DNA has been hard at work doing work, so has not had time to regularly update the blog. As an exercise for one of his Ph.D. classes, he wrote this song:
I Got A Heavy Load
It's a song about cognitive architecture, and since DNA hadn't finished one in awhile, he is glad to post one about anything. Yes, DNA is getting tired of admitting that he is slowing down. However, in the small break between classes from the spring to the summer, he intends to be pretty busy with several new tracks.
In related music news, DNA's son took first superior on his saxophone piece in state last week. Also, DNA got himself (well, really, his little children) a nice keyboard to mess around on at home. It has already proven itself to be a great teaching tool for all of us.
DNA does intend to get back to fun part of blogging about the Carbondale music scene, but it will have to wait at least a week or two longer. Yeah, DNA knows, you are breathless in anticipation....
Showing posts with label The Akkademiks. Show all posts
Showing posts with label The Akkademiks. Show all posts
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Give A Monkey A Typewriter...
And he will shit on it, eventually. DNA has a fun little announcement to share with you, the breathless internet throng: DNA has written a book! It is called, no surprise, "Twin Rockets Are A Go, Baby!" It is a collection of the best of the website, with some extras thrown in. In the next few days, DNA will let you know when it is available for purchase and/or download, and how to buy it. Over the next few weeks, it will be available across many booksellers, including places like Amazon.com. Pretty nifty, huh?
Also, DNA has begun work in earnest on new songs. One is about the Hangar 9, another is about his upcoming high school reunion, and still others are from the old DNA catalog. Who knows when it will be complete? You will, that's who!!
And, to the many who have purchased songs from the albums, particularly some folks who downloaded all of the Akkademiks, THANKS!
Also, DNA has begun work in earnest on new songs. One is about the Hangar 9, another is about his upcoming high school reunion, and still others are from the old DNA catalog. Who knows when it will be complete? You will, that's who!!
And, to the many who have purchased songs from the albums, particularly some folks who downloaded all of the Akkademiks, THANKS!
Friday, October 24, 2008
August, 2008
By the end of July, DNA's summer therapy sessions led to an explosion of new music. The new record is shaping up to have 15 or 18 songs on it. Several of them might be good. DNA is getting really excited about playing on August 9th up at the Hangar. Expect lots of good photos and video from the event.
Permanent Historical Record: 08/01/08
School's Out...
DNA survived a brutal but worthwhile summer class schedule. He has a much better understanding and appreciation for what good teachers do to make lesson plans for their students. Think about that for a second. Every day, every minute of a school child's day is planned for by the teacher, and good ones take advantage of every second they have to get as much learned in ways that inspire their students. That is a heavy charge we give to teachers, and it is amazing that some of them actually meet this challenge or exceed it for their students. My professional hat is off to them.
In last month's blog, DNA spent some time talking about a local Carbondale girl, a person DNA has known since before she was born, Rosie, who was mauled by a dog. She very nearly died, but has survived, and is doing very well. For those interested, please check out Reach Out To Rosie.
She has continued to make great strides, and DNA hopes that you will take a moment or two from your busy life to think about Rosie.
The good folks and Thomas Publishing and the Carbondale Nightlife are also putting on a benefit concert for Rosie, at the Hangar 9 in Carbondale, IL, on Saturday, August 9th. Among the Carbondale music scene luminaries, it will be the honor of the DNA Vibrator, the Hand of God Attachment, Mac Daddy, AMICO, and Carlito, to play a few songs and express our love for Rosie and the Gordon family. We hope to see you there. DNA guarantees an unusual musical evening will be had, which will include laughing, crying, gnashing of teeth, funky dancing, children singing, computers, and maybe even robots.
Permanent Historical Record: 08/08/08
Pre-show...Jitters???
Yesterday, as DNA was practicing for the upcoming show, something happened to him which never happens. He got a funny, butterflies in the stomach kind of feeling. He thought maybe his blood sugar was low or something, but then realized, he was experiencing pre-show jitters!!!
Maybe you would expect this to happen, but DNA means it when he says this just doesn't happen to him. Then DNA started to realize why: This is the first time in nearly 25 years that he has played a show without a real live (and really good) drummer. It's a weird feeling. Who can DNA blame for fucking up the song? When the tempo gets all wonky, who will look like the drums are playing him? Will people think they are watching karaoke (to quote George Carlin: as exciting as watching old people fuck)? Will they wonder if we are lip-syncing? What if the computer fucks up? If there is a hiccup in the song cuz the processor gets bogged down? What if the sound guy never gets the mix in the monitor right, and we never hear good drum sound on stage? What if we're a beat off? (drum roll and crash for the old music joke---we're all beat offs :D ).
That has been too much shit to worry about. And, on top of that, DNA has been fighting a cold (and sore throat) for about two weeks, and will probably have to go to the doctor if it doesn't clear up. So, DNA has been babying his throat, and has been worrying way too much about how solid vocally he will be tomorrow.
So, internet confessor, DNA has spilled his guts, and let his cares spew out like eviscerated intestines on the floor. Tomorrow will be weird, there is no doubt. DNA may forget the lyrics. The computer may fuck up. DNA may lose his voice. But there is no doubt that every second will be worth it if it helps bring a few dollars more to the Gordon family.
Ah, DNA feels better now.
Permanent Historical Record: 08/11/08
The Aftermath...
DNA hates, math, particularly aftermath. Usually. In this case, though, describing what happened at the Rock Out For Rosie Benefit before, during and after is not like math at all.
On Saturday, we introduced three new members of the DNA Vibrators: Mac Daddy, AMICO, and Carlito. Carlito stole the show. DNA thinks we should vote him out of the band.
Click HERE for a video of his debut performance. But give it a moment or two to load, because it is a big file.
In the next couple of days, DNA will have some pictures to add to the blog. In the previous post, DNA discussed the pre-show jitters, the stuff about the show being little more than karaoke, but those nerves faded as H.O.G., DNA and Carlito loaded our gear up to the Hangar. Even though we were there early, there were already a lot of people there. Families. Those of you who know the Hangar, and spent many hours getting looped in those dark confines, think about kids romping through the place like it was a dank-smelling Chuck E. Cheese. It was a little surreal. There were dozens of raffle items, dozens of silent auction and live auction items, there was a web station set up to take credit card donations for Rosie, there was food from Hunan. It was, in a word, terrific.
We showed up early so that we could soundcheck the computer set up. Despite our planning, the sound guy was uninterested/unwilling to accommodate DNA. Now, if you have read this blog for any length of time, you know DNA strongly believes you should treat your sound guy right, because he controls how much you suck, no matter how good you might actually be. So, when the sound guy patronizingly said that he had been doing this for a long time, and if the computer tracks sounded good on the computer, they'll sound good tonight, DNA accepted that although the sound guy was trying to be reassuring in a self-improtant dick kind of way, the sound guy simply didn't realize what a sound check is for. The sound check IS FOR THE MUSICIAN, not the sound guy. It is the musician who needs to know what his stuff sounds like in the club, not vice versa. Any good sound guy already knows what his stuff is capable of.
DNA was not interested in teaching this guy this valuable lesson however, generally because lessons like that are wasted on sound guys who think they know everything about sound, and because being a dick himself wouldn't make the sound check happen anyway. As a rule of thumb, if the sound guy is telling you, "Don't worry about it," what they think they are doing is reassuring you, but what they are actually doing is telling how little they are there to work for you. It so happened that this is exactly how the evening unfolded, too. For example, before we went on, and we were soundchecking the computer, the sound guy said, "So, I'll need mikes for three up front, bass, guitar, computer, and drums?" and DNA said, "No, the drums and all of the other additional tracks are on the computer. This is why I would have liked a sound check, so I could see if the levels were good. I'd like to take whatever time we need so I can hear the drums through the mains." The sound guy patted my shoulder in a way that made me wish my should was covered in poison needles. "Don't worry," he said. "I have done this before. Everything will sound great." DNA wanted to say, "I have done this before....YOU WERE BORN, ya fucking' douchebag!" while he grabbed the patronizing hand and bent it back until it cracked, but instead said, "Okay, thanks alot!" Again, why antagonize the guy who controls sound output? DNa would rather appease the little sonic Napolean rather than draw the battle lines right on the stage. If you do that, you always lose.
This incident, however, was a welcome distraction. DNA was glad to see that some things never change.
Before this happened, the first bands played, and sounded fine, and after DNA bid on a couple of items (a nice guitar donated by Mike of Mike's Music) he left and chilled out at the hotel that he and the fam booked for the night. DNA made his way back to the bar with Carlito and wifey about 10 pm, and realized that everything had moved forward very quickly, and that all of the bands were ahead of schedule. If you're in a band, you know this never happens. Now, here DNA was, ready to axe a couple of songs out of the setlist, when one of the show organizers came up and said, "Hey, everything is running early, so you guys can play more if you want," to which DNA responded, "No, we can't," and then explained that we only had so many songs sequenced.
Well H.O.G. was also nowhere to be found, because he was expecting for us to start at about 11:30, which usually means 12:00, but in this case meant 10:30. See how this aftermath works? It screws you up.
DNA was able to get in touch with H.O.G., and we were ready as the Moonbuggy Kids finished a terrific set. We took our time to set up, went through the sound guy shenanigans described above, and then were ready to go.
AMiCO was excited, and maybe a little nervous, but was A-1 on top of her game, and was ready to press the buttons on Mac Daddy, even when DNA changed he setlist at the last moment. DNA decided that the Beatles medley and "It Could Have Been Worse" were just not going to fit, regardless of what time we had to play. We started with "Plate Tectonic King," which went well, but was way too loud, onstage and out of the mains. But hey, that's what you get when you don't fucking check the computer drums in advance, but what the fuck does DNA know, right?
We prepared the crowd for the karaoke death machine party we were bringing, and even talked everybody through what would happen if the computer fucked up, which it did on our second song, "Well." Mac Daddy is great, but sometimes, it gets bogged down with too many "live" tracks to render on the fly. In the middle of the break in the song, the computer simply stopped. AMiCO was freaked out by the message "Not all of the tracks can be displayed," but kept her cool and clicked "okay" and it started right back up again. H.O.G. and DNA didn't skip a beat. We kept singing and playing, and then amazingly picked back up where the computer left off. Thank goodness it was in the break part, because that part of the song was easiest to pick back up into. This would be the only computer glitch of the night, thankfully, and it actually relieved a lot of tension now that the worst had happened.
The next song was the bomb track by Carlito. He really did steal the show. After we left the stage, a talent scout from LA who happened to be in the audience asked for his contact information, no bullshit. That was weird and cool, and frankly, we (DNA and wifey) weren't sure how to handle that. We respectfully declined at that moment, but are willing to keep our options open. If he's got that kind of talent, he'll still have it next year, y'know? He's only 12. We're thinking we need to let him live like a 12 year old. Well, a 12 year old that hangs out in bars, and rips it up on stage.
The highlights of the evening for DNA included "God Made Us Funky," which sounded really good, and "The Future Is Rosie," which was well received by the crowd, and meant a lot for DNA to sing. DNA has included the rough version of that song on the front page.
After the show, the fam chilled out, went to Denny's for the after show feast, and then made it back up to the Hangar at closing time to catch the last few songs by Jackhead, who rocked. Then, we loaded up the equipment, headed back to the hotel, and DNA and Carlito stayed up and played Marvel Ultimate Alliance.
DNA knows he is reaching the end of the line. He is getting too old for schlepping gear in and out of clubs at 2 am. But, as we were loading gear out, H.O.G. said that he was looking forward to the next time, the next time we could do some of the new stuff with Mr. Kamikaze. DNA would like to see that happen, too.
Permanent Historical Record: 08/20/08
A Banner Day...
Started the Monday after the show and lasted until the Thursday after the show. First, as DNA was walking up to work that Monday morning, some fellow was sitting at the benches in the small garden between our buildings having a smoke. As DNA walked up and acknowledged him and said, "Hello," he said, "Hey, weren't you in CRANK?" This stopped DNA up short, cuz the last time someone said that was probably when DNA was still in the band CRANK, circa 1995. "Yeah," DNA said. "Man, that was a long time ago." The fellow responded, "I remember seeing you guys play. You were good. How's Dave?" At which point, we kind of meandered about in a very nice conversation about how awesome a player Dave is.
Then, throughout the week, many folks, friends and strangers, came up and said that they either dug the show or wished they would have been there. That was cool.
Finally, the 96 hour day ended on Thursday, when the Carbondale Nightlife and the Carbondale Times both did articles which featured the DNA Vibrators. Those articles will shortly appear in the blog and be archived in the article-y part of the website.
A banner day...and a great event for Rosie Gordon.
Permanent Historical Record: 08/22/08
The Press...
DNA was going to call this blog post "the fourth estate," but that was a little too full of journalistic integrity and importance (read--'gay') for DNA. After months of relative silence, in one week, DNA gets the featured article in the local entertainment rag, the Carbondale Nightlife, for the Akkademiks' record, and gets a front page picture in the Carbondale Times, a local newspaper, for DNA participation in the "Rock Out For Rosie" benefit.
Here is the picture of the Carbondale Times' article:
And here is the text of the article.
