The Eventual Destruction Of Our Great Republic...

will not be caused by terrorists, or nuclear attack, or mutated viruses, or by liberals, or by any other group you might thing. It will be caused by Sweden.

Let that sink in for a moment. Sweden. Why Sweden?

Ask Erik Alexander, Max Martin, and Johan Schuster to start with. These guys, as well as Savan Kotecha are the principle songwriters and producers for Lindsey Lohan, Geri Halliwell, Pink, NSYNC, the Backstreet Boys, and dozens of other pop divas and groups. They form the core of a Swedish group of producers who have influenced pop music for over a generation. Sweden. Is Sweden to blame for our cultural implosion? Yes. Knulla dig, you sumbitches!

In specific, Savan Kotecha and company are the writers responsible for Britney Spear’s latest single, “If You Seek Amy” (and have been part of her success from the beginning). Before DNA dissects this turd for your inspection, please take a moment to understand the true meaning of horror by watching her video for the song:

Britney Spears - New Music - More Music Videos

Okay, grossed out or bored yet? If not, be prepared to have your IQ drop while you read the lyrics to the song:

“Lalalalala
Oh baby baby
Have you seen Amy tonight?
Is she in the bathroom
Is she smokin' up outside
Oh

Oh baby baby
Does she take a piece of lime
For the drink that I’ma buy her
Do you know just what she likes
Oh

Oh Oh
Tell me have you seen her
Because I'm so
Oh
I can't get her off of my brain

I just want to go to the party she gonna go
Can somebody take me home
Ha ha he ha ha ho

Love me hate me
Say what you want about me
But all of the boys and all of the girls are begging to If You Seek Amy
Love me hate me
But can't you see what I see
All of the boys and all of the girls are begging to If You Seek Amy

Lalalalalala

Amy told me that she's gonna meet me up
I don't know where or when and now they're closing up the club
Oh

I've seen her want to drive before she knows my face
But it's hard to see with all the people standing in the way
Oh

Oh oh
Tell me have you seen her
Because I'm so
Oh
I can't get her off of my brain

I just want to go to the party she's gonna go
Can somebody take me home
Ha ha he ha ha ho

Love me hate me
Say what you want about me
But all of the boys and all of the girls are begging to If You Seek Amy
Love me hate me
But can't you see what I see
All of the boys and all of the girls are begging to If You Seek Amy

Oh
So what you want about me
Oh
But can't you see what I see
Oh
So what you want about me

So tell me if you've seen her
Cause I've been waiting here forever
Oh baby baby
If You Seek Amy tonight
Oh
Oh baby baby
We'll do whatever you like
Oh baby baby baby
Oh baby baby baby

Lalalalalala
Lalalalalala

Love me hate me
So what you want about me
But all of the boys and all of the girls are begging to If You Seek Amy
Love me hate me
But can't you seek what I see
All of the boys and all of the girls are begging to If You Seek Amy
Love me hate me so what you want about me (yeah)
Love me hate me
But can't you see what I see
All of the boys and all of the girls are begging to If You Seek Amy

Oh
So what you want about me
Oh
But can't you see what I see
Oh So what you want about me

All of the boys and all of the girls are begging to If You Seek Amy”

DNA is not a prude, nor is he shocked by much, except the shocking display of a lack of talent presented here. The only thing that she could shock me with is a revelation that she is actually Amish. We already accept that Britney is damaged goods, and have seen everything she has to offer. Seeing her attempt to be sexually inviting is like asking a hooker to be coy. Really, where is the mystery? The lyrics themselves are not shocking, either. When was the last time Britney sang a song that didn’t explicitly or implicitly ask you to fuck her?

Just in case you didn’t get it when you read it, Britney is saying “Can’t you see what I see---oh, so what you want about me? All of the boys and all of the girls are begging to if you seek Amy” or “all of the boys and all of the girls are begging to F.U.C.K. me.” Genius, huh? Those Swedish songwriters sure are gifted at this language stuff, cuz, ya see, they’re saying one thing, about how she is wanted as a commodity, but she is also saying people are sexually attracted to her, AND they are saying that perhaps We might see the world a little bit differently if we go on some quest for Amy, AND in the process, they get to spell out “fuck!” They’re really cool.

You know the only thing is different about this song and other Britney songs? Spelling. In this song, you have to be able to spell to get the “special meaning.” That is a step up.

What is the special meaning, seriously? Sure, DNA gets the obvious “thumb your nose up at the FCC” attitude of the writers, and he understands the smiles that cross their faces everytime they hear Britney spell out the word “fuck” on the radio and don’t get in hot water over it. But the real message here is, let’s see, Britney is looking for Amy, and Amy is either herself as a fuckable object, or the allegorical personification of sex, or maybe Britney is just referring cutely to her pussy. DNA likes to think the latter. In fact, let’s try a few of the lyrics with “my pussy” in place of Amy:

Lalalalala
Oh baby baby
Have you seen my pussy tonight?
Is my pussy in the bathroom
Is my pussy smokin' up outside
Oh

Oh baby baby
Does my pussy take a piece of lime
For the drink that I’ma buy my pussy
Do you know just what my pussy likes
Oh

Oh Oh
Tell me have you seen my pussy
Because I'm so
Oh
I can't get my pussy off of my brain

I just want to go to the party my pussy gonna go
Can somebody take me home
Ha ha he ha ha ho

Love me hate me
Say what you want about me
But all of the boys and all of the girls are begging to F.U.C.K. my pussy
Love me hate me
But can't you see what I see
All of the boys and all of the girls are begging to F.U.C.K. my pussy

Honestly, isn’t that all this song is really saying? That’s the message DNA would rather hear, instead of the crap it gets instead. Again, the problem isn’t that she is singing about fucking, the problem is that she is doing it in a form that will reach a playground full of seven and eight year olds. Little kids are singing this shit to each other, and emulating the fashion of Britney and countless other video slags. You have little girls DNA’s daughters' ages telling their peers, boys and girls alike, to FUCK THEM!!! What the fuck is wrong with us?

Before we go and dismiss the destruction of our culture as the aim of these songwriters, or brush of the idea that this song isn’t intended for a young audience, DNA will point out to you that the principle songwriter for “If You Seek Amy” also writes for such kid-friendly artists as Miranda Cosgrove (of iCarly fame), and Jordan Pruitt, both kids who record for Disney. You didn’t really think that Disney was too far away from this cultural destruction, did you?

So, here’s DNA’s message to Sweden: No, DNA doesn’t seek Amy. Amy can go fuck herself. If slickly-produced subversive pop designed to encourage boys and girls to fuck is their export, DNA encourages the U.S. to trade something back of equivalent value, like syphilis and teen pregnancy.