Blog Archive

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

The Large Hadron Collider Is Some Funny Shit...

So, if you don't know about it, take a moment to follow this link to a terrific story and images of the LHC, or Large Hadron Collider. Go ahead, DNA will wait.

Now those are some pretty awesome pictures, really, and they just put DNA in the mood to laugh. It's hard to believe that we can wield such forces, yet can't learn not bomb the shit out of each other. With appropriate amounts of sarcasm and humor (read just enough to qualify for no copyright infringement on the images since DNA is using them in an artistic, comedic way), DNA presents

The LHC Funnies



Yes, DNA is a science geek.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

DNA Can't Leave the Political Gamesmanship Alone....

DNA's cousin Dave sends him stuff to make him smile, particularly stuff that rips on Obama. DNA has made a vow that he would respond to all of these pieces of propaganda in kind. So, when he received an email ripping into Obama's "Accomplishments" over his first six months, DNA decided that he had to add his own rebuttal. So, here is

Obama's Accomplishments....
Compared to Bush's Enduring Legacy....


1. Obama: Offended the Queen of England.
Bush: Creeped out the Chancellor of Germany with an impromptu shoulder rub.

2. Obama: Bowed to the King of Saudi Arabia.
Bush: Kissed the King of Saudi Arabia on at least two cheeks.

3. Obama: Praised the Marxist Daniel Ortega.
Bush: Praised Pakistan's President Musharraf as a partner in the war on terror (Musharraf fully supported nuclear proliferator Abdul Khan, and for years, participated in "war games" pitting Pakistan against the U.S. in a nuclear showdown)

4. Obama: Kissed Socialist Hugo Chavez on the cheek.
Bush: Recently kissed a Saudi prince on the lips (4/09---not as an official of the U.S. government---just for fun).

5. Obama: Endorsed the Socialist Evo Morales of Bolivia.
Bush: Endorsed Vladimir Putin, who is Evo times 10. Putin sent him a birthday telegram this year, no b.s.

6. Obama: Sided with Hugo Chavez and Communist Fidel Castro against Honduras. (DNA couldn't let this one go: Are you telling me that you slam Obama for respecting the constitutional authority of the Honduran government? Or just because an asshole like Chavez actually happens to be right in this case, that we must automatically oppose him? That is the height of stupidity).
Bush: Created a "coalition of the willing" against Iraq including the Marshall Islands, Palau, Micronesia, and the Solomons. Although Costa Rica was originally part of the coalition, they decided they couldn't hang with us. Don't forget Poland!

7. Obama: Announced we would meet with Iranians with no pre-conditions while they're building their nuclear weapons.
Bush: Met with Pakistan with no pre-conditions while their scientists were handing out nuclear technology like tic tacs.

8. Obama: Gave away billions to AIG also without pre-conditions.
Bush: Actually, check the clock. Bush and his Wall Street cronies gave away those billions to companies too big too fail. Nice how that worked out.

9. Obama: Expanded the bailouts.
Bush: Engineered the single largest swing in the history of the world from surplus at the end of the Clinton years to debt at the end of his presidency.

10. Obama: Insulted everyone who has ever loved a Special Olympian. (Again, DNA can't not comment. He made an off-the-cuff remark about his bad bowling game improving. It's not an insult to everyone who has ever loved a special Olympian. Jeez, DNA thought the Democrats were sensitive whiners!)
Bush: Is a special Olympian. See, DNA couldn't resist. Okay, here's a serious one. Bush: When asked about how many innocent civilians have died in Iraq, he paused, and said offhand, "Oh, I don't know. Probably 30,000." As of 2007, independent reports suggest that number is closer to 150,000. Independent reports indicate that close to 5 MILLION children are orphaned in Iraq. That is truly an insult to the human dignity of humans everywhere.

11. Obama: Doubled our national debt.
Bush: Through "supplementals," hid the total amount of debt he accrued. To be fair, about a trillion of the Obama debt was in direct response to a financial crisis that was brought about by unregulated speculation courtesy of the previous 8 years....

12. Obama: Announced the termination of our new missile defense system the day after North Korea launched an ICBM.
Bush: This one is too good: Announced the termination of the U.S. Soviet anti-ballistic missile treaty so he can concoct a missile defense system to defend against terrorists by parking the system next to Russia!

13. Obama: Released information on U.S. intelligence gathering despite urgings of his own CIA director and the prior four CIA directors.
Bush: His administration knowingly committed treason by releasing the name of an active U.S. intelligence agent as a retaliatory strike against her husband. An aide to the VP gets hung out to dry with a slap on the wrist, and the sentence was commuted by the President. The VP was mad that the aide was not pardoned. The same VP later said that the VP is not part of the executive branch.

14. Obama: Accepted without comment that five of his cabinet members cheated on their taxes and two other nominees withdrew after they couldn't take the heat.
Bush: The list of people who are in jail, who were censured, or who were implicated in federal crimes close to Bush was large when he was in office, and is growing larger.