Rosie Benefit Exceeds Expectations
(picture) Roger Pugh and the DNA Vibrators perform during �Rock Out For Rosie� on August 9 at Hangar 9.
Brandon Weisenberger, editor
Life has been a bit surreal the past few weeks for Kendra Kennedy-Gordon and her family.
After her 4-year old daughter, Rosie, suffered severe facial wounds in a dog attack earlier this summer, their world was turned upside down.
The Gordons spent a month in a St. Louis children�s hospital while more than a dozen doctors cared for the injured girl. Then back at their Murphysboro home, the family entered what Kennedy-Gordon called �relative isolation� as the aided Rosie�s recovery.
But, little known to the Gordons, an entire community followed Rosie�s story throughout the summer and reached out to help. Over the weekend, the Murphysboro family finally came face to face with those who cared.
Hangar 9 was the site of the all-day Rock Out For Rosie benefit concert that attracted hundreds of people on August 9. City officials, business leaders, old friends of the Gordons and scores of others flocked to the bar for the event. Organizers said the attendance exceeded expectations.
Hunan Chinese Restaurant served a buffet and seven local music acts performed. Many businesses and individuals provided money or materials for the event (a full list of contributors is on page 4 [DNA�s note----DNA will not copy the full list of contributors, but it included almost 130 different contributors---amazing, huh?])
All proceeds from the door and from the dozens of items that were raffled and auctioned off went to Reach Out To Rosie, a trust fund set up at First Southern Bank.
"I don't think we could have expected this much support," said Kennedy-Gordon, a longtime employee of Thomas Publishing, publisher of the Carbondale Times.
She said she and her husband, Tom, were sure that close friends and family would lend a hand after Rosie's attack, but were surprised by and are forever thankful for everyone who helped out.
Supporters and donors ranged from complete strangers to old high school friends whom Kennedy-Gordon said she hadn�t talked to since 1986.
"I still don�t think I've come to grips with the enormity of the situation," she said.
A big source of comfort, Kennedy-Gordon said, came from comments left at www.reachouttorosie.org, which offers a forum for well-wishers. Entries continue to flood in to the site, which also features a blog that the family uses to provide updates.
As for Rosie, doctors have laid out a 10 year plan of reconstructive surgeries and therapy. Surgeons used flesh, a tendon and an artery from one of Rosie's arms to form a new chin, and one of the next steps is forming a bottom lip. Speech therapy sessions are also underway.
Other than the long docket of upcoming operations, Rosie is full of spirit and hasn't let the accident slow her down.
"She is just as wild and rambunctious as she was before the accident," Kennedy-Gordon said.
Along with attracting the support of a community, Rosie's incident spurred the city council to revisit its dog ordinance. Discussion has included muzzling requirements and allowing the city attorney to pursue charges against owners of dogs that are deemed vicious and attack a human.
At four years old, Rosie isn't quite aware of all that has gone on in her name, but Kennedy-Gordon said her daughter knows that people are doing good things for her family.
She said, "Rosie keeps saying, 'I love this town.'"�
Then, in the back to school issue of the Carbondale Nightlife, this, if DNA may say so humbly and sheepishly, wonderfully articulate and glowing article gave some terrific coverage to The Akkademiks. Here is a picture of the article, followed by the text of the article. Again, this fellow Roger Pugh is mentioned all over the place. DNA thinks this punk must be some kind of sycophantic loser, to glom on to DNA's well-deserved press. If DNA sees this know it all in a dark alley, he's gonna wait until the coast is clear, and then hope a lot that something really bad will happen to him.
And here is the text of the article.
Vibrators and Rocks
The Music of Roger Pugh
(pictured: Roger Pugh----whoever the hell that is)
By T.J. Jones
Roger Pugh has been a part of the Carbondale music scene since the late 1980�s. Aside from being a part of a slew of bands including CRANK, the Nightsoil Coolies, and Monster Truck, Pugh�s new-wave influenced DNA Vibrators have quietly been making some of the charmingly odd psych-pop music around.
Most recently, Pugh's band has released a side-project album entitled "The Akkademiks....ROCK!" The album is a fun romp that not only aims high at entertaining but is also useful to educate listeners about geology. With titles like "Sweet Geology," "Rock Cycle," and "Plate Tectonic King," the Akkademiks muse Schoolhouse Rock-like charm and catchiness to make an album that, like Pugh's work with the DNA Vibrators, is both humorous and seriously good. Students taking geology classes at SIU should consider buying the disc as a study aid.
Pugh also just released "Libertini," a set of recently unearthed live tracks by his first band, the beloved Nightsoil Coolies.
Nightlife recently caught up with Pugh, right before he performed at the Rock Out For Rosie benefit concert at the hangar 9 on Saturday, August 9.
NL: What can you tell us about your side project, the Akkademiks?
Pugh: The Akkademiks was born from that same burst of creativity that restarted the DNA Vibrators. In my real job at the Achieve Program at SIU, I work to provide academic support for students with learning disabilities. I thought that creating a Schoolhouse Rock series of albums for college level courses was a great idea, because music engages memory in different ways than visual/reading/textual sources do. Because I have tutored the introductory geology course at the university for many years, I felt comfortable enough with the curriculum to start with that class. I also thought that if I could write an album of songs about that, then I could write an album of songs for about any topic. So, while I had fun and personal creative release in the DNA Vibrators, I used my experience with those records to craft the Akkademiks record "The Akkademiks....ROCK!"
In October of 2007, I released the record to little local fanfare, but through my distributor have enjoyed some success with it. And yes, we will perform some songs off of the Akkademiks record for the show on August 9. We will also debut some new material which will be on an upcoming DNA [Vibrators] record.
NL: There seems to be a great amount of humor in your work, whether it be with the DNA Vibrators or the Akkademiks. Why is that? Is music meant to be funny? Do other artists and performers take themselves too seriously? Take a song like "Climate Change," from "The Akkademiks....ROCK!" It's a very serious subject, yet the song, like the rest of the CD, is quite fun to listen to. Why is that?
Pugh: When I played in CRANK, we were angry, we were misunderstood, we were like every other heavy alternative band. I'm not trying to diminish what we did or what others do, but it's easy to be angry in a rock and roll song. Rock and roll was created by artists to sing songs about sex and drugs and other wonderful behavior from the socially maladjusted. But rock music isn't just about shouting until you're hoarse, throwing up the devil horns and blasting out tri-tones all night long. [ahhh, those were the days]
It is also about being silly, about enjoying yourself, about love, about loss. Music is meant to be about interpreting your world, and interpreting yourself to the world. Even though a lot of my songs are kind of goofy, I'm really serious about what I do. I want you to dig the groove I'm putting down, I want you to move your feet, but I also would like you to listen to the lyric and maybe smile once in awhile. We have to be able to laugh at ourselves, or at least smirk snidely at each other out of the corners of our mouths.
Especially for the Akkademiks' record, I needed to craft good songs first, and then write lyrics that served the educational purpose, and then, if I could hook a little humor into the mix, why not?
NL: What can someone expect to discover when they hear "The Akkademiks....ROCK!?" Do you think people interested or studying geology will find it more interesting or fun than someone who is just looking to hear some good music?
Pugh: Well, I had the chance to try some different instrumentation and some different musical styles with the Akkademiks. In fact, part of the experiment was to try to make each song come from a different branch of the rock and roll tree. Most of the record doesn�t stray too far from the boundaries of alternative rock, but I did stretch my wings when I could. There's a funk horn section and three-part Pips-style harmony on the song, "Poppa's earthquake" and a nasty distorted bass line and solo on the song, "Rock Cycle," for example.
I hope people hear some good music, and if they know me, some things that they might not have expected me to do. I hope that the educational purpose is achieved as well. That's not so strange, when you think about it----all music is instructional, in some way, whether it's teaching a social more, or how to break it. This record was just a little more obvious and direct in its message and its audience. If you're taking Geology 111 this fall, buy the record, and learn some stuff about rocks.
NL: You have a slew of music out there. Exactly how many CD�s/albums have your released and how can people who are interested find them?
Pugh: "The Shape Of Things To Have Come And Gone," "The Result Of Continuous Exposure To Radiation," and "The Akkademiks....ROCK!" are all available for sale as physical product or digital download at CDBaby.com, on iTunes, and dozens of others of the most popular music download sites----Napster, Rhapsody, Snocap, et cetera. If you look for my stuff on iTunes, search for either the DNA Vibrators or for the Akkademiks. You can link to these records, and listen to songs from previous bands in which I played (most of the old stuff is free to download) from my website, http://www.the-dna-vibrator.com, or go to the ubiquitous MySpace and type in http://www.myspace.com/TheDNAVibrators.
Permanent Historical Record: 08/01/08
School's Out...
DNA survived a brutal but worthwhile summer class schedule. He has a much better understanding and appreciation for what good teachers do to make lesson plans for their students. Think about that for a second. Every day, every minute of a school child's day is planned for by the teacher, and good ones take advantage of every second they have to get as much learned in ways that inspire their students. That is a heavy charge we give to teachers, and it is amazing that some of them actually meet this challenge or exceed it for their students. My professional hat is off to them.
In last month's blog, DNA spent some time talking about a local Carbondale girl, a person DNA has known since before she was born, Rosie, who was mauled by a dog. She very nearly died, but has survived, and is doing very well. For those interested, please check out Reach Out To Rosie.
She has continued to make great strides, and DNA hopes that you will take a moment or two from your busy life to think about Rosie.
The good folks and Thomas Publishing and the Carbondale Nightlife are also putting on a benefit concert for Rosie, at the Hangar 9 in Carbondale, IL, on Saturday, August 9th. Among the Carbondale music scene luminaries, it will be the honor of the DNA Vibrator, the Hand of God Attachment, Mac Daddy, AMICO, and Carlito, to play a few songs and express our love for Rosie and the Gordon family. We hope to see you there. DNA guarantees an unusual musical evening will be had, which will include laughing, crying, gnashing of teeth, funky dancing, children singing, computers, and maybe even robots.
Permanent Historical Record: 08/08/08
Pre-show...Jitters???
Yesterday, as DNA was practicing for the upcoming show, something happened to him which never happens. He got a funny, butterflies in the stomach kind of feeling. He thought maybe his blood sugar was low or something, but then realized, he was experiencing pre-show jitters!!!
Maybe you would expect this to happen, but DNA means it when he says this just doesn't happen to him. Then DNA started to realize why: This is the first time in nearly 25 years that he has played a show without a real live (and really good) drummer. It's a weird feeling. Who can DNA blame for fucking up the song? When the tempo gets all wonky, who will look like the drums are playing him? Will people think they are watching karaoke (to quote George Carlin: as exciting as watching old people fuck)? Will they wonder if we are lip-syncing? What if the computer fucks up? If there is a hiccup in the song cuz the processor gets bogged down? What if the sound guy never gets the mix in the monitor right, and we never hear good drum sound on stage? What if we're a beat off? (drum roll and crash for the old music joke---we're all beat offs :D ).
That has been too much shit to worry about. And, on top of that, DNA has been fighting a cold (and sore throat) for about two weeks, and will probably have to go to the doctor if it doesn't clear up. So, DNA has been babying his throat, and has been worrying way too much about how solid vocally he will be tomorrow.
So, internet confessor, DNA has spilled his guts, and let his cares spew out like eviscerated intestines on the floor. Tomorrow will be weird, there is no doubt. DNA may forget the lyrics. The computer may fuck up. DNA may lose his voice. But there is no doubt that every second will be worth it if it helps bring a few dollars more to the Gordon family.
Ah, DNA feels better now.
Permanent Historical Record: 08/11/08
The Aftermath...
DNA hates, math, particularly aftermath. Usually. In this case, though, describing what happened at the Rock Out For Rosie Benefit before, during and after is not like math at all.
On Saturday, we introduced three new members of the DNA Vibrators: Mac Daddy, AMICO, and Carlito. Carlito stole the show. DNA thinks we should vote him out of the band.
Click HERE for a video of his debut performance. But give it a moment or two to load, because it is a big file.
In the next couple of days, DNA will have some pictures to add to the blog. In the previous post, DNA discussed the pre-show jitters, the stuff about the show being little more than karaoke, but those nerves faded as H.O.G., DNA and Carlito loaded our gear up to the Hangar. Even though we were there early, there were already a lot of people there. Families. Those of you who know the Hangar, and spent many hours getting looped in those dark confines, think about kids romping through the place like it was a dank-smelling Chuck E. Cheese. It was a little surreal. There were dozens of raffle items, dozens of silent auction and live auction items, there was a web station set up to take credit card donations for Rosie, there was food from Hunan. It was, in a word, terrific.
We showed up early so that we could soundcheck the computer set up. Despite our planning, the sound guy was uninterested/unwilling to accommodate DNA. Now, if you have read this blog for any length of time, you know DNA strongly believes you should treat your sound guy right, because he controls how much you suck, no matter how good you might actually be. So, when the sound guy patronizingly said that he had been doing this for a long time, and if the computer tracks sounded good on the computer, they'll sound good tonight, DNA accepted that although the sound guy was trying to be reassuring in a self-improtant dick kind of way, the sound guy simply didn't realize what a sound check is for. The sound check IS FOR THE MUSICIAN, not the sound guy. It is the musician who needs to know what his stuff sounds like in the club, not vice versa. Any good sound guy already knows what his stuff is capable of.
