Permanent Historical Record: 03/02/08
Schuba's Hoot Night Was Cooler Than Us!
This week, on February 27th, DNA and his pals Mr. Kamikaze and Gone Brian Vaughan, also known as BV, played a two song set at Schuba's in Chicago. Last week, DNA was bold enough to brag that we would rock. In fact, Mr. Kamikaze and DNA were so sure of our godlike gifts, that we agreed that when we got onstage, we were going to call ourselves the Super Awesome Punk Rock Rocker Motherfuckers, (said with a straight face) and tell everybody right before we played that "We hope you brought your cocks tonight, because you are going to rock out with them." However, from the moment we were all at the club, it was apparent, despite our nearly 45 minutes of practice, that we were not rocking cocks, socks, jocks, or anything else that rhymes with "rocks." However, the night was still fun, full of a lot of good music, even if ours wasn't. DNA thinks it would be fair to say that we didn't completely SUCK, and that we were goofy, sloppy and obviously having fun in spite of technical glitches, and not having drunk nearly enough beer to be well oiled yet.
Schuba's: If you haven't been there, it has every element of a classic Chicago corner bar---lots of old woodwork, splashes of neon, mirrored glass behind ornate, but well-worn bars, and then because it is also known for its great musical history, you'd also expect a corner or side of the bar to be a stage for bands. On this one point, DNA was glad the bar was not like so many other Chicago nightclubs.
Instead, Schuba's has a separate music theater, replete with stage, seats, lights, and a nice sound system (but not overpowering). A small, separate bar keeps the bear flowing.
The Hoot Night was everything we expected---inventive, strange, full of surprises and generally funny moments. The re-union of the Coolies also went exactly as expected: Sloppy and enjoyable. Those who were expecting filet mignon were probably disappointed by The Coolies' pulled pork barbecue.
On Tuesday, we were able to get together and practice our two selections, "Police and Thieves," by the Clash, and "Sing (Sing A Song), made famous by the Carpenters. Take a moment to listen to our practice renditions. Now, don't judge----we practiced a whole 20 minutes on each of them before we made the recordings. In this respect, our preparations were also a lot like how it used to be when we were in the Coolies. Despite, obvious errors, off key singing, etc., these recordings represent the potential of how cool things could have been.
Police and Thieves (with apologies to the Clash)
Sing (Sing A Song)(no apology suffices)
Many, many thanks to John of Nonagon, and his lovely wife, and their awesome dog, who made DNA feel right at home. John gave his time to record and duplicate practice. Why audiotape a practice? Perhaps this email between DNA and Mr. Kamikaze will illuminate:
To: BV and Mr. Kamikaze:
From: DNA:
Did you get the (music)charts? Also, is there a time scheduled for us to play? Some of our old college buddies might be there (Ken, Jeremy, Vince, John) and maybe a couple of others. Real quick---will someone be recording this, or do you think we can get a recording off of the board?
Talk to you later,
DNA
To: DNA
From: Mr. Kamikaze:
Got them-- but you know they mean pretty much nothing to me, right?! I understand what they are-- and I can appreciate that-- but seriously. I don't reallly have to sing or anything, do I?
The schedule thing is more a BV question-- I'm not sure if there is any kind of schedule until we get there. My recollection of how these work - and BV can help with my horrible memory - is that Tom (the guy) will make a list of artists in the order of how he thinks it should go. But I don't think he does that until that night. BV?
I'm assuming that since DNA will be way the hell out in St. Charles that evening, we won't be going on until late(r)....
And I'm really not sure if anyone will record this. I know Tom's got some recordings of a few "acts" in the past-- maybe he'll record it since this is a pretty special night for him as he's been living in Ireland for the past few years and hasn't done this in awhile...? Also not sure how recording would happen.. DNA- don't get the idea that this is going to be a super-organized affair. If memory serves, it's usually a clusterfudge.
But really--will this be worth recording? Scratch that. DNA records himself taking a dump if it's got a cool beat.
To: Mr. Kamikaze:
From: DNA:
Okay Mr. Kamikaze,
Yes, motherfucker, you will have to sing on the song Sing. Get it, got it, good. At the end, when the lead is doing the verse, and I'll be harmonizing, there has got to be the really annoying kid's chorus going "la la la la la, la la la la la la ....." and, that would be YOU!
I know a B's the same as a Q to you but what was I going to do? Your email was already on the "to:" line in the note I sent out.
I'm cool with it not being organized. But we better be lock step, jackboot hitlerian in our approach :D That works for everybody, right?
I'll bet its recorded. Ker splash, plop plop. And thanks for recognizing that I know a cool beat when I hear one.
