Permanent Historical Record: 06/03/08
Coming Hard And Fast...
For weeks, DNA has not been very inspired, musically, but in the last couple of weeks, that all changed. Several songs kind of spurted out in a few spasms. The latest one is called "It Could Have Been Worse," and is presented below for your enjoyment:
It Could Have Been Worse
The next song in the que is titled, "It Got Worse," about a depressed guy who doesn't know exactly why he is down.
On another note, but related to the post title, "Coming Hard and Fast," DNA would like to announce a Happy Birthday to the Reverend. Scotty Karate is now officially old, but can still out drink, think, screw, chew, fight, and delight YOU! The Reverend came by to visit from his digs in Florida this week. It was great to see the Reverend and H.O.G. out at the H.O.G's place.
For any of you Carbondale locals who read this, make sure you take the time June 13th to visit H.O.G. and his classical guitar playing compatriots at Shryock Auditorium. They will be playing some seriously fucked up and wonderful classical guitar backed by a full orchestra. That is some serious playing, and it is my understanding that most of the musicians will not drinking or on drugs during the performance. That really should be worth seeing.
Over the last month or two, DNA has had to face some hard-ass facts. Because life is coming hard and fast at H.O.G., and at Mr. Kamikaze, and also at DNA, grandiose plans of a triumphant return to the stage have been postponed. So, travel back in time with DNA, and watch the desperate cry for help of a lonely, lonely old bastard. Here's how the little drama played out, across the internets and email accounts of the band.
To: Mr. Kamikaze, H.O.G., Song Engine
From: The DNA Vibrator
Re: Playing a Show This Summer
Date: 3/11/2008
Hi, DN-Acolytes,
This is DNA. How are you? After playing at Schuba's, DNA would like to play again. While DNA was at Mr. Kamikaze's house in Chicago, DNA thought about doing a "Komodo Drag Queens" show, in which we play as the band "Komodo Drag Queens." The schtick is that we are straight, dressing in garish metallic green bras, skirts, garters, and heels, if possible, and play songs only from female bands, that emphasize womanly-ness, but we sing and play them like the 40 something depressed loser bastards that we are, as if we discovered a niche market that needed a band---"Hey, you know who would pay money to see us? Fat middle-aged guys who like to sing songs about women and watch guys dress badly in drag. We should so do this thing!"
That, however, would require work, make-up, costumes, and way more energy than DNA can probably muster. So, instead, DNA would like to do a show in which we play only DNA songs and DEVO songs, and engage the audience in guessing which is which. Inspired by the Hoot Night, DNA would like to do DNA versus DEVO, and play about seven or eight songs from each band, with one or two additional songs in reserve (encore). Through the show, DNA would give out prizes and trivia about DNA and about DEVO.
H.O.G. said that June was not good for him, so what would you guys think about doing a show in July? We could play up at the Hangar, or possibly at Craig and Berts, or possibly both.
DNA will not get freaky about the set list, but DNA does have one tentatively picked out.
Freedom Of Choice, Fistful of Cleveland, Just Give Me A Drink, Girl You Want , Well, Gates Of Steel, Plate Tectonic King, Blockhead, All I Want For Christmas Is A Whole Lot Of Cash, Jerkin' Back 'N' Forth, A Note To My Old Band, Going Under, Bad Thing, 138, Whip It, God Made Us Funky, and Uncontrollable Urge.
DNA can make the CD and send it out if you guys are interested. DNA thinks it would be a lot of fun. Get back with me when you get a minute, so DNA can start working on a venue. Mr. Kamikaze, if Nonagon wants to play, that would be great.
DNA
From: Song Engine
To: DNA, H.O.G., Mr. Kamikaze
Re: Playing A Show This Summer
> Sounds great, but it might conflict with my other drag queen band, "A Bitch of a Donna Summer " late summer tour thru the rustbelt. > Maybe we can work something out, the girls(guys) are very flexible. >ASong Engine
From: Mr. Kamikaze:
> I'm still working on my conceptual "Pat Benatar doing Men At Work" band-- Pat "Benatwork" ... so I may or may not be available. >
> I'm thinking I'll be available...
From: H.O.G.
Don't forget my 80's style hair-metal band "Chicks with Dicks". Not quite drag queen, but close enough to be virtually indistinguishable. They might be willing to open...
From: DNA
And this is why DNA loves you guys.