DNA was not interested in teaching this guy this valuable lesson however, generally because lessons like that are wasted on sound guys who think they know everything about sound, and because being a dick himself wouldn't make the sound check happen anyway. As a rule of thumb, if the sound guy is telling you, "Don't worry about it," what they think they are doing is reassuring you, but what they are actually doing is telling how little they are there to work for you. It so happened that this is exactly how the evening unfolded, too. For example, before we went on, and we were soundchecking the computer, the sound guy said, "So, I'll need mikes for three up front, bass, guitar, computer, and drums?" and DNA said, "No, the drums and all of the other additional tracks are on the computer. This is why I would have liked a sound check, so I could see if the levels were good. I'd like to take whatever time we need so I can hear the drums through the mains." The sound guy patted my shoulder in a way that made me wish my should was covered in poison needles. "Don't worry," he said. "I have done this before. Everything will sound great." DNA wanted to say, "I have done this before....YOU WERE BORN, ya fucking' douchebag!" while he grabbed the patronizing hand and bent it back until it cracked, but instead said, "Okay, thanks alot!" Again, why antagonize the guy who controls sound output? DNa would rather appease the little sonic Napolean rather than draw the battle lines right on the stage. If you do that, you always lose.
This incident, however, was a welcome distraction. DNA was glad to see that some things never change.
Before this happened, the first bands played, and sounded fine, and after DNA bid on a couple of items (a nice guitar donated by Mike of Mike's Music) he left and chilled out at the hotel that he and the fam booked for the night. DNA made his way back to the bar with Carlito and wifey about 10 pm, and realized that everything had moved forward very quickly, and that all of the bands were ahead of schedule. If you're in a band, you know this never happens. Now, here DNA was, ready to axe a couple of songs out of the setlist, when one of the show organizers came up and said, "Hey, everything is running early, so you guys can play more if you want," to which DNA responded, "No, we can't," and then explained that we only had so many songs sequenced.
Well H.O.G. was also nowhere to be found, because he was expecting for us to start at about 11:30, which usually means 12:00, but in this case meant 10:30. See how this aftermath works? It screws you up.
DNA was able to get in touch with H.O.G., and we were ready as the Moonbuggy Kids finished a terrific set. We took our time to set up, went through the sound guy shenanigans described above, and then were ready to go.
AMiCO was excited, and maybe a little nervous, but was A-1 on top of her game, and was ready to press the buttons on Mac Daddy, even when DNA changed he setlist at the last moment. DNA decided that the Beatles medley and "It Could Have Been Worse" were just not going to fit, regardless of what time we had to play. We started with "Plate Tectonic King," which went well, but was way too loud, onstage and out of the mains. But hey, that's what you get when you don't fucking check the computer drums in advance, but what the fuck does DNA know, right?
We prepared the crowd for the karaoke death machine party we were bringing, and even talked everybody through what would happen if the computer fucked up, which it did on our second song, "Well." Mac Daddy is great, but sometimes, it gets bogged down with too many "live" tracks to render on the fly. In the middle of the break in the song, the computer simply stopped. AMiCO was freaked out by the message "Not all of the tracks can be displayed," but kept her cool and clicked "okay" and it started right back up again. H.O.G. and DNA didn't skip a beat. We kept singing and playing, and then amazingly picked back up where the computer left off. Thank goodness it was in the break part, because that part of the song was easiest to pick back up into. This would be the only computer glitch of the night, thankfully, and it actually relieved a lot of tension now that the worst had happened.
The next song was the bomb track by Carlito. He really did steal the show. After we left the stage, a talent scout from LA who happened to be in the audience asked for his contact information, no bullshit. That was weird and cool, and frankly, we (DNA and wifey) weren't sure how to handle that. We respectfully declined at that moment, but are willing to keep our options open. If he's got that kind of talent, he'll still have it next year, y'know? He's only 12. We're thinking we need to let him live like a 12 year old. Well, a 12 year old that hangs out in bars, and rips it up on stage.
The highlights of the evening for DNA included "God Made Us Funky," which sounded really good, and "The Future Is Rosie," which was well received by the crowd, and meant a lot for DNA to sing. DNA has included the rough version of that song on the front page.
After the show, the fam chilled out, went to Denny's for the after show feast, and then made it back up to the Hangar at closing time to catch the last few songs by Jackhead, who rocked. Then, we loaded up the equipment, headed back to the hotel, and DNA and Carlito stayed up and played Marvel Ultimate Alliance.
DNA knows he is reaching the end of the line. He is getting too old for schlepping gear in and out of clubs at 2 am. But, as we were loading gear out, H.O.G. said that he was looking forward to the next time, the next time we could do some of the new stuff with Mr. Kamikaze. DNA would like to see that happen, too.
Permanent Historical Record: 08/20/08
A Banner Day...
Started the Monday after the show and lasted until the Thursday after the show. First, as DNA was walking up to work that Monday morning, some fellow was sitting at the benches in the small garden between our buildings having a smoke. As DNA walked up and acknowledged him and said, "Hello," he said, "Hey, weren't you in CRANK?" This stopped DNA up short, cuz the last time someone said that was probably when DNA was still in the band CRANK, circa 1995. "Yeah," DNA said. "Man, that was a long time ago." The fellow responded, "I remember seeing you guys play. You were good. How's Dave?" At which point, we kind of meandered about in a very nice conversation about how awesome a player Dave is.
Then, throughout the week, many folks, friends and strangers, came up and said that they either dug the show or wished they would have been there. That was cool.
Finally, the 96 hour day ended on Thursday, when the Carbondale Nightlife and the Carbondale Times both did articles which featured the DNA Vibrators. Those articles will shortly appear in the blog and be archived in the article-y part of the website.
A banner day...and a great event for Rosie Gordon.
Permanent Historical Record: 08/22/08
The Press...
DNA was going to call this blog post "the fourth estate," but that was a little too full of journalistic integrity and importance (read--'gay') for DNA. After months of relative silence, in one week, DNA gets the featured article in the local entertainment rag, the Carbondale Nightlife, for the Akkademiks' record, and gets a front page picture in the Carbondale Times, a local newspaper, for DNA participation in the "Rock Out For Rosie" benefit.
Here is the picture of the Carbondale Times' article:
And here is the text of the article.
Rosie Benefit Exceeds Expectations
(picture) Roger Pugh and the DNA Vibrators perform during �Rock Out For Rosie� on August 9 at Hangar 9.
Brandon Weisenberger, editor
Life has been a bit surreal the past few weeks for Kendra Kennedy-Gordon and her family.
After her 4-year old daughter, Rosie, suffered severe facial wounds in a dog attack earlier this summer, their world was turned upside down.
The Gordons spent a month in a St. Louis children�s hospital while more than a dozen doctors cared for the injured girl. Then back at their Murphysboro home, the family entered what Kennedy-Gordon called �relative isolation� as the aided Rosie�s recovery.
But, little known to the Gordons, an entire community followed Rosie�s story throughout the summer and reached out to help. Over the weekend, the Murphysboro family finally came face to face with those who cared.
Hangar 9 was the site of the all-day Rock Out For Rosie benefit concert that attracted hundreds of people on August 9. City officials, business leaders, old friends of the Gordons and scores of others flocked to the bar for the event. Organizers said the attendance exceeded expectations.
Hunan Chinese Restaurant served a buffet and seven local music acts performed. Many businesses and individuals provided money or materials for the event (a full list of contributors is on page 4 [DNA�s note----DNA will not copy the full list of contributors, but it included almost 130 different contributors---amazing, huh?])
All proceeds from the door and from the dozens of items that were raffled and auctioned off went to Reach Out To Rosie, a trust fund set up at First Southern Bank.
"I don't think we could have expected this much support," said Kennedy-Gordon, a longtime employee of Thomas Publishing, publisher of the Carbondale Times.
She said she and her husband, Tom, were sure that close friends and family would lend a hand after Rosie's attack, but were surprised by and are forever thankful for everyone who helped out.
Supporters and donors ranged from complete strangers to old high school friends whom Kennedy-Gordon said she hadn�t talked to since 1986.
"I still don�t think I've come to grips with the enormity of the situation," she said.
A big source of comfort, Kennedy-Gordon said, came from comments left at www.reachouttorosie.org, which offers a forum for well-wishers. Entries continue to flood in to the site, which also features a blog that the family uses to provide updates.
As for Rosie, doctors have laid out a 10 year plan of reconstructive surgeries and therapy. Surgeons used flesh, a tendon and an artery from one of Rosie's arms to form a new chin, and one of the next steps is forming a bottom lip. Speech therapy sessions are also underway.
Other than the long docket of upcoming operations, Rosie is full of spirit and hasn't let the accident slow her down.
"She is just as wild and rambunctious as she was before the accident," Kennedy-Gordon said.
Along with attracting the support of a community, Rosie's incident spurred the city council to revisit its dog ordinance. Discussion has included muzzling requirements and allowing the city attorney to pursue charges against owners of dogs that are deemed vicious and attack a human.
At four years old, Rosie isn't quite aware of all that has gone on in her name, but Kennedy-Gordon said her daughter knows that people are doing good things for her family.
She said, "Rosie keeps saying, 'I love this town.'"�
Then, in the back to school issue of the Carbondale Nightlife, this, if DNA may say so humbly and sheepishly, wonderfully articulate and glowing article gave some terrific coverage to The Akkademiks. Here is a picture of the article, followed by the text of the article. Again, this fellow Roger Pugh is mentioned all over the place. DNA thinks this punk must be some kind of sycophantic loser, to glom on to DNA's well-deserved press. If DNA sees this know it all in a dark alley, he's gonna wait until the coast is clear, and then hope a lot that something really bad will happen to him.
And here is the text of the article.
Vibrators and Rocks
The Music of Roger Pugh
(pictured: Roger Pugh----whoever the hell that is)
By T.J. Jones
Roger Pugh has been a part of the Carbondale music scene since the late 1980�s. Aside from being a part of a slew of bands including CRANK, the Nightsoil Coolies, and Monster Truck, Pugh�s new-wave influenced DNA Vibrators have quietly been making some of the charmingly odd psych-pop music around.
Most recently, Pugh's band has released a side-project album entitled "The Akkademiks....ROCK!" The album is a fun romp that not only aims high at entertaining but is also useful to educate listeners about geology. With titles like "Sweet Geology," "Rock Cycle," and "Plate Tectonic King," the Akkademiks muse Schoolhouse Rock-like charm and catchiness to make an album that, like Pugh's work with the DNA Vibrators, is both humorous and seriously good. Students taking geology classes at SIU should consider buying the disc as a study aid.
Pugh also just released "Libertini," a set of recently unearthed live tracks by his first band, the beloved Nightsoil Coolies.
Nightlife recently caught up with Pugh, right before he performed at the Rock Out For Rosie benefit concert at the hangar 9 on Saturday, August 9.
NL: What can you tell us about your side project, the Akkademiks?
Pugh: The Akkademiks was born from that same burst of creativity that restarted the DNA Vibrators. In my real job at the Achieve Program at SIU, I work to provide academic support for students with learning disabilities. I thought that creating a Schoolhouse Rock series of albums for college level courses was a great idea, because music engages memory in different ways than visual/reading/textual sources do. Because I have tutored the introductory geology course at the university for many years, I felt comfortable enough with the curriculum to start with that class. I also thought that if I could write an album of songs about that, then I could write an album of songs for about any topic. So, while I had fun and personal creative release in the DNA Vibrators, I used my experience with those records to craft the Akkademiks record "The Akkademiks....ROCK!"
In October of 2007, I released the record to little local fanfare, but through my distributor have enjoyed some success with it. And yes, we will perform some songs off of the Akkademiks record for the show on August 9. We will also debut some new material which will be on an upcoming DNA [Vibrators] record.
NL: There seems to be a great amount of humor in your work, whether it be with the DNA Vibrators or the Akkademiks. Why is that? Is music meant to be funny? Do other artists and performers take themselves too seriously? Take a song like "Climate Change," from "The Akkademiks....ROCK!" It's a very serious subject, yet the song, like the rest of the CD, is quite fun to listen to. Why is that?
Pugh: When I played in CRANK, we were angry, we were misunderstood, we were like every other heavy alternative band. I'm not trying to diminish what we did or what others do, but it's easy to be angry in a rock and roll song. Rock and roll was created by artists to sing songs about sex and drugs and other wonderful behavior from the socially maladjusted. But rock music isn't just about shouting until you're hoarse, throwing up the devil horns and blasting out tri-tones all night long. [ahhh, those were the days]
It is also about being silly, about enjoying yourself, about love, about loss. Music is meant to be about interpreting your world, and interpreting yourself to the world. Even though a lot of my songs are kind of goofy, I'm really serious about what I do. I want you to dig the groove I'm putting down, I want you to move your feet, but I also would like you to listen to the lyric and maybe smile once in awhile. We have to be able to laugh at ourselves, or at least smirk snidely at each other out of the corners of our mouths.