15. Obama: Appointed a Homeland Security Chief who identified military veterans and abortion opponents as "dangers to the nation." (She was concerned about the far right wing extremists who have already made more death threats on our current president than Bush had in his entire career).
Bush: Appointed Michael "Brownie" Brown the director of FEMA in charge of Hurricane Katrina. Brown had a long history of administrative experience as the head of the International Arabian Horse Association. Apparently Bush meant "Crony," not "Brownie."

16. Obama: Ordered that the word "terrorism" no longer be used and instead refers to such acts as "man made disasters." (Right. DNA thinks he has heard him say terrorism, as late as say, TODAY!)
Bush: Coined several new euphemisms. Prisoners of war became "enemy combatants," and "harsh interrogation techniques," language for which do not exist in any treaty or legal document, he called "alternate procedures." It used to be called torture when it was done against us. In the Bush Administration, lies were called "lapses in pre-war intelligence." "Special rendition" became another way to say kidnapping. "The Patriot Act" turned into another way to say, "Illegally spying on our own citizens."

17. Obama: Circled the globe to publicly apologize for America's world leadership.
Bush: Spent most of the last eight years burning up every bit of political good will we had built as a nation since World War II. He engaged with the rest of the world like we were the world's kings. You might call that our due, but I call it living down to every arrogant American stereotype there is. DNA is not an America basher. Bush could have easily lived up to our noble aspirations instead, like he did in response to the AIDS crisis in Africa. He just chose not to most of the time. Americans have much to be proud of in the world, but if we act like we don't have anything to apologize for when we do wrong, or that it is somehow a weakness to apologize, then we would be acting every bit like the arrogant assholes we have shown ourselves to be from time to time.

18. Obama: Told the Mexican president that the violence in their country was because of us.
Bush: In 2005, signed the "Security and Prosperity Partnership" agreement with Canada and Mexico, a very quiet effort to slowly erase our north and south borders to encourage a "North American Union." Nutty, huh, but true.

19. Obama: Politicized the census by moving it into the White House from the Department of Commerce.
Bush: Politicized and federalized states' rights issues regarding the governance of each states' citizens by enacting laws like the "Defense of Marriage Act." I have never understood how conservatives proclaim to be against big government meddling in our lives, but have no problems legislating their morality and religion on someone else.

20. Obama: Appointed as Attorney General the man who orchestrated the forced removal and expulsion to Cuba of a 9-year-old whose mother died trying to bring him to freedom in the United States.
Bush: Appointed one Attorney General who was so offended to look at a statue of the bared breast of Lady Justice that he ordered a curtain be placed over it; appointed another attorney general who orchestrated widespread political crony-ism in the department of justice, removed prosecutors who did not tow the ideological line, and probably broke the law while doing it. This was the same attorney general who lacked the courage to testify to his own participation in the drafting of the memos which allowed our country, MY country, to torture prisoners, making us no better in our methods than the evil we stand against.

21. Obama: Salutes as heroes three Navy SEALS who took down three terrorists who threatened one American life and the next day announces members of the Bush Administration may stand trial for "torturing" three 9/11 terrorists by pouring water up their noses.
Bush: Salutes the brave hero Pat Tillman, all the while his administration was aware that he was killed by friendly fire in Afghanistan, and then continued to praise him while they covered up the event, and resisted multiple inquiries by the family into the truth. Only when a congressional hearing was convened, was some indication that our current military leader, Stanley McChrystal, was well aware Tillman was killed by friendly fire when he ordered the Silver Star for Tillman. Glad he's the primary military advisor in Afghanistan to the prez.

22. Obama: Low altitude photo shoot of Air Force One over New York City that frightened thousands of New Yorkers.
Bush: Continued his vacation on his ranch and then did a fly over of New Orleans while tens of thousands were displaced, and lived a third world horror while water trucks and busses idled two states away.

The original message had 27 points, but DNA hopes he has made his. DNA could go on, but he thnks you get the idea. DNA has yet to really touch upon the more egregious errors our previous leader made. But in the entire time that DNA endured his fairly poor leadership, DNA never once thought, "I should purposely undermine his policies. I hope he fails." But DNA has heard this now for several months from those who oppose our current president. Consider over the past hundred years the major advances in human rights in our country. These were not championed by conservatives. Consider the the major advances in consumer protection that we take for granted. Not championed by conservatives. Consider the very programs that conservatives are now rallying around as being attacked by Democrats: Social Security, Medicare and Medicaid. All programs created by liberals, all programs that have worked over the decades to truly promote a sense of American social unity. None of these programs were endorsed by conservatives when they were enacted. Now we have a new health care debate. Who opposes it? The same groups who have without fail opposed other social changes which we now consider practically a sacred endowment of our people. Perhaps the health care legislation isn't as bad as some conservatives make it out to be........

Or maybe DNA is wrong. Either way, we all die in 2012, according to the Mayans.

Pass it around, unless you're not a proud, independent thinking American.....