The other drag queen band DNA is currently fronting, "Urethra Franklin," might get pissed, no pun intended, if they don't play, too. DNA'll talk to Sally at the Hangar about a date, and if that won't work, DNA'll talk with Dave Marquis to do something at PK's.
DNA would like to have the Dammit Boys play along with. If Nonagon can play, too, that would be cool, but if they can't, DNA'll get Moon Buggy Kids, or Secondary Modern to hop on board.
DNA
To: Mr. Kamikaze, H.O.G., Song Engine
From: The DNA Vibrator
Re: The Summer Of Our Discontent
Date: 4/3/2008
Hey Mr. Kamikaze, H.O.G., and Song Engine,
How are you? This is DNA. A while ago I emailed you guys about playing before Jesus returns. I had narrowed that down to sometime this summer. After talking (emailing) with H.O.G., DNA decided he would talk to Craig and Bert about possibly playing their 4th of July party. This year, it may happen on the 4th, it may happen on the 5th. Bert needed to talk to Craig, but sounded very excited about having DNA play if we are able to swing it.
Here is the pitch to the Chicago guys: It is perhaps the best party Southern Illinois throws, and its chock full of people who still know you! It is kid/family friendly, with lots of kids/families there. There is camping out, tent style, on the large estate which is Craig and Bert's, and more of the BEST barbecue than the whole army of people who are there can possibly eat. Yes, there will be alcohol there. Yes, people will drink and be stupid. But as far as kids and safety are concerned, we took Carl last year, and he didn't blow his fingers off around the fireworks, so that is saying something. It has been busted by the cops the last few years, however. One year CRANK played. Sorry, we kind of spoiled it for everybody. Last year, some fireworks hit a neighbor's house. Craig and Bert are working on those noise and fireworks issues.
Oh yeah, the fireworks! Comparable to most southern Illinois cities' fireworks, only James Ricks is the guy setting them off.
Can I get a hell yeah from everybody if Craig and Bert are cool with us playing?
DNA
From: H.O.G.
HELL YEAH !! Since I'll be there anyway, that is efficient use of time!
As far as noise issues, we could play quieter than Crank if need be. I'd actually recommend it. And that was really my fault anyway, cuz I asked Craig if I was too loud. He (paraphrasing) told me to turn it up as loud as I wanted. I did.
So anyway, this morning I was standing in the closet pulling out clothes, and noticed that my Tinnitus is becoming more pronounced. There you have it - I just admitted I'm getting old and whiny (as opposed to just whiny). Hearing is a good thing, mostly.
Yes, the party IS kid friendly - if the kids are freaks like their parents. No really, its cool.
HOG
From: Song Engine
Hell Yeah- for the Song Engine, maybe the family could tow along. More on that later. Let me know what music to work on-and other details
Song Engine
To: Mr. Kamikaze, H.O.G., Song Engine
From: DNA
Re: DISCONTENT!!!
Well, guys, DNA wishes he could respond back with songs lists, etc., but SOMEBODY apparently is too busy with WORK or his LIFE or his FAMILY to join our little conversation right now.
His name rhymes with Sister Slahmikaze.
I must have made him mad the last time I was up at his house. For the last time, DNA is sorry he shit in your stairwell.
To: DNA, H.O.G., Song Engine
From: Mr. Kamikaze
Re: The Bacon Of Our Discontent...
To: H.O.G., Mr. Kamikaze, Song Engine
From: DNA
Re: The Bacon Of Out Discontent
DNA is stunned. That was the most beautiful thing DNA has seen this week. DNA is going to buy a pound of bacon and bring it home TONIGHT. And when wifey asks, "What's the bacon for?" DNA will say, "Clothes."
At least it is clear that work, life, and family have not been keeping Mr. Kamikaze away from out little conversation. DNA will note, however, that as enjoyable as seeing a bacon bra was, it was not the HELL YEAH!! DNA was hoping for.
So, Sister,
Is DNA putting too much pressure on you? Are you through working with a self-important douchebag like me? DNA could understand, if that were the case. Do you want DNA's dreams to be crushed?
Let me know,
DNA
From: H.O.G.
To: The Guys
Dude, that was cool. I'll pass that along to the BBQ team promptly.
Oh, and sorry about the "dude" thing, dude.
To: The guys
From: DNA
Re: Helloo-------helloo---------echo--------------homo----------
Date: 4/10/2008
Hi guys, how are you?
Did you get DNA's Kevin Bacon message?