Especially for the Akkademiks' record, I needed to craft good songs first, and then write lyrics that served the educational purpose, and then, if I could hook a little humor into the mix, why not?
NL: What can someone expect to discover when they hear "The Akkademiks....ROCK!?" Do you think people interested or studying geology will find it more interesting or fun than someone who is just looking to hear some good music?
Pugh: Well, I had the chance to try some different instrumentation and some different musical styles with the Akkademiks. In fact, part of the experiment was to try to make each song come from a different branch of the rock and roll tree. Most of the record doesn�t stray too far from the boundaries of alternative rock, but I did stretch my wings when I could. There's a funk horn section and three-part Pips-style harmony on the song, "Poppa's earthquake" and a nasty distorted bass line and solo on the song, "Rock Cycle," for example.
I hope people hear some good music, and if they know me, some things that they might not have expected me to do. I hope that the educational purpose is achieved as well. That's not so strange, when you think about it----all music is instructional, in some way, whether it's teaching a social more, or how to break it. This record was just a little more obvious and direct in its message and its audience. If you're taking Geology 111 this fall, buy the record, and learn some stuff about rocks.
NL: You have a slew of music out there. Exactly how many CD�s/albums have your released and how can people who are interested find them?
Pugh: "The Shape Of Things To Have Come And Gone," "The Result Of Continuous Exposure To Radiation," and "The Akkademiks....ROCK!" are all available for sale as physical product or digital download at CDBaby.com, on iTunes, and dozens of others of the most popular music download sites----Napster, Rhapsody, Snocap, et cetera. If you look for my stuff on iTunes, search for either the DNA Vibrators or for the Akkademiks. You can link to these records, and listen to songs from previous bands in which I played (most of the old stuff is free to download) from my website, http://www.the-dna-vibrator.com, or go to the ubiquitous MySpace and type in http://www.myspace.com/TheDNAVibrators.
April was a whirlwind. Sales of the Akkademik's record has taken off, DNA is in the midst of planning events, writing songs, traveling for his work, and studying for finals. While this was going on, DNA went on a nature hike, entertained relatives from Alaska, built a shed, survived an earthquake, nearly choked to death, and got a new dog, named Lucky. Thank God he ain't too busy.
Permanent Historical Record: 05/04/08
April's Showers Bring May's Super-Double-Kick-Ass Rock!
In April, we had snow, ice, floods, and 90 degree weather, thunderstorms, high winds, tornado watches, and also some absolutely beautiful Tahiti island days. Yaaayyyyyy! global warming! so, this year, it wasn't just April showers hard at work reminding Hades to release Persephone on the world, letting loose the coiled energy of vernal verdigris...oh, fuck all that....it's Spring! Spring has sprung! And like a junkie who is sprung, Spring is shakin' and bakin,' quakin' and undertakin' (almost).
In keeping with the title of the post, most of DNA's news this month will have to do with musical goings-on. That's novel, isn't it? A music blog focusing on music.
For DNA's own reference, DNA will list the topics he would like cover this month:
1. Music news, including 4, count em, 4 songs now done for the new record, and several more new ones on the way;
2. Music news, including a long overdue primer for you Mac nuts on how to get the most out of Garageband. Considering DNA has recorded about 75 original recordings using ONLY Garageband drums, you'd think he'd have figured it out by now, but just LAST WEEK he discovered a new trick which really improved the sound he was getting;
3. Music news, including the tragic story of MR. Kamikaze, and why he WON'T be playing drums if the DNA Vibrators play out this summer...
4. Music news, including reviews of some bands that if you haven't listened to, you should, because DNA knows what is good for you. These bands include: The Near Death Experience, Unclefucker, The Supersuckers, Moonbuggy Kids, Nonagon, and Polysics;
5. Music news, including, hopefully, the confirmation of a DNA show this summer;
6. DNA's choking incident...yes, that sounds serious;
7. Pictures from the nature hike, along with the end of the first chapter of the story of Suresh (you might remember Suresh from the FREE SURESH campaign DNA was part of a few months back);
8. Various and sundry other shit DNA promised to do last month but didn't :D
DNA is struggling with the title for the new record. DNA has called it "3," even though this will actually be the DNA Vibrator's 6th album, and "De-Mandatory," cuz H.O.G. told DNA a funny story from somebody who used that term as a real word--- but, neither of those are quite right. DNA is leaning towards a title in the same vein as the titles of the previous two records. Here's his first try: "The Inconspicuous Intersection Of The Gross And Sublime." Too pretentious? Probably. It's the word "sublime." Nobody calls his own stuff sublime, unless he is a pretty big douchebag. But hey, if the douchebag fits,....insert it??? Or, maybe DNA could substitute the word "obvious" instead "sublime?" That might work, too.
Permanent Historical Record: 05/07/08
A Whole Lotta Shakin' Goin' On!
Southern Illinois lies on a network of deep, ancient geologic faults, most notably, the New Madrid fault. A couple of weeks back, a 5.2 magnitude earthquake shook this area, followed by several aftershocks. Do you know the difference between an aftershock or a foreshock? Well, if the big earthquake happens first, and then smaller quakes happen later, the smaller quakes are aftershocks. However, if what you thought was the big quake was followed by even bigger quakes, then the quakes before the big one are called foreshocks. so, what a scientist calls an aftershock today, might be a foreshock tomorrow.
Oh, DNA also found out that homeowner's insurance typically does not cover earthquake damage. Thanks, multi-billion dollar huge profit industry.
Those of you who read here from time to time know that DNA is the driving force behind the Akkademiks, a band that writes songs about academic subjects, like earthquakes. Here is an early demo version of the song "Earthquake Report," before it appeared on the Akkademiks record called, "The Akkademiks....ROCK!"
Earthquake Report
There is another fine song about earthquakes on the record, but you'll just have to buy the record to get that one. If you buy the record, you get the studio final version of Earthquake Report, too. Isn't that nice?
During the actual earthquake, DNA slept. The next day, DNA felt the aftershock. It was strange, feeling the building at which DNA works sway back and forth, and seeing the water in the fish tank slosh back and forth.
Since the quake, there has been about 20 aftershocks, and some other quakes in nearby areas. There's nothing like an earthquake to make you feel like an inconsequential case of fleas on the back of a big, big, dog.
There are more songs on the way, and a couple of features DNA is looking forward to writing. Check back soon.
Permanent Historical Record: 05/14/08
Garageband Is For Nerds Who Are Gay For Macs
You may not have a Mac, and you may not know what Garageband is. DNA can�t help you. But if you have a Mac, then you probably know what Garageband is. In fact, like most people, you probably played with it for about 10 minutes, like you did with the built in camera/photobooth feature which seems really cool�for about 3 of those 10 minutes you messed around with it. The difference is that Garageband is much more than just a gimmick.
If you have a PC, DNA isn�t ignoring you. In fact, there are many programs like Garageband around the net to download for free or for cheap. Basically, Garageband is a simple, all-in-one multi-track recorder, composer, mixer, sampler, digital converter, mastering deck, and loop browser.
So, you may have one of many other similar pieces of software. Good for you. Since DNA will be talking about Garageband, some of what is discussed next is ubiquitous and applicable to you, but some of it is anachronistic and only will make sense if you use Garageband.
Garageband is a no frills music engine, extremely easy to use, but full of hidden potential to produce some top notch recordings. Don't believe DNA? Almost all of the last 50 songs DNA has put out on the last several records have been completely recorded in, or using software instruments of, or loops from, Garageband.
The key to making Garageband recordings which sound and feel live, have a certain spaciousness, and warm quality that belies their digital pedigree, is drums. Not the drum sounds themselves, because the loops are top notch, nor the built in drum kits from which you can compose your own beats, which sound very live. Like DNA has said before, computers make perfect worlds easily. It's all the tiny imperfections and variations which give our world its dimension that computers get snagged up on. This logic holds for computer drums. They are too perfect. The tempo is too precise, especially for rock and roll. So, in order to get the most out of your drum sound, pretty soon, you will find you will build your own beats, and use loops for flavor. When you make your own beats, even though it takes more time, create your first measure, and instead of pulling the tab to simply loop it over and over, copy and paste each individual measure next to each other separately. That will be the flexible base from which you work. As you lay down other tracks, whether they are live or virtual, then you will have the freedom to tweak individual measures, adding or subtracting elements as needed. Also, though it takes more time, leave your high hat and cymbals to another separate track. The effects you might want to put on them later will be different than the effects you will want to put on your toms or snare.
As you place and tweak each measure, it is important to build in imperfections---fluctuations in the lengths that the high hat is held, differences in the velocity at which you hit the snare, triplets that are held a fraction too long on the first beat---you get the idea. You don�t have to do it every measure, but you do need to do it enough and with enough subtlety that it still feels natural. This is a must do.
DNA has followed this basic premise for most of his songs, and except in rare instances, it is really difficult to tell that the drums are almost all 100% canned. However, after successful recording with Garageband for a few years now, just last week, DNA discovered the next natural progression in making the drums sound even more live and natural.
The step is an extension of the "put your high hat and cymbals on a separate track" philosophy. On your main basic track, you put your snare, toms, and bass drum. Leave this track unaffected, except for any EQ and compression you need to keep the track levels and tone right.
On another track (sometimes two, if you want right and left separation) you put your high hat and cymbals. On another track, you duplicate your snare/tom/bass drum track, but then you remove the bass drum.
On this track, you apply any of the matrix reverb effects. When you do this separately, instead of applying a little bit of matrix reverb on the first track you make, in which you kind of have to split the difference between having a crisp snare or an effected snare, it sounds different. Better. More like real drums in a real club.
You have the original snap of the dry snare, and also the effected track which fattens it up so much more. The same sound holds true for toms and other percussion, but not so much for the bass drum. In fact, if you leave the bass drum in the second track, it sounds kind of flappy, probably because there are some noticeable phase problems with the low frequencies that aren't present with the higher frequency drums.
Listen to these two versions of the same demo, one without the duplicated effected track, and one with.
Fat Drums DRY
Fat Drums EFFECTED
Doesn't this defeat the purpose of the simplicity of Garageband? No. So there. Well, it does make creating drums a little more complicated, but in the end, once you have finished all of those drums, you can save it as a loop, and make it all real simple again. In various degrees, all of the new songs DNA is working on will use this method of drum creation.
Permanent Historical Record: 05/19/08
Individual Arias From The Collective Opera
On the way to work today, DNA swore that he wouldn't even think about music. Then, the title for the new record came to him. It will be called, "Individual Arias From the Collective Opera," because the new record is purposely being driven by songs specifically about individual people DNA knows. Or, individuals DNA made up for the purpose of the song. This is very different for DNA, whose subjects generally are not actual people, but are comic book characters, cats, or sexual organs.
There are five songs ready for the new record. They are:
You Call My Name
The Ballad Of Theo And Marian
I Saw Jared
There's Something On Your Back
Black Monday
These are all about people DNA knows, with the exception of Black Monday. Listen to them, and see if one is about you!
Permanent Historical Record: 05/29/08
It's A Happy Song!
You know why you hear a thousand songs about being angry to every one song about being happy? DNA could leave you to your own designs, but, fuck it, it's a rhetorical question anyway. The reason is because it is a lot harder to write a song about generally feeling content and happy. The reason it is harder is because a happy song generally doesn't have the dramatic tension that a bad relationship song, or a dirty love song, or a hate your guts song, or poor misunderstood teenager song comes loaded with. It is hard not to make a happy song sound like sissies sucking lollypops wrote it, or make it sound like a greeting card set to muzak.
The Coolies wrote a couple of happy songs, (most notably, "Happy" ) without sounding too much like we wore Power Puff Girls underwear (even though we did). Angst, betrayal, jealousy, lust, these baser emotions still bear lyrical fruit even in the clumsiest of hands.
So, DNA isn't trying to brag, but after writing a kick-ass song about regret and remorse, addiction and loss, it wanted to try its hand at a song about being content. DNA stayed with its plan, and picked a person he knew to use as his template, and literally, in the next 10 minutes, it was done. It took a few more hours after that to finish the tracks, but once the lyrics were done, everything else was secondary.
Without further ado, here is
The Simple Pleasures
DNA is already hard at work on the next song, inspired by DEVO.
Permanent Historical Record: 05/04/08
April's Showers Bring May's Super-Double-Kick-Ass Rock!
In April, we had snow, ice, floods, and 90 degree weather, thunderstorms, high winds, tornado watches, and also some absolutely beautiful Tahiti island days. Yaaayyyyyy! global warming! so, this year, it wasn't just April showers hard at work reminding Hades to release Persephone on the world, letting loose the coiled energy of vernal verdigris...oh, fuck all that....it's Spring! Spring has sprung! And like a junkie who is sprung, Spring is shakin' and bakin,' quakin' and undertakin' (almost).
In keeping with the title of the post, most of DNA's news this month will have to do with musical goings-on. That's novel, isn't it? A music blog focusing on music.