DNA
On Wednesday morning, DNA did his scholarly duty, and presented to the world at the Learning Disabilities Association of America's international conference a session which demonstrated how his band the Akkademiks started. It was well-received. Actually, DNA would say it was inspiring. Afterwards, DNA quickly changed presentation materials, and drove an hour away to another work-related function. That went well, too. After the "official" presentation was over and materials were packed back in the car, DNA sped back to Chicago, navigating an accident, a detour, and a lot of traffic. On the upside, DNA's parallel parking skills were well practiced throughout the whole trip. He found a spot a hundred feet away from Schuba's that Twiggy couldn't have squeezed into. Okay, that allusion was from the 1960's. How about, "that Callista Flockheart couldn't have squeezed into." No, still too fucking out of touch. Paris Hilton, or Nicole Ritchie? Too obvious. How about "that a really skinny person couldn't have squeezed into." Don't worry, folks, DNA redeems his metaphoric language in just a minute.
Because time was at a premium, on the sidewalk of a downtown Chicago thoroughfare, at 9 pm at night, at about 18 degrees above Zero, DNA changed out of his "work" clothes and into his "play" clothes. However, this was barely noticed next to the crack whore blowing a guy dressed up like a nun in the alley.
Outside of the club, enjoying a smoke, was Vinnie, former room-mate and continued friend of DNA. He ushered DNA into the club, and back to the venue. One thing DNA noticed by its absence, was smoke. The club, like all venues in Illinois, is smoke-free. DNA has to tell you, at first, a while ago, when it heard a smoking ban would include bars, it was against that draconian measure. But smoke-free bars mean smoke-free hair, smoke-free clothes, and a smoke-free guitar case, and despite what bars lost in ambience, the actual atmosphere was better for it (See? right there folks: smooth, articulate, metaphorically rich prosidy----almost poetic, one might say, if one were flexing his writerly muscles. An English degree (well, two of them, actually) is good for sumthin after all).
From there, it was great to see Vinnie, John D., Annie, Paul, John H., and many other old friends. DNA had time to slug one beer back, and grab another before we were on. It got out its bass, the super queer tribal sun Traben (look on the Basses DNA Has Loved And Lost page to see it).
Immediately, there were problems. There was a ground loop hum in the bass which would not go away. It was loud. It sucked. And, there was no plan "B" for this kind of shit. DNA was willing to wait a minute or two to figure it out, but the MC needed things to move quickly. DNA has to say, none of the other dozen or so bass players there were too quick to fucking help, that's for sure. Thanks. So, DNA fiddled with his shit until the hum was less noticeable. It had the tonal quality of a porcupine fucking a cat. Some people out in the crowd saw me messing around with the amp on stage and probably actually thought that "porcupine fucking a cat" was the sound DNA was going for. As we got squared away to start, as BV brought his hand down for his first strum of his tuned guitar, he broke a string. It looked like kind of an important string to have in one piece, as far as DNA was concerned, but at this point, we already wasted too much time, and were committed. The song started, and before we were past the intro, we pretty much fucked it up. However, we plowed along, had some fun, lost the beat in the middle, but pretty much ended together. About three dudes in the back knew who the Clash were, and seemed appreciative.
Then, BV took a breather, and talked to Tom, the MC, and the crowd a little, and DNA realized that he only looked at Mr. Kamikaze once the whole song. That was not a good sign. We needed to look at each other, so we wouldn't spaz out about the train wreck that just happened, or the next one we were about to engineer.
Unfortunately, DNA had backing vocals for most of the next song, and couldn't spare too many looks back.
"Sing" was silly, goofy, and a lot more fun to sing and play. People seemed to like it, though again, it really wasn't how we practiced it, and we buttsexed the ending.
What happened next, as we quickly grabbed our shit and left the stage, was a moment that everyone in a band has experienced. When you get off stage, you know that some people are gonna say "Dude, that was awesome," but they also say that about mold on cheese, about the size of the log they left in the toilet, and about the amount of snot stuck to their fingers after booger mining. Some band members buy that shit, but there are always those around you who will tell you like it is if you are willing to listen. For us, that was Vinnie and John D. When we walked back to where they were congregated, guitars and drumsticks in hand, their looks said it all: "Guys, it was fun and all to see you up there, but you really kind of sucked. I remember you guys used to be better than that." Annie also was appropriately honest: "You were fun, sloppy, and silly." BV was always the optimist: "That was a blast!" As Mr. Kamikaze walked off stage, he said, "Sorry" to the MC.
Who was right? We all were! We are all so much the sum of our parts. Vinnie and John didn't really care if we were good, but remembered at one time we were. Wouldn't it have been awesome if without practice, and without lubrication (beer) we could have gotten up there and made statues of the Madonna cry? Annie was on target, so was Mr. Kamikaze, and so too, was BV. What did DNA think of the whole thing?