Nobody
emailed
DNA
back.
DNA feels lonely all the way down here in Metropolis.
Did you guys all get together and kick me out of the band?
Can DNA still be a roadie? You can use all my stuff if you want.
Well, DNA heard back from Craig and he sounds very enthused about having us play if indeed we can play. He likes the DNA versus DEVO idea. So, DNA hopes we can. But if we can't, so be it.
On other notes, Mr. Kamikaze, DNA will be in Chicago doing a presentation, and will be in town April 30th and May 1st. Can DNA stay at your house? If so, great, if not, no big deal. DNA just needs to make his plans. DNA is going to try to rent a Dodge Charger to drive up there.
H.O.G., if you have had a moment to listen to the song DNA did about Theo and Marian, DNA will be happy to stay late one evening if you can knock that shit out. It shouldn't take more than an hour.
Song Engine, Schuba's was fun. Thanks again.
Talk to you later,
DNA
To: The Guys
From: DNA
Re: The Kevin Bacon Message
DNA takes it that's a no on the Kevin Bacon message DNA sent out via email?
DNA is ambivalent towards his computer right now. If you didn't get the Kevin Bacon message from DNA, do you want it? Now it's not going to seem quite as funny, since there is all this preconception about "The Kevin Bacon Message."
DNA
From: H.O.G.
To: the Guys
Re: Kevin Bacon
Huh? I like bacon. Go ahead a spam away!
From: Song Engine
To: The guys
Re: Playing a Show This summer....
Did you hear anything else about this July 4 gig? I just saw Jared... I mean heard Jared- who would play that tripped out keyboard?
Let me know if you hear anything so I can plan.
Cheers
Song Engine
To: The Guys
From: DNA
Re: The Demise Of The DNA Vibrators Has Been Greatly Exaggerated
DNA-theists,
DNA had a disconcerting conversation with Mr. Kamikaze last week. It inspired DNA to rush to Chicago for an emergency intervention to be by his side. Mr. Kamikaze, unbeknownst to DNA, or even his friends, was apparently on his death-bed, because he told me that that he just couldn't play a show down here in July, or in the near future, or probably in the distant future, either. The intervention started at 4:13 am last Wednesday. In about the time it takes to watch the Star Wars Trilogy (the good one), DNA was right there, at 4515 N. Bacon Street. Then, DNA remembered he lived on Beacon Street (fucking Bacon-bikini!!!). So, it took a little longer than DNA expected, but DNA knew he could hold on. When DNA got to his house, stoically, heroically, he was still at work, so DNA waited around their front porch and read a good book called "This Is Your Brain On Music." Then, DNA heard the cackle of Mr. Kamikaze's suped-up Volvo wagon. DNA rushed to meet him as he came walking in through the gate in his backyard. He looked deathly pale, the life practically oozing in puddles out of the soles of his shoes...or perhaps that was just the late afternoon sun in DNA's eyes. "Mr. Kamikaze," DNA whispered, getting as close as he could without our faces touching (cuz that would be gay), "what's the problem, ya little dickhead? Why can't you?"
Mr. Kamikaze said, "Uh, hi, DNA? What the hell are you doing here?" He sounded surprisingly okay. Seeing me must have lifted his spirits.
"Is it lupis? Anabolic steroid use? Annie?" DNA asked. "Cuz DNA could talk to her. She thinks DNA is cool."
"What the fuck are you talking about, DNA? Annie doesn't think you're cool!" He was pretty animated for being on his death-bed (maybe he just on his really-tired-from-work-bed).
"C'mon, man, it's just one show. One show which could change the motherfucking planet," which DNA said in the style of his favorite one trick pony, Jack Black. DNA even packed on 30 pounds of pure fat before he left Metropolis to be more inspiring for JUST THIS MOMENT.
Mr. Kamikaze stopped trying to push DNA out of his face. "Are you here right now to get me to play that party thing?..." Incredulous hardly describes how incredulous DNA was.
"Party thing?" DNA said. "Party...thing?" You see, you understand, DNA thought he must have been on his death-bed, or his really-tired-from-work-bed, if he wasn't gung-ho to play.....
Mr. Kamikaze looked like he just watched the Pope masturbate. "You can't be fucking serious. This is why you are here? Do you think you're Jack Black or something?"
It was an honest mistake, right? Why else would he not want to play?