For DNA's own reference, DNA will list the topics he would like cover this month:
1. Music news, including 4, count em, 4 songs now done for the new record, and several more new ones on the way;
2. Music news, including a long overdue primer for you Mac nuts on how to get the most out of Garageband. Considering DNA has recorded about 75 original recordings using ONLY Garageband drums, you'd think he'd have figured it out by now, but just LAST WEEK he discovered a new trick which really improved the sound he was getting;
3. Music news, including the tragic story of MR. Kamikaze, and why he WON'T be playing drums if the DNA Vibrators play out this summer...
4. Music news, including reviews of some bands that if you haven't listened to, you should, because DNA knows what is good for you. These bands include: The Near Death Experience, Unclefucker, The Supersuckers, Moonbuggy Kids, Nonagon, and Polysics;
5. Music news, including, hopefully, the confirmation of a DNA show this summer;
6. DNA's choking incident...yes, that sounds serious;
7. Pictures from the nature hike, along with the end of the first chapter of the story of Suresh (you might remember Suresh from the FREE SURESH campaign DNA was part of a few months back);
8. Various and sundry other shit DNA promised to do last month but didn't :D
DNA is struggling with the title for the new record. DNA has called it "3," even though this will actually be the DNA Vibrator's 6th album, and "De-Mandatory," cuz H.O.G. told DNA a funny story from somebody who used that term as a real word--- but, neither of those are quite right. DNA is leaning towards a title in the same vein as the titles of the previous two records. Here's his first try: "The Inconspicuous Intersection Of The Gross And Sublime." Too pretentious? Probably. It's the word "sublime." Nobody calls his own stuff sublime, unless he is a pretty big douchebag. But hey, if the douchebag fits,....insert it??? Or, maybe DNA could substitute the word "obvious" instead "sublime?" That might work, too.
Permanent Historical Record: 05/07/08
A Whole Lotta Shakin' Goin' On!
Southern Illinois lies on a network of deep, ancient geologic faults, most notably, the New Madrid fault. A couple of weeks back, a 5.2 magnitude earthquake shook this area, followed by several aftershocks. Do you know the difference between an aftershock or a foreshock? Well, if the big earthquake happens first, and then smaller quakes happen later, the smaller quakes are aftershocks. However, if what you thought was the big quake was followed by even bigger quakes, then the quakes before the big one are called foreshocks. so, what a scientist calls an aftershock today, might be a foreshock tomorrow.
Oh, DNA also found out that homeowner's insurance typically does not cover earthquake damage. Thanks, multi-billion dollar huge profit industry.
Those of you who read here from time to time know that DNA is the driving force behind the Akkademiks, a band that writes songs about academic subjects, like earthquakes. Here is an early demo version of the song "Earthquake Report," before it appeared on the Akkademiks record called, "The Akkademiks....ROCK!"
Earthquake Report
There is another fine song about earthquakes on the record, but you'll just have to buy the record to get that one. If you buy the record, you get the studio final version of Earthquake Report, too. Isn't that nice?
During the actual earthquake, DNA slept. The next day, DNA felt the aftershock. It was strange, feeling the building at which DNA works sway back and forth, and seeing the water in the fish tank slosh back and forth.
Since the quake, there has been about 20 aftershocks, and some other quakes in nearby areas. There's nothing like an earthquake to make you feel like an inconsequential case of fleas on the back of a big, big, dog.
There are more songs on the way, and a couple of features DNA is looking forward to writing. Check back soon.
Permanent Historical Record: 05/14/08
Garageband Is For Nerds Who Are Gay For Macs
You may not have a Mac, and you may not know what Garageband is. DNA can�t help you. But if you have a Mac, then you probably know what Garageband is. In fact, like most people, you probably played with it for about 10 minutes, like you did with the built in camera/photobooth feature which seems really cool�for about 3 of those 10 minutes you messed around with it. The difference is that Garageband is much more than just a gimmick.
If you have a PC, DNA isn�t ignoring you. In fact, there are many programs like Garageband around the net to download for free or for cheap. Basically, Garageband is a simple, all-in-one multi-track recorder, composer, mixer, sampler, digital converter, mastering deck, and loop browser.
So, you may have one of many other similar pieces of software. Good for you. Since DNA will be talking about Garageband, some of what is discussed next is ubiquitous and applicable to you, but some of it is anachronistic and only will make sense if you use Garageband.
Garageband is a no frills music engine, extremely easy to use, but full of hidden potential to produce some top notch recordings. Don't believe DNA? Almost all of the last 50 songs DNA has put out on the last several records have been completely recorded in, or using software instruments of, or loops from, Garageband.
The key to making Garageband recordings which sound and feel live, have a certain spaciousness, and warm quality that belies their digital pedigree, is drums. Not the drum sounds themselves, because the loops are top notch, nor the built in drum kits from which you can compose your own beats, which sound very live. Like DNA has said before, computers make perfect worlds easily. It's all the tiny imperfections and variations which give our world its dimension that computers get snagged up on. This logic holds for computer drums. They are too perfect. The tempo is too precise, especially for rock and roll. So, in order to get the most out of your drum sound, pretty soon, you will find you will build your own beats, and use loops for flavor. When you make your own beats, even though it takes more time, create your first measure, and instead of pulling the tab to simply loop it over and over, copy and paste each individual measure next to each other separately. That will be the flexible base from which you work. As you lay down other tracks, whether they are live or virtual, then you will have the freedom to tweak individual measures, adding or subtracting elements as needed. Also, though it takes more time, leave your high hat and cymbals to another separate track. The effects you might want to put on them later will be different than the effects you will want to put on your toms or snare.
As you place and tweak each measure, it is important to build in imperfections---fluctuations in the lengths that the high hat is held, differences in the velocity at which you hit the snare, triplets that are held a fraction too long on the first beat---you get the idea. You don�t have to do it every measure, but you do need to do it enough and with enough subtlety that it still feels natural. This is a must do.
DNA has followed this basic premise for most of his songs, and except in rare instances, it is really difficult to tell that the drums are almost all 100% canned. However, after successful recording with Garageband for a few years now, just last week, DNA discovered the next natural progression in making the drums sound even more live and natural.
The step is an extension of the "put your high hat and cymbals on a separate track" philosophy. On your main basic track, you put your snare, toms, and bass drum. Leave this track unaffected, except for any EQ and compression you need to keep the track levels and tone right.
On another track (sometimes two, if you want right and left separation) you put your high hat and cymbals. On another track, you duplicate your snare/tom/bass drum track, but then you remove the bass drum.
On this track, you apply any of the matrix reverb effects. When you do this separately, instead of applying a little bit of matrix reverb on the first track you make, in which you kind of have to split the difference between having a crisp snare or an effected snare, it sounds different. Better. More like real drums in a real club.
You have the original snap of the dry snare, and also the effected track which fattens it up so much more. The same sound holds true for toms and other percussion, but not so much for the bass drum. In fact, if you leave the bass drum in the second track, it sounds kind of flappy, probably because there are some noticeable phase problems with the low frequencies that aren't present with the higher frequency drums.
Listen to these two versions of the same demo, one without the duplicated effected track, and one with.
Fat Drums DRY
Fat Drums EFFECTED
Doesn't this defeat the purpose of the simplicity of Garageband? No. So there. Well, it does make creating drums a little more complicated, but in the end, once you have finished all of those drums, you can save it as a loop, and make it all real simple again. In various degrees, all of the new songs DNA is working on will use this method of drum creation.
Permanent Historical Record: 05/19/08
Individual Arias From The Collective Opera
On the way to work today, DNA swore that he wouldn't even think about music. Then, the title for the new record came to him. It will be called, "Individual Arias From the Collective Opera," because the new record is purposely being driven by songs specifically about individual people DNA knows. Or, individuals DNA made up for the purpose of the song. This is very different for DNA, whose subjects generally are not actual people, but are comic book characters, cats, or sexual organs.
There are five songs ready for the new record. They are:
You Call My Name
The Ballad Of Theo And Marian
I Saw Jared
There's Something On Your Back
Black Monday
These are all about people DNA knows, with the exception of Black Monday. Listen to them, and see if one is about you!
Permanent Historical Record: 05/29/08
It's A Happy Song!
You know why you hear a thousand songs about being angry to every one song about being happy? DNA could leave you to your own designs, but, fuck it, it's a rhetorical question anyway. The reason is because it is a lot harder to write a song about generally feeling content and happy. The reason it is harder is because a happy song generally doesn't have the dramatic tension that a bad relationship song, or a dirty love song, or a hate your guts song, or poor misunderstood teenager song comes loaded with. It is hard not to make a happy song sound like sissies sucking lollypops wrote it, or make it sound like a greeting card set to muzak.
The Coolies wrote a couple of happy songs, (most notably, "Happy" ) without sounding too much like we wore Power Puff Girls underwear (even though we did). Angst, betrayal, jealousy, lust, these baser emotions still bear lyrical fruit even in the clumsiest of hands.
So, DNA isn't trying to brag, but after writing a kick-ass song about regret and remorse, addiction and loss, it wanted to try its hand at a song about being content. DNA stayed with its plan, and picked a person he knew to use as his template, and literally, in the next 10 minutes, it was done. It took a few more hours after that to finish the tracks, but once the lyrics were done, everything else was secondary.
Without further ado, here is
The Simple Pleasures
DNA is already hard at work on the next song, inspired by DEVO.
December, 2007
As DNA predicted last month, by the end of November, it will have put our three records. That happened. It is hard at work on the next DNA record. Christmas break will allow one last opportunity this year to knock out about 13 or 14 songs:D
Permanent Historical Record: 12/01/07
Deck The Halls...
...with shitloads of DNA songs, fa la la la la, la la la la. The Akkademiks record is currently going through its final art design, which means in a few days, it will be for sale at all of the expected online retailers. Give the gift of DNA's music this holiday season. Enjoy the FREE download of "All I Want For Christmas Is A Whole Lotta Cash.
All I Want For Christmas Is A Whole Lotta Cash
What is on your Christmas list?
Permanent Historical Record: 12/07/07
Happy Birthday To...Everybody!
In DNA's family, there is no less than 9 people with birthdays within 10 days of Christmas: DNA, his sister, all three of his kids, his mother-in-law, his wife's sister, his wife's step-mother, and a cousin or two.
When DNA was a kid, the parents made sure that birthday and Christmas did not melt together. After all, if a kid was born on February 10th, people don't wait until the 14th to get him a present, and then say it is for both birthday and Valentine's Day, do they?
DNA has tried extra hard to keep the kids' birthdays distinct, even for his twin daughters: two cakes, two sets of candles, two songs, separate presents, the whole deal.
The unintended benefit of the particular date of DNA's birthday is that it always happens during finals week at SIU, and as the years have marched on by, DNA thinks less and less about his actual birthday because of work related issues, unless it is for something special, like this.
DNA always had a ritual on his birthday, to call his Mom and wish her the Happy Birthday. After all, it was her doing, on that day, many years ago, that merited celebrating. DNA felt that a birthday celebration should be about honoring the Mom who brought you in to the world.
It's been a year and a half since DNA's mom died. This is the second year that DNA hasn't made that call to his Mom, and talked to her about her recollection of this day, when she was in the hospital in labor with DNA.
To the lady who gave birth to DNA, to the lady who named DNA's first real band, to the lady who gave DNA the permission to try a life of music, even though it may be hard or fruitless, and didn't think that was a waste, to that lady, Happy Birthday.
Permanent Historical Record: 12/08/07
Selling Well Is Selling Out?
This is a topic that DNA spent some time thinking about a long time ago, about the time Metallica's "Black" album came out. Many die hard Metallica fans said that the band had sold out, that Bob Rock succeeded in making them slick and radio friendly, and the trade off for that was the band's musical integrity.
DNA was not one of those people. DNA always thought that old Metallica's stuff sounded too thin, because the bass was nonexistent. You heard guitars, and the click of the noise gate on the kick drum, and vocals, but not much else. Bob Rock brought something that the band needed: the orchestral pyramid.
What is the orchestral pyramid? It is a simple concept really, that low end concert instruments form the base of a pyramid, and everything else is written to fit on top of them. In this concept, the bass isn't buried, it forms all of the structure on which the rest of a song must stand. The bass instruments generally have to be larger, be of greater number, and possess greater power than the other instruments in order to be appreciated as the foundation of most music.
Bob Rock understood the orchestral pyramid. He gave Metallica the bass foundation it needed. Along the way, if that made Metallica more "listenable" to a wider audience, so be it. That's not selling out, that's selling, period.
If you were to ask almost any musician what his or her goal as a musician is, it would be to get his or her music heard by as many people as possible. If an artist actually does this, though, those fans who initially supported the band through the lean times become resentful, as if they were taken for granted by the band that is no longer exclusively "theirs."
Years ago, DNA was inspired to write the song,
"Selling Well Is Selling Out?"
in which DNA postulates: "Selling well is selling out? Selling well is selling out? Making money doesn't mean Fuck my public! It just means that now you're getting paid for having fun. Isn't that what you wanted, man, when it's all said and done? Fuck Yeah!"
DNA hadn't thought about the topic for some time, until last week, when reading some of the comments to some story on Cracked.com, when a group of commenters used characters from the movie, Anchorman, as avatars, and started responding to people's commentary with lines from the movie.