He remembered something he thought was important from a long time ago, when it comes to bands: If we would have wanted to be perfect, we would have replaced ourselves with much better musicians a long time ago. We did what we did, fucked up what we fucked up, and enjoyed every minute of it. Enough people who DNA didn't know and didn't need came up to him afterward said, "I loved what you guys did." They had no reason to say that---they weren't being kind or following the band code to give props to other musicians---they just kind of liked what we did, warts and all.
DNA was still hearing comments an hour later, when the club was shutting down.
So, it turns out, people think dogshit is cool. Who'd a thunk it? Actually, people think being heartfelt is cool. And that, BV, Mr. Kamikaze, and DNA has in spades.
Permanent Historical Record: 03/06/08
Pictures and a Movie...
So, if you didn't know, DNA was invited to play with some friends up in Chicago at a club called Schuba's. It was fun. Below are some pictures and a short movie of us playing.
15 Seconds Of Fame
That's it. Good night for now.
Permanent Historical Record: 03/14/08
The Butterfly Effect...
You've heard of the Butterfly Effect, right? Totally awesome movie with Ashton Kutcher? Yeah, DNA knows, that movie doesn't exist. There is, however, a suck ass movie with Ashton Kutcher in it with that title. This, however, is not what DNA is referring to. DNA is referring to the idea of sensitive dependence on initial conditions.
In science, the method is to observe, hypothesize, experiment, report, repeat. Every once in awhile, no matter how tight the control, sometimes things go apeshit. When things go apeshit, and a normally repeatable experiment produces an unpredictable result, most of the time, scientists chalk that shit up to experimental error, or some anomaly. Although science can be described as a means to define universal laws, it does so through a method of averages. You essentially blindly test, and through a process of elimination, "weed" out noisy or unpredictable experiments, and narrow in on only those results which seem to make sense, which fit best approximations.
This is not a bad method. It has gotten us to the moon. It has gotten us inside an atom. But, unfortunately, except for the most obvious of cases, except for the most simplified "versions" of the real world, the method really doesn't work. The philosophy does, clumsily, as any philosophy based on best guesses would work. The problem is that we have few other options to try to figure out the world. Nobody left the instruction manual. Thanks, God.
However, one science, born out of the study of turbulent fluids, and how matter behaves in those regions at which it changes states, (but also in the study of weather, economics, well really, in everything) the study of chaos, comes to a closer approximation of how the world and the universe probably actually works.
DNA isn't preaching to you, and can't write it up well enough anyway. Go read James Gleick's seminal layman's handbook (DNA has been waiting 10 years to be able to write "seminal layman")about chaos called CHAOS. You will digg it. Once you do, you will see chaos in the simplest of systems. In fact, any system with more than two variables will inevitably behave unpredictably. Hence, the Butterfly Effect: A butterfly flaps its wings in China and ultimately causes a hurricane in Florida. Or, a tiny change in initial conditions, something most scientists would tend to ignore or average out, might lead to huge changes down the road. This is why, no matter how advanced our weather prediction equipment gets, once you get more than a week to two weeks out, no one can accurately predict whether you get rain or shine. Even the simplest systems, like a pendulum, or the "random" flipping of a coin will display unpredictable fluctuations.
The problem is that they happen so rarely in our life experience, and that as a species, we are good at lumping things together and ignoring things that don't lump, we tend to forget or not even see the basic chaotic structure of the universe. Yeah, DNA knows, "chaotic structure." Here's and example: All oak trees look like oak trees yet no two are exactly alike. All leaves on all oak trees are identifiable as oak leaves yet no two have exactly the same venous brachiation. How is that shit possible? If you tried to model or map every single variation with a computer, well, you couldn't. It is a ubiquitous, but nontheless hidden complexity that lives right down inside us. It's why we see beauty when something isn't perfect. It's why we "ooh" and "ahhh" over computer graphics when they approximate reality well. We know inherently, that perfection is easy. It's the countless fuck-ups and variations in nature that are mind-blowingly difficult to replicate.
Here is DNA's brush with the butterfly. After the show at Schuba's, Mr. Kamikaze and DNA talked about wanting to play another show. Just talk, really. No big deal. The Hoot Night experience was fun, too, but no big deal either. However, the effect had begun, and within a short while, all the guys in the band had birthed a fucking great idea for a show. It looks like that show will happen in July. More on that in the next few weeks.
Brush number two: The year has barreled by. Before DNA even knew it, March 13th had arrived. On this day, 17 years ago, DNA was still single. The next day, March 14th, he was married. Best decision he ever made. Well, the butterfly moved a while back, and unbeknownst to wifey, DNA bought sumthin' real purty for her. He can't wait until morning.