"Well, you didn't respond to my email, and then, well, after the 30th time DNA called, you seemed kind of annoyed, so DNA thought..." which trailed off the same way that a condom hangs out of the mouth of a drunken hooker. You know, kind of sadly.
"You know what this makes you?" Mr. Kamikaze asked.
"A pathetic, little man?"
"Yes."
And Mr. Kamikaze was right. After DNA broke down in tears, DNA realized that this intervention was for him, not Mr. Kamikaze.
So, for DNA's sake, Mr. Kamikaze can't play the show.
Actually, Mr. Kamikaze can't play the show because work, family, stress, and not having time or feeling comfortable to learn a bunch of new songs slapped him like a bitch. DNA could have folded, crumpled under that Ike-Turnerish assault, and said, "Well, then, fuck it, DNA guesses the DNA Vibrators are done." But then DNA realized, DNA has made more records without a real drummer than DNA ever did with one, anyway. Mr. Kamikaze is in the band cuz he is fun, not because he is the drummer. So, DNA asked Mr. Kamikaze if he would be pissed if DNA asked somebody else to play drums, and honestly, he looked relieved, and said, "No, I would not be pissed!"
H.O.G., do you know if Bill Lancaster is still around, or if Taz might be able to get together with us? DNA is thinking about asking my musical friends via myspace to see if any of them would be willing to play drums for us for a set. DNA is also strongly considering playing out, but using the computer, set up on a desk, to play the drums and the keys, kind of like it does, well, now. It would be complete with witty banter, all preprogrammed! Unfortunately, this would probably take a level of precision that DNA is not capable of reproducing live.
However, DNA is just as comfortable telling Craig that Mr. Kamikaze hates him and we can't play his party. DNA just wanted to let you guys know what was up. DNA doesn't want to do any of that until DNA hears back from you guys. So, guys, give me your feedback: What would you like the DNA Vibrators to do? Song Engine, DNA kind of realize that if it ain't you and Mr. Kamikaze both coming down, it's not worth the gas to get here, and DNA is okay with whatever you decide. H.O.G., you and DNA are here anyway, so my opinion for us is WTF---why not? Hell, Mr. Kamikaze, if you want to come to the party, but NOT play, that would be cool, too. Their parties ROCK, and are not to be missed.
On a separate note, H.O.G., if you can squeeze in some time to knock out the best solo of your life EVER, that would be great. Let me know a time that would work for you (preferably after regular work hours---DNA'll stay late!).
The DNA Vibrators are dead. Long live the DNA Vibrators!
From H.O.G.
To: The guys
I am apoplectic. Or is that Apostolic, apologetic, appollonian, or just appalling?
Fuck, I can't even give this a coherent response...
On with my new project, Brother of Sam.
Yes, you heard me. Yes, THAT Sam. Or his brother anyway. Who I just saw at Makanda Fest on saturday. Swaying about, looking old.
You losers don't even know what I'm talking about, do you?
Well you know what? I don't know what to say just now. I'm also quite busy (not) doing some shit I need to get done.
I'll respond more coherently when I have more time...
H.O.G.
To: The Guys
From: DNA
Re: DNA's Last weird email...
Hi folks,
DNA thinks perhaps his last email, in an attempt to be humorous, was a little weird, even for DNA.
So DNA'll summarize it for you: Mr. Kamikaze can't play in July, and is real busy.
DNA would like to know in the next few days if anybody else is interested in playing, cuz DNA ain't gonna throw a bunch of shit together at the last minute, and if we play, DNA got a lot of work to do (either arranging shit with a new drummer and possibly two guitars, or writing/recording/editing a bunch of shit on the computer). If we can't/won't play, then DNA wants to be able to tell Craig and Bert about it right away.
Talk to you later,
DNA
To: The Guys
From: H.O.G.
Re: Fucking weird email....
Yeah, my response was a little weird too, though I was definitely attempting to be humorous.
So my vote is we just bow out. It's too fucked up. I have too many other things going on.
I have a wedding to play over Memorial Day weekend. I'm not ready.
I have two (3?) concerts (like real serious performances) in the middle of June. Again, not ready.
I could go on with 1/2 dozen other things, but that is enough to freak me out.
I don't think I will be able to really enjoy the process of doing a show, and if it ain't fun...
Which is probably where Mr. Kamikaze is at, even if he could make it down.
Let's do it if/when we are ready and NEED to do it. I'm not saying you don't have needs, DNA;?}
Anyway, I'm off to rehearsal for said June concerts.