DNA didn't think much about it, until the vehement replies from other commenters started to roll in. Usually the comments were very sarcastic and biting, like "I sure hope somebody starts quoting Ron Burgundy soon, because that is soooo funny when a person attempts to be cool by quoting lines from Anchorman."
Here is an actual quote from a poster: "Anchorman sucks, Stop quoting it. There I said it. I'd rather read the Bible any day over watching the severe beating that was Anchorman. You fucked up Will Ferrell, you gave the kid posting Anchorman quotes something to live for. He should have killed himself already. Do you not realize what you've done?"
Now, DNA never really gives commenters who post on somewhat amusing websites, or actually, commenters who comment on other people's comments, much credence. But, web commenting in general is an interesting phenomenon. DNA believes it is an actual new form of communication. It's a way to take all of the snide, bitchy, redundant, rude, condescending, hateful, and idiotic ranting that until the advent of the internet, was kept as an interior voice only, and make it externalized. The internet allows commenters to take over threads in personal wars, to engage in dimestore philosophy in which no one can claim authority, because every commenter has the same legitimacy. If you have ever left a web comment, you know what DNA is talking about. You stake your claim, you put your take on it out there, and when someone else comments about how you missed the point, you get righteously indignant because that moron so fucking missed YOUR point, and so on.
This is why forums and comments usually break down into polemic diatribes, name calling, and douchebaggery.
This Anchorman thing made me reassess the whole selling out concept in light of the new communication model. You see, we all have done this, quoting from a movie or a book we like, particularly when it has a shared meaning among a group of friends. Among that intimate group of pals, those comments cement you together. In a public forum, they make you a dick. The commenters complaints about people quoting from Anchorman aren't really about the movie, Anchorman. It has much more to do with the fact that a small group of people, who all use Anchorman avatars, have made the comment sections of articles on Cracked.com their bitch. It is no longer the anonymous way for idiots to converse with geniuses, and sound smarter in the process. It became the Anchorman commenters' private joke. Of course, nobody else in the forum liked it. It goes like this: "I don't get to be in on your joke? Fuck you." Or, probably sometimes: "I didn't think of it first? Fuck you." Or, more to the point of my comparison to selling out: "Anchorman is my thing. I liked Will Ferrell before Talladega Nights. I am a real fan. Fuck you."
The only comments section of a website that DNA read regularly was from the old Pointless Waste Of Time website, which is now the Cracked.com forums. The moderator, David Wong, grasped the value of open forum, highly moderated debate. As soon as the diatribes and personal attacks start, Wong boots the commenter from the thread. This keeps the threads very readable, and represents the opposite communication of what most comment sections or forums actually broker.
Did Will Ferrell sell out? Does Anchorman sell out? Have people commenting on people who use Anchorman avatars sold out? Has DNA sold out? If selling out means reaching a wider audience, then, yes, yes, yes, and never, baby!
By the way, remember to contribute to the "DNA record in every stocking by Christmas" campaign this holiday season.
Permanent Historical Record: 12/11/07
Time For Another Myoo-SICK Revue
It's been a week or two, and it is time again for another DNA Myoo-SICK Revue. Instead of taking potshots at passing supertankers (Tila Tequila and The Hollywood Undead), DNA is going to narrow the focus a little bit, and do a review of some local talent. Carbondale has always been a fertile ground for new music. The Carbondale Nightlife does a great job of highlighting new local talent, and will review records in a more holistic way than does DNA. The whole idea is that whether you like the music or not, these guys are out there making it, and deserve respect.
What approach should be taken? Surely, the reviewer shouldn't talk down to his subject, or treat the local guys as lame just because they are local. DNA got that attitude a lot when he was in bands years ago. Some band from Austin could suck balls, but, man, they were from Austin, and we can see you local fuckers anytime...Also, if you talk about a band like they are meaningful, it might be because they are good, and it might be that others will think of local bands with a more global perspective. Also, a lot of reviewers try not to compare a band to another band in a review, because it is a stereotypical short cut, and also because reviewers tend to see those kinds of reviews as juvenile, and not representative of the band or a good way to showcase their own literary and musical knowledge. DNA says FUCK that. Sometimes, saying a band sounds like so and so works.
Innovation occurs in the cul-de-sacs, in the backwaters, in the places that are relatively untouched by the constant push of the raging rivers. In these incestuous little pools, single voices can shape or change the bigger picture. Unfortunately, but inevitably, as bands become more regional, and less local, their ability to affect that pool is necessarily diminished. Once a band gets to a certain level, they no longer swim in those tepid waters. Presented here, now, is a band firmly sitting in the silt-y mud of a forgotten bank of the Big Muddy River outside of Carbondale, and we in Carbondale are all the better for it. The Dammit Boys.
Many of the band's compositions show the strong influence of surf, rockabilly, and the kind of white trash rock that would make the guys in Monster Magnet proud. The Dammit boys would probably be blessed as the appropriate music for the sacrament during a sermon by the Reverend Horton Heat. What DNA thinks most people miss is that there is something else thrown in there, some European gypsy-king vagabond element that transcends the typical genres like garage, or punk, in which the Dammit Boys get dumped. Not that they musically resemble Camper Van Beethoven, but like Camper in spirit, they capture the feeling of old world mystery in a very hard to define way. The cut "Toluene" is a fine example of this fusion. The Bustos blood, originating from the Castille area in Northern Spain, must be running heavily in the veins of lead singer and guitarist, Mortimer Bustos.
Some people in music scenes are larger than life. Mortimer is one of those guys. He has a voice that is reminiscent of Tom Waits, but Mort is not trying to emulate Waits at all. He uses his voice the way true vocalists use their voices: with the understanding that the voice is an instrument with a range that all other musical instruments only pay homage to. Although DNA first met Mort as a bass player, DNA has seen Mort play guitar, on which he shines. If frozen dog shit in a coffee can was an instrument, Mort could pick that up and play the dog shit out of it, literally and figuratively.
Mort is pretty fucking cool. Judge for yourself
(pic of mort). But, he isn't alone. Dave Marquis, the bassist for the Dammit Boys, is quiet, reserved, disarmingly quick of wit, and kick ass on the bass. Not kick butt, not, could punch you in the face if you weren't expecting it, not open hand slap your chest until your tits turn red, but KICK ASS. Overly flashy? No. Unassumingly adding the brass knuckles to the fist of the Dammit Boys? Hell, yes.
DNA doesn't mean to slight Dave Raymond or Time Beaty, the other guitarist and drummer, respectively, of the Dammit Boys by not heaping up their praises. Although DNA has known those guys for some time, he never had the pleasure to get to know them better than as a gawking spectator to their fucking onstage awesomeness.
If it sounds like DNA is a little biased towards the Dammit Boys, maybe cuz he knows them, or something, then you would be wrong. There are lots of bands that DNA likes a lot. Bands like DEVO. Now, the Dammit Boys are not like DEVO. See how this proves DNA is not biased?
Actually, DNA did some objective, experimentation with the music of the Dammit Boys in an attempt to limit the influence of DNA's own history with these guys. DNA played 20 songs at random from his iPod. Then he listened to the Dammit Boys. Then DNA asked himself: Whose voice sounded cooler? What song rocked more? When you hear "Sky Hammer," you can imagine the sweat dripping off of Mort's face as greasy bodies are swaying in the 70's euphoria that leaks from that song like smoke from a raunchy old bong. Seriously, DNA put the iPod on shuffle and started to compare bands. Now, by chance, the iPod cued up the song "Rock Your Ass" by the Supersuckers first, which was a shitty place to be if you were the Dammit Boys! Nobody rocks out with their cocks out the way the Supersuckers do. That was a tough draw for the Dammit Boys right out of the gate. But, OK Go? Dammit boys smoked 'em. Wolfmother? Made 'em wanna run home to momma. Coldplay? Didn't wanna play anymore. In short, the Dammit Boys' records are worth buying. So. You. Go buy them.
From the opening line of "The Mind Snare," you too, feel like you "could walk right through this wall." The song evokes the heady feeling you might have had the first time you listened to the Doors if you were 19 in 1969---and weren't in Vietnam. On their myspace page, the band writes that this song is an example of some of the new stuff they are working on. Their new compositions reflect their continuing growth as musicians, technically and intuitively.
As usual, DNA did some internet searching, and found these interesting tidbits: Unlike the two huge myspace sensations DNA has reviewed previously, in the first three hits on Google, DNA found a review of the band, y'know, like you would expect, if the band were actually a working band. This was the first good sign. Next, reading some of the reviewers unsolicited responses to a show was also positive, such as, "if Mort and I were in prison together I'd definitely want to be his bitch."
Pros: A unique vibe that isn't exactly any of the categories in which it is placed.
Cons: Those turned off by garage rock or surf or rockabilly might give them a pass, which is their loss.
Pros: When you listen to them, you are probably drunk, or getting there.
Cons: You can't capture the contradictory minor key depression that weeps through Mort's guitar playing in the midst of power punk energy very well on a CD.
Pros: The name, evoking the aggravation of an older Dad, yelling at those no good kids getting into who knows what behind the woodshed�
Check out the Dammit Boys the next time you are in Carbondale. You won�t be disappointed.
Permanent Historical Record: 12/17/07
For Everything, A Season....
For DNA, the Christmas season is a special time of year. In December, it's his birthday (well, the current tool of the DNA Vibrator's birthday, but you get DNA's drift), all of DNA's kids are born in December (that sounds like a lot---it's only three, but by Chinese standards, makes DNA a rutting pig), several relatives' birthdays, yadda, yadda, yadda.
It is a time of creative birth, as well. Musically, DNA's first new project in years, "The Shape Of Things To Have Come And Gone," was unofficially done last December (final mix done in January, sent to distribution in February, became the new national anthem of Douchebagistan in March), and his latest two projects, The Akkademiks' first record, "The Akkademiks....ROCK!" and the newly mixed old recordings of the Nightsoil Coolies, entitled "Libertini," were finished this month. The very second DNA record, from 112 years ago, "Unnatural Selection," was done one December, too. The Coolies' first and second studio releases, "Demockery" and "Idiodyssey," respectively, were completed in December, and Monster Truck's second studio recording, "Untitled Demo" was completed over the twang of Sagittarius' arrows. Some of CRANK's soundcore demo was completed in December, as was the rough mix of the CD "Garlic" as well. Though not all are included here, DNA counts about 15 recordings he has finished in December.
It is a good bet that next week, DNA is gonna write some music. DNA has about 15 turds ready to polish, the first one already sitting, brown and smelly, on the front page of this website.
Maybe this is a special time in DNA's life cycle, in which the stars align, his body's rhythm's are in sync with his universal energies, his....
Nah, fuck that. This just happens to be Christmas break. When DNA was a student, this was the only time he could go to the studio. Now that he works like a bitch for the man, this is the only time the burgeois whip is off his back long enough to remember what it was like to dream.
For everything, a season. What's that? Sounds like the man getting his whip back out. Aw, fuck.
Be sure to check the music download page over the next few days. All of the album "Libertini" and its artwork will be available for free for download.
Merry Christmas! Special prize to anyone who can decipher the intent of the new Coolies' record's title. It, of course, follows a general pattern of previous Coolies' records' titles.
Permanent Historical Record: 12/27/07
My Girl Is The Awesome-est.......
Want Proof? During this nice holiday break, knowing that the kids are hellions, knowing that we kept Spazz jr. off his meds, knowing that the day would likely be a 12 hour shouting match, she let me saunter off to Carbondale for the day to work on a song.
You just don't get chicks like that in your life very often. DNA is glad he married this one before she knew his horrible secret, and that she is honorable enough to keep her marriage vow even after she learned the truth.
Okay, DNA has no horrible secrets. He's just a likable loser. Okay, okay. Just a loser.
You can go back to front page to check out the new demo, or you wait a moment, read the story behind the song, and then click the link that follows. The song is called "There's Something On Your Back." It was inspired by the true story of Mr. Kamikaze's irrational fear of bugs. One day, last summer, as Mr. Kamikaze and his family were visiting DNA's humble household, we were out late. We packed up the families and went to the drive-in. When we got home, Mr. Kamikaze and DNA were outside DNA's front door. As often happens in buggy southern Illinois, lots of flying bugs were attracted to the porch light.
This happens everywhere, right? Sure, but southern Illinois is special. It has bugs like a malaria laden swamp, bugs that use the Everglades as their training ground in the winter for what they plan on doing in southern Illinois over the summer. In fact, southern Illinois has bugs like a malaria laden swamp because it is one of the few places in America where there are malaria laden swamps. Yes, malaria. It's like when you cross interstate 64, you drop back in time a hundred years, and drop a couple of dozen IQ points while you're at it. Malaria. What the fuck, are we in Peru? Do the natives have access to quinine?
Fun Fact: Outside of the subtropical south, southern Illinois has one of the few cypress swamps in the country. Weird, huh?
Anyway, bugs, bugs, everywhere, all looking at you like food or transportation. One bug found a nice place in the middle of DNA's back to rest. Instead of flicking it off DNA's back, or calmly letting DNA know that a bug was on his back, Mr. Kamikaze about popped a blood vessel shouting, "Oh my God, it's on your back!"
DNA asked, "What's on my back?"
Mr. Kamikaze was nearly frozen in place, despite the heat and the sweat dripping from his face. "I don't know," he said, as he stifled the crack of horror in his voice.
"Well, knock it off or something." DNA didn't like having "something" on his back, but knew he needed to stay calm, particularly if the "something" could sting or bite him. Also, the fact that Mr. Kamikaze was nearly doubled over in a spasm of terror, a grown man, reacting like someone just shoved a stick of dynamite up his ass and lit the fuse, was too funny not to try to prolong.
"Are you fucking crazy??!!" Mr. Kamikaze screeched. I'm not gonna touch it!"
"Well," DNA said, with nearly British aplomb, "It's nice to know just what defines our friendship. Bug on your back? Looks like it could sting you? Sorry, fucker, you're on your own."
"Dude," Mr. Kamikaze pleaded for understanding, which he really, really wanted, no, needed, because he was so rattled by this miniature monster digging into my spine that he called DNA 'dude,' "I'm sorry, I just can't. I mean, if you could only look at it---fuck, it's huge!"
"Hey, man, it's okay. Nobody can do more than they can do. It's been nice knowing you. You might want to step back...." and with that, DNA grabbed the seams on the shoulders of his shirt, and gave a quick jerk. The cicada which had landed on his back flopped to the ground, and with its devilish siren, shrieked skyward to join its brothers for their 17-year coming out party.
Now, DNA could say a million times, "You should have seen his face," but, you should have seen his face! We laughed for a long time afterwards, playing through goofier and goofier scenarios in which we each approached that line in the sand. On this side of the line, you do anything for your friend. On that side, you say, "Fuck, I hope he makes it."
Soon after that, DNA had the idea for this song. It just took a little while to get the time to record it.
There's Something On Your Back
Finishing the demo of this song is about the best Christmas present DNA could ask for.
Starting this blog post, DNA is closing down the guestbook. Spammers hit it about 10 to 1 to actual guests. Most of the spam is now porn. DNA, nor his kids, need that up on this site. So, if you want to contact DNA about a blog post, do so through email.
Permanent Historical Record: 12/01/07
Deck The Halls...
...with shitloads of DNA songs, fa la la la la, la la la la. The Akkademiks record is currently going through its final art design, which means in a few days, it will be for sale at all of the expected online retailers. Give the gift of DNA's music this holiday season. Enjoy the FREE download of "All I Want For Christmas Is A Whole Lotta Cash.
All I Want For Christmas Is A Whole Lotta Cash
What is on your Christmas list?
Permanent Historical Record: 12/07/07
Happy Birthday To...Everybody!
In DNA's family, there is no less than 9 people with birthdays within 10 days of Christmas: DNA, his sister, all three of his kids, his mother-in-law, his wife's sister, his wife's step-mother, and a cousin or two.
When DNA was a kid, the parents made sure that birthday and Christmas did not melt together. After all, if a kid was born on February 10th, people don't wait until the 14th to get him a present, and then say it is for both birthday and Valentine's Day, do they?
DNA has tried extra hard to keep the kids' birthdays distinct, even for his twin daughters: two cakes, two sets of candles, two songs, separate presents, the whole deal.
The unintended benefit of the particular date of DNA's birthday is that it always happens during finals week at SIU, and as the years have marched on by, DNA thinks less and less about his actual birthday because of work related issues, unless it is for something special, like this.
DNA always had a ritual on his birthday, to call his Mom and wish her the Happy Birthday. After all, it was her doing, on that day, many years ago, that merited celebrating. DNA felt that a birthday celebration should be about honoring the Mom who brought you in to the world.
It's been a year and a half since DNA's mom died. This is the second year that DNA hasn't made that call to his Mom, and talked to her about her recollection of this day, when she was in the hospital in labor with DNA.
To the lady who gave birth to DNA, to the lady who named DNA's first real band, to the lady who gave DNA the permission to try a life of music, even though it may be hard or fruitless, and didn't think that was a waste, to that lady, Happy Birthday.
Permanent Historical Record: 12/08/07
Selling Well Is Selling Out?
This is a topic that DNA spent some time thinking about a long time ago, about the time Metallica's "Black" album came out. Many die hard Metallica fans said that the band had sold out, that Bob Rock succeeded in making them slick and radio friendly, and the trade off for that was the band's musical integrity.
DNA was not one of those people. DNA always thought that old Metallica's stuff sounded too thin, because the bass was nonexistent. You heard guitars, and the click of the noise gate on the kick drum, and vocals, but not much else. Bob Rock brought something that the band needed: the orchestral pyramid.
What is the orchestral pyramid? It is a simple concept really, that low end concert instruments form the base of a pyramid, and everything else is written to fit on top of them. In this concept, the bass isn't buried, it forms all of the structure on which the rest of a song must stand. The bass instruments generally have to be larger, be of greater number, and possess greater power than the other instruments in order to be appreciated as the foundation of most music.
Bob Rock understood the orchestral pyramid. He gave Metallica the bass foundation it needed. Along the way, if that made Metallica more "listenable" to a wider audience, so be it. That's not selling out, that's selling, period.
If you were to ask almost any musician what his or her goal as a musician is, it would be to get his or her music heard by as many people as possible. If an artist actually does this, though, those fans who initially supported the band through the lean times become resentful, as if they were taken for granted by the band that is no longer exclusively "theirs."
Years ago, DNA was inspired to write the song,
"Selling Well Is Selling Out?"
in which DNA postulates: "Selling well is selling out? Selling well is selling out? Making money doesn't mean Fuck my public! It just means that now you're getting paid for having fun. Isn't that what you wanted, man, when it's all said and done? Fuck Yeah!"
DNA hadn't thought about the topic for some time, until last week, when reading some of the comments to some story on Cracked.com, when a group of commenters used characters from the movie, Anchorman, as avatars, and started responding to people's commentary with lines from the movie.
DNA didn't think much about it, until the vehement replies from other commenters started to roll in. Usually the comments were very sarcastic and biting, like "I sure hope somebody starts quoting Ron Burgundy soon, because that is soooo funny when a person attempts to be cool by quoting lines from Anchorman."
Here is an actual quote from a poster: "Anchorman sucks, Stop quoting it. There I said it. I'd rather read the Bible any day over watching the severe beating that was Anchorman. You fucked up Will Ferrell, you gave the kid posting Anchorman quotes something to live for. He should have killed himself already. Do you not realize what you've done?"
Now, DNA never really gives commenters who post on somewhat amusing websites, or actually, commenters who comment on other people's comments, much credence. But, web commenting in general is an interesting phenomenon. DNA believes it is an actual new form of communication. It's a way to take all of the snide, bitchy, redundant, rude, condescending, hateful, and idiotic ranting that until the advent of the internet, was kept as an interior voice only, and make it externalized. The internet allows commenters to take over threads in personal wars, to engage in dimestore philosophy in which no one can claim authority, because every commenter has the same legitimacy. If you have ever left a web comment, you know what DNA is talking about. You stake your claim, you put your take on it out there, and when someone else comments about how you missed the point, you get righteously indignant because that moron so fucking missed YOUR point, and so on.
This is why forums and comments usually break down into polemic diatribes, name calling, and douchebaggery.
This Anchorman thing made me reassess the whole selling out concept in light of the new communication model. You see, we all have done this, quoting from a movie or a book we like, particularly when it has a shared meaning among a group of friends. Among that intimate group of pals, those comments cement you together. In a public forum, they make you a dick. The commenters complaints about people quoting from Anchorman aren't really about the movie, Anchorman. It has much more to do with the fact that a small group of people, who all use Anchorman avatars, have made the comment sections of articles on Cracked.com their bitch. It is no longer the anonymous way for idiots to converse with geniuses, and sound smarter in the process. It became the Anchorman commenters' private joke. Of course, nobody else in the forum liked it. It goes like this: "I don't get to be in on your joke? Fuck you." Or, probably sometimes: "I didn't think of it first? Fuck you." Or, more to the point of my comparison to selling out: "Anchorman is my thing. I liked Will Ferrell before Talladega Nights. I am a real fan. Fuck you."
The only comments section of a website that DNA read regularly was from the old Pointless Waste Of Time website, which is now the Cracked.com forums. The moderator, David Wong, grasped the value of open forum, highly moderated debate. As soon as the diatribes and personal attacks start, Wong boots the commenter from the thread. This keeps the threads very readable, and represents the opposite communication of what most comment sections or forums actually broker.
Did Will Ferrell sell out? Does Anchorman sell out? Have people commenting on people who use Anchorman avatars sold out? Has DNA sold out? If selling out means reaching a wider audience, then, yes, yes, yes, and never, baby!
By the way, remember to contribute to the "DNA record in every stocking by Christmas" campaign this holiday season.
Permanent Historical Record: 12/11/07
Time For Another Myoo-SICK Revue
It's been a week or two, and it is time again for another DNA Myoo-SICK Revue. Instead of taking potshots at passing supertankers (Tila Tequila and The Hollywood Undead), DNA is going to narrow the focus a little bit, and do a review of some local talent. Carbondale has always been a fertile ground for new music. The Carbondale Nightlife does a great job of highlighting new local talent, and will review records in a more holistic way than does DNA. The whole idea is that whether you like the music or not, these guys are out there making it, and deserve respect.
What approach should be taken? Surely, the reviewer shouldn't talk down to his subject, or treat the local guys as lame just because they are local. DNA got that attitude a lot when he was in bands years ago. Some band from Austin could suck balls, but, man, they were from Austin, and we can see you local fuckers anytime...Also, if you talk about a band like they are meaningful, it might be because they are good, and it might be that others will think of local bands with a more global perspective. Also, a lot of reviewers try not to compare a band to another band in a review, because it is a stereotypical short cut, and also because reviewers tend to see those kinds of reviews as juvenile, and not representative of the band or a good way to showcase their own literary and musical knowledge. DNA says FUCK that. Sometimes, saying a band sounds like so and so works.
Innovation occurs in the cul-de-sacs, in the backwaters, in the places that are relatively untouched by the constant push of the raging rivers. In these incestuous little pools, single voices can shape or change the bigger picture. Unfortunately, but inevitably, as bands become more regional, and less local, their ability to affect that pool is necessarily diminished. Once a band gets to a certain level, they no longer swim in those tepid waters. Presented here, now, is a band firmly sitting in the silt-y mud of a forgotten bank of the Big Muddy River outside of Carbondale, and we in Carbondale are all the better for it. The Dammit Boys.
Many of the band's compositions show the strong influence of surf, rockabilly, and the kind of white trash rock that would make the guys in Monster Magnet proud. The Dammit boys would probably be blessed as the appropriate music for the sacrament during a sermon by the Reverend Horton Heat. What DNA thinks most people miss is that there is something else thrown in there, some European gypsy-king vagabond element that transcends the typical genres like garage, or punk, in which the Dammit Boys get dumped. Not that they musically resemble Camper Van Beethoven, but like Camper in spirit, they capture the feeling of old world mystery in a very hard to define way. The cut "Toluene" is a fine example of this fusion. The Bustos blood, originating from the Castille area in Northern Spain, must be running heavily in the veins of lead singer and guitarist, Mortimer Bustos.
Some people in music scenes are larger than life. Mortimer is one of those guys. He has a voice that is reminiscent of Tom Waits, but Mort is not trying to emulate Waits at all. He uses his voice the way true vocalists use their voices: with the understanding that the voice is an instrument with a range that all other musical instruments only pay homage to. Although DNA first met Mort as a bass player, DNA has seen Mort play guitar, on which he shines. If frozen dog shit in a coffee can was an instrument, Mort could pick that up and play the dog shit out of it, literally and figuratively.
Mort is pretty fucking cool. Judge for yourself
(pic of mort). But, he isn't alone. Dave Marquis, the bassist for the Dammit Boys, is quiet, reserved, disarmingly quick of wit, and kick ass on the bass. Not kick butt, not, could punch you in the face if you weren't expecting it, not open hand slap your chest until your tits turn red, but KICK ASS. Overly flashy? No. Unassumingly adding the brass knuckles to the fist of the Dammit Boys? Hell, yes.DNA doesn't mean to slight Dave Raymond or Time Beaty, the other guitarist and drummer, respectively, of the Dammit Boys by not heaping up their praises. Although DNA has known those guys for some time, he never had the pleasure to get to know them better than as a gawking spectator to their fucking onstage awesomeness.
If it sounds like DNA is a little biased towards the Dammit Boys, maybe cuz he knows them, or something, then you would be wrong. There are lots of bands that DNA likes a lot. Bands like DEVO. Now, the Dammit Boys are not like DEVO. See how this proves DNA is not biased?
Actually, DNA did some objective, experimentation with the music of the Dammit Boys in an attempt to limit the influence of DNA's own history with these guys. DNA played 20 songs at random from his iPod. Then he listened to the Dammit Boys. Then DNA asked himself: Whose voice sounded cooler? What song rocked more? When you hear "Sky Hammer," you can imagine the sweat dripping off of Mort's face as greasy bodies are swaying in the 70's euphoria that leaks from that song like smoke from a raunchy old bong. Seriously, DNA put the iPod on shuffle and started to compare bands. Now, by chance, the iPod cued up the song "Rock Your Ass" by the Supersuckers first, which was a shitty place to be if you were the Dammit Boys! Nobody rocks out with their cocks out the way the Supersuckers do. That was a tough draw for the Dammit Boys right out of the gate. But, OK Go? Dammit boys smoked 'em. Wolfmother? Made 'em wanna run home to momma. Coldplay? Didn't wanna play anymore. In short, the Dammit Boys' records are worth buying. So. You. Go buy them.
From the opening line of "The Mind Snare," you too, feel like you "could walk right through this wall." The song evokes the heady feeling you might have had the first time you listened to the Doors if you were 19 in 1969---and weren't in Vietnam. On their myspace page, the band writes that this song is an example of some of the new stuff they are working on. Their new compositions reflect their continuing growth as musicians, technically and intuitively.
As usual, DNA did some internet searching, and found these interesting tidbits: Unlike the two huge myspace sensations DNA has reviewed previously, in the first three hits on Google, DNA found a review of the band, y'know, like you would expect, if the band were actually a working band. This was the first good sign. Next, reading some of the reviewers unsolicited responses to a show was also positive, such as, "if Mort and I were in prison together I'd definitely want to be his bitch."
Pros: A unique vibe that isn't exactly any of the categories in which it is placed.
Cons: Those turned off by garage rock or surf or rockabilly might give them a pass, which is their loss.
Pros: When you listen to them, you are probably drunk, or getting there.
Cons: You can't capture the contradictory minor key depression that weeps through Mort's guitar playing in the midst of power punk energy very well on a CD.
Pros: The name, evoking the aggravation of an older Dad, yelling at those no good kids getting into who knows what behind the woodshed�
Check out the Dammit Boys the next time you are in Carbondale. You won�t be disappointed.
Permanent Historical Record: 12/17/07
For Everything, A Season....
For DNA, the Christmas season is a special time of year. In December, it's his birthday (well, the current tool of the DNA Vibrator's birthday, but you get DNA's drift), all of DNA's kids are born in December (that sounds like a lot---it's only three, but by Chinese standards, makes DNA a rutting pig), several relatives' birthdays, yadda, yadda, yadda.
It is a time of creative birth, as well. Musically, DNA's first new project in years, "The Shape Of Things To Have Come And Gone," was unofficially done last December (final mix done in January, sent to distribution in February, became the new national anthem of Douchebagistan in March), and his latest two projects, The Akkademiks' first record, "The Akkademiks....ROCK!" and the newly mixed old recordings of the Nightsoil Coolies, entitled "Libertini," were finished this month. The very second DNA record, from 112 years ago, "Unnatural Selection," was done one December, too. The Coolies' first and second studio releases, "Demockery" and "Idiodyssey," respectively, were completed in December, and Monster Truck's second studio recording, "Untitled Demo" was completed over the twang of Sagittarius' arrows. Some of CRANK's soundcore demo was completed in December, as was the rough mix of the CD "Garlic" as well. Though not all are included here, DNA counts about 15 recordings he has finished in December.
It is a good bet that next week, DNA is gonna write some music. DNA has about 15 turds ready to polish, the first one already sitting, brown and smelly, on the front page of this website.
Maybe this is a special time in DNA's life cycle, in which the stars align, his body's rhythm's are in sync with his universal energies, his....
Nah, fuck that. This just happens to be Christmas break. When DNA was a student, this was the only time he could go to the studio. Now that he works like a bitch for the man, this is the only time the burgeois whip is off his back long enough to remember what it was like to dream.
For everything, a season. What's that? Sounds like the man getting his whip back out. Aw, fuck.
Be sure to check the music download page over the next few days. All of the album "Libertini" and its artwork will be available for free for download.
Merry Christmas! Special prize to anyone who can decipher the intent of the new Coolies' record's title. It, of course, follows a general pattern of previous Coolies' records' titles.
Permanent Historical Record: 12/27/07
My Girl Is The Awesome-est.......
Want Proof? During this nice holiday break, knowing that the kids are hellions, knowing that we kept Spazz jr. off his meds, knowing that the day would likely be a 12 hour shouting match, she let me saunter off to Carbondale for the day to work on a song.
You just don't get chicks like that in your life very often. DNA is glad he married this one before she knew his horrible secret, and that she is honorable enough to keep her marriage vow even after she learned the truth.
Okay, DNA has no horrible secrets. He's just a likable loser. Okay, okay. Just a loser.
You can go back to front page to check out the new demo, or you wait a moment, read the story behind the song, and then click the link that follows. The song is called "There's Something On Your Back." It was inspired by the true story of Mr. Kamikaze's irrational fear of bugs. One day, last summer, as Mr. Kamikaze and his family were visiting DNA's humble household, we were out late. We packed up the families and went to the drive-in. When we got home, Mr. Kamikaze and DNA were outside DNA's front door. As often happens in buggy southern Illinois, lots of flying bugs were attracted to the porch light.
This happens everywhere, right? Sure, but southern Illinois is special. It has bugs like a malaria laden swamp, bugs that use the Everglades as their training ground in the winter for what they plan on doing in southern Illinois over the summer. In fact, southern Illinois has bugs like a malaria laden swamp because it is one of the few places in America where there are malaria laden swamps. Yes, malaria. It's like when you cross interstate 64, you drop back in time a hundred years, and drop a couple of dozen IQ points while you're at it. Malaria. What the fuck, are we in Peru? Do the natives have access to quinine?
Fun Fact: Outside of the subtropical south, southern Illinois has one of the few cypress swamps in the country. Weird, huh?
Anyway, bugs, bugs, everywhere, all looking at you like food or transportation. One bug found a nice place in the middle of DNA's back to rest. Instead of flicking it off DNA's back, or calmly letting DNA know that a bug was on his back, Mr. Kamikaze about popped a blood vessel shouting, "Oh my God, it's on your back!"
DNA asked, "What's on my back?"
Mr. Kamikaze was nearly frozen in place, despite the heat and the sweat dripping from his face. "I don't know," he said, as he stifled the crack of horror in his voice.
"Well, knock it off or something." DNA didn't like having "something" on his back, but knew he needed to stay calm, particularly if the "something" could sting or bite him. Also, the fact that Mr. Kamikaze was nearly doubled over in a spasm of terror, a grown man, reacting like someone just shoved a stick of dynamite up his ass and lit the fuse, was too funny not to try to prolong.
"Are you fucking crazy??!!" Mr. Kamikaze screeched. I'm not gonna touch it!"
"Well," DNA said, with nearly British aplomb, "It's nice to know just what defines our friendship. Bug on your back? Looks like it could sting you? Sorry, fucker, you're on your own."
"Dude," Mr. Kamikaze pleaded for understanding, which he really, really wanted, no, needed, because he was so rattled by this miniature monster digging into my spine that he called DNA 'dude,' "I'm sorry, I just can't. I mean, if you could only look at it---fuck, it's huge!"
"Hey, man, it's okay. Nobody can do more than they can do. It's been nice knowing you. You might want to step back...." and with that, DNA grabbed the seams on the shoulders of his shirt, and gave a quick jerk. The cicada which had landed on his back flopped to the ground, and with its devilish siren, shrieked skyward to join its brothers for their 17-year coming out party.
Now, DNA could say a million times, "You should have seen his face," but, you should have seen his face! We laughed for a long time afterwards, playing through goofier and goofier scenarios in which we each approached that line in the sand. On this side of the line, you do anything for your friend. On that side, you say, "Fuck, I hope he makes it."
Soon after that, DNA had the idea for this song. It just took a little while to get the time to record it.
There's Something On Your Back
Finishing the demo of this song is about the best Christmas present DNA could ask for.
Starting this blog post, DNA is closing down the guestbook. Spammers hit it about 10 to 1 to actual guests. Most of the spam is now porn. DNA, nor his kids, need that up on this site. So, if you want to contact DNA about a blog post, do so through email.
November, 2007
By the end of November, DNA will have put out three records this year. Add your own interpretation to that fact.
Permanent Historical Record: 11/01/07
Sick...
It never fails that at about this time, DNA gets sick. There are two articles DNA has written, but it will wait until DNA feels better to post.
Permanent Historical Record: 11/02/07
Everyones' A Critic...
MyuSICK REVUE
This is a feature that DNA has wanted to do for some time. Hopefully, he will make this a regular feature. After having established in this blog that logically, no music sucks, only the listener's ability to appreciate it does, he was swamped with literally hundreds of humble submissions from readers which really did suck. Hack songs, hack lyrics, terrible production, rehashed themes, blatantly ripped off melodies, you name it, DNA heard it. So, DNA might have to reconsider the concept that no music sucks. Many examples of DNA's own songs are not very likable, so DNA understands that some songs might take a lot of bourbon or weed to appreciate.
However, even music that sucks must have some redeeming value, right? Right? Well, DNA will be the judge. DNA will try to select a wide variety of music, popular, obscure, current, past, famous and not, and try to provide a critical analysis. DNA will try to be fair, to understand why something he thinks is terrible might be liked by somebody. AND, if DNA disses a band you like, then DNA will print your critical rebuttal if it is any good.
DNA expects that most of what he reviews will be easy to skewer, some of it will need to be skewered and hasn�t been, and every once in awhile, he will find some stuff that has been skewered that needs to be admired, and even more rarely, will find something really good that has been missed.
Myspace seemed like a good place to start searching for artists who fit the above criteria. DNA went to Myspace, and went to the Top Artists tab. The top of the top unsigned artists today (11/2/07) was one Tila Tequila.
"Tila Nguyen was 1 year old when she moved to the U.S. from Singapore, but she's Vietnamese by heritage and blond by choice. As for what she does for a living, there isn't really a word for it yet. Nguyen, who goes by Tila Tequila professionally, is some combination of rapper, singer, model, blogger and actress. But what she mostly is is the queen of the massive social-networking website MySpace..." - Time Magazine
Okay, get that? TIME MAGAZINE???? Sorry. Instead of giving you a couple of quotes encapsulating the psychology of why anyone expresses any kind of interest in Tila, DNA will direct you to this well-written article in the New York times.
Seriously, take a moment to read it. It says everything DNA could about what motivates us as a culture. But, DNA isn�t here to critique Tila as a human being, or a myspace phenomena, or MTV sl---uh, star, but as a musician. DNA looked for a long time for anyone actually reviewing her music.
Out of 819,000 hits for "Tila Tequila Review," DNA found only three actual reviews of songs by Tila Tequila. Some might argue that this alone is overwhelming evidence that, like so many have written, she is less artist than entrepreneur, which is the word they use for "whore" in the nice blogs. In the not so nice blogs, they use "whore" for "whore."
Here is a sample of her writing on the song, "Stripper Friends:"
"All my stripper friends, all my ex-boyfriends, we all want the same thing, we all want the same thing.
Bodies in the bar, reaching for the stars, we all want the same thing, we all want the same thing."
Good writers write what they know. DNA is not surprised that Tila knows lots about strippers and has lots of ex-boyfriends. But is this enough meat to feed a song? Is the rhyme between the words "friends" and "friends" too forced? Or the one between "bar"and "stars" so complex as to undermine the depth of the subject? This review is already too heavy, cuz DNA senses some IRON-y. Oh, and the pronoun "we" isn't correct as she uses it. Not to be a little grammar bitch, but it should be "they." C'mon, it's a fucking pronoun. This alone should tell you the level at which she writes.
We are led through a litany of simple rhymes, a simple theme, and a droning refrain, in the mode of any number of pouty-mouthed (and also potty-mouthed) so-called bombshells. Why do our current pop singers sing like they just had dicks in their mouths? Oh. That must be the answer.
After Donna Summers'hit "Love To Love You Baby" stunned people with its steaming sensuality, any number of 'pop' artists have attempted to breathe, moan, and groan their lyrics in an attempt to make their rather pedantic and forced music to sound raw and sensual like that. That was distilled into a very sick vintage in Britney Spears, and has been guzzled by a whole generation of singers who think that "sexual" and "sensual" are the same thing. This whole affectation of over pronounced consonants, as if the singer's tongue is too thick for her mouth (which is exactly the effect they are going for, so sad little boys can think about that girl's tongue, maybe with a stud in it, and what she would do with that), and over-exaggerated hyperbole must stop.
Since she tells us that "we all want the same thing," and the rhetorical device tells us that Tila is the "everywoman" who can tell us what that is, DNA has to ask, "Why the fuck wait until 3 minutes and 9 seconds into the song before you let us know what that is? Generally, holding a bit of information like that to create artificial interest or tension, or to inflate the importance of the concept is an example of weak writing." DNA guesses that Tila is guilty as charged. Here is the wisdom she imparts at nearly the end of the song:
"We all wanna live we all wanna learn how to love without getttin burned We want to be loved, are we good enough? Yeah, yeah."
No, no, we are not good enough. Not yet.
So, she doesn't distinguish herself as a singer, or as a songwriter. The production values aren't bad, certainly passable, but are nothing that can't be done by somebody with a computer in his basement. The beats