DNA's definition of the butterfly effect: No way would you have predicted that a moron who stared at this hot punk chick in the cafeteria where he worked (that would be DNA staring at his future wife) would end up marrying her, staying happily married for the next 17 years, and feeling luckier every day. Nor would have DNA predicted that about 13 years after DNA quit playing in bands that he would be in the most successful band he has ever been in, writing more music than he did when he was a kid, and planning the most awesome show ever. Yet, here we are.
Chaos is cool.
Permanent Historical Record: 03/21/08
New Songs...
Both of the new songs on the front page, There's Something On Your Back, and Black Monday, have went through a final round of turd polishing. DNA thinks they sound a little better. Particularly the guitar. When he last recorded, DNA was having some kind of mid-range withdrawal, cuz the guitars were chock full of that ringy, nasty shit. Now, they are a little more sedate, and operating within some normal parameters, and not EQ'd like Jimmy Page was trying to hear it.
No offense to Jimmy Page, but everything he has done over the last decade sounds like he broke the treble knob off in the "Ow, that is really fucking annoying" position.
Permanent Historical Record: 03/27/08
In Like a Lion, Out Like a Lamb, In, Out, In, Out, In, Out, Uuuuhhhhhhhh!!!!
March has always had a certain effect on DNA---Spring has sprung, the flowers are blooming, love is in the air, and there's no doubt, it's biznezz time, if you know what DNA means.
All of DNA's kids were born in December, so do the math. March just happens to be the time in DNA's life, in his wife's life, that motility and viability, egg-droppin' and sperm-countin'is right. Not only is fertility up, but so is artistic fertility. DNA commented before that December was always a good recording month, but so are the months of March and April. The first of the new records last year actually dropped in March. Years ago, in Crank, our first real full length CD was ready in March. This March, after weeks of musical inactivity (not by DNA's choice) a new song has been inspired and nearly finished in the last couple of days. It is a wedding present for some friends of DNA's.
When DNA gets the final touches done, he will post it here. What are the final touches, you might ask? How about, gulp, a banjo and a fiddle?
Permanent Historical Record: 03/31/08
A Song You Have Heard Before, Or Not...
DNA and his wife don't get to watch movies all that often, and when we do, it's rare that we agree on one that we both like. Only a couple of movies we have rented lately, like Stardust, or Enchanted, actually appealed to both of us. I Am Legend appealed a little, until the chick and the kid shows up, but everybody on the internet who tries to express an opinion about movies has already talked about that, so DNA won't add to the search engines' results if someone types in "Will Smith" "Legend" "Ending Sucks Donkey Balls" (yields approximately 20,000 hits).
DNA isn't about movie reviews anyway. What DNA likes in movies most people do not. Also, DNA really likes some movies that are really bad by anyone's approximation. DNA really has no taste in movies. However, music in movies is something that DNA pays close attention to.
DNA has long felt that movie soundtracks were little more than silver marketing machines for bad movies. Does your movie suck? Put a bunch of well-liked classic songs on it, and it becomes a retro collection. Or, gather up a bunch of indie bands dying for a little more mainstream exposure, and you gain street cred for your dogshit movie. But, every once in awhile, the soundtrack makes the movie, or works in perfect harmony (couldn't resist) with the visual elements of the movie.
DNA watched a movie yesterday which sucked. It was called Southland Tales. Don't go see it. It was supposed to be awesome, directed by a visionary director, chock full of the coolest and most unusual ensemble cast, but in a case of David Lynchian proportions of not being able to live up to its hype, it was a two and a half hour weird-a-thon. Not that there is anything wrong with that, but after a little while, seeing the bizarre and only understanding part of why its bizarre gets annoying. As much as you might like vignettes, characters, or individual scenes, the actual movie falls apart. Sure sign a movie sucks dogshit: When one of the characters has to provide a voiceover for most of the movie to make sure the audience "gets" the otherwise convoluted and and unnecessarily quirky, moody and metaphorical plot. DNA doesn't want to spoil it for you, in case you watch it despite this stern warning: DON'T!!! But, some of you might like watching Duane "the Rock" Johnson die. Whoops, sorry about that reveal.
Well, if you watched it, then DNA is sure you agree, it sucked. But, one thing that did not suck was the music. In fact, there is one point, near the end, in which music takes center stage, so to speak. First, Rebekah Del Rio (yes, sounds like a porn star name, but it is not) knocks out a version of the Star Spangled Banner which gives Jimmy Hendrix's version a run for its money as the coolest version ever. DNA ain't lyin. Go to iTunes and look up the soundtrack, and listen to 30 seconds of it. You will be sold. Or watch this scene from the movie:
Also, Sarah Michelle Gellar does a terrific job on a song called "Teen Horniness Is Not A Crime."
It's hard to reinvent a classic, but Rebekah did. What do you think?
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