DNA, I don't know if/when I can record at this point. Let me try to get shit straight over the weekend and let you know.
I would still be willing to play (something) at ReevesFest, but I think DNA will be problematic.
Peace guys, H.O.G.
At which point, we took H.O.G.'s advice, and bowed out. See how weird shit can get when people talk to each other?
Permanent Historical Record: 06/12/08
And Then There Were Nine...
Since DNA completed
It Could Have Been Worse
it wrote two songs in quick succession: "It Got Worse," and "You Didn't Know." The first song, "It Got Worse," is the call back to the above mentioned song. The next song, "You Didn't Know," was inspired by DNA's cat, Ptolemy. He is nearing death's door, and we will probably be taking him to the vet this Saturday to be euthanized. Once you realize DNA is singing to his soon-to-be-dead cat, it makes the whole song more gay, DNA guesses (if that's possible). Screw you guys! It makes it cooler!!!
So, the new record is shaping up as follows:
There's Something On Your Back
Black Monday
The Ballad of Theo and Marian
I Saw Jared
You Call My Name
The Simple Pleasures
It Could Have Been Worse
It Got Worse
You Didn't Know
And here are the new songs:
It Got Worse
You Didn't Know
That's like, 9 songs already. You know, DNA could have spent that time doing aerobics, or learning origami.
Permanent Historical Record: 06/20/08
Music News and Myoo-SICK Revues!!!
DNA has written a couple of more songs, and is going to resurrect an old Coolies song called, "This Song (was written for my friend, Jim)." DNA has decided on at least one cover song: "Big Bad John," by none other than Jimmy Dean, more famous now for sausage than hit records. DNA would also like to fit in one more cover song. Any ideas?
Time for another Myoo-SICK Revue. This one has been a long time coming. DNA has only bought a couple of new records lately, new to him, at least. DNA is gay for the Supersuckers, so it has been buying up their stuff, and DNA is now carrying the torch for this installment's review subject: the band Polysics.
What do you need to know about Polysics? Well how about this? They're cool. They're from Japan. They've been around for over 10 years, but unless you're into import vinyl and CD's, you probably have never heard of them. Because at first glance, they look like a DEVO clone, circa 1980, even if you had heard of them, you might just pass them by, and say something like, "Fuck, I just don't get the Japanese."
DNA is here to say, "Fuck, DNA just don't get the Japanese," and that is okay. Polysics is not so much about the obsessive mimicry of Western styles that permeates Japanese culture, but about paying homage, making inspired quirky songs from the New Wave spring that still bubbles up on the side of Mt. Fuji, and also really innovating sound, and trying elements of different styles.
Far from being a DEVO clone, Polysics is a DEVO meets Man-Or-Astroman clone, and hell, aren't there hundreds of bands like that? Oh, that's right. There is one. Polysics.
In most myoo-SICK revues, DNA quotes some lyrics out of context to make bands sound really ignorant, but it is hard to do with Polysics, since most of the lyrics are in Japanese. Some are in English, DNA thinks, but in the end, it doesn't matter. The sounds of the lyrics are part of the brush Polysics uses to paint their old Korg Poly Six keyboards.
In the album DNA just purchased, called Polysics Or Die!!!! Vista, a greatest hits compilation (their second, actually) there are some songs or sounds that are a little too DEVO for their own good. It's hard to beat the boys from Akron at their own game, and unfortunately, when Polysics mines that vein a little too deeply, they sound more like a caricature than a creative force. However, on some cuts, like "I My Me Mine," they capture the guts of New Wave with very little of the glitter and black eyeliner that went with the typical synth band. The old analog synths deliver the "soul" of the biomechanical rhythm, but the fuzz and overdriven drums, frantic and frenetic vocals, and the tri-tone creepy synth texture on the top makes this little gem really shine. And, you can't get much greasier on a keyboard bassline than the song, "Kaja Kaja Goo," which must means something in Japanese and simultaneously points out how idiotic one of the more successful new wave synth bands, Kaja Goo Goo, was.
Here's a clip from YouTube:
The girl in the video isn't in the band, or so DNA has heard. She just kind of hangs out with them.
And you might as well see the rest of the story:
So, go buy the record. It's available on iTunes, or in really cool records stores. While you're at it, check out the Octopus Project, too. More fun in the same vein.
No more YouTube shit. DNA gets it. Sorry. He was stuck on the cut and paste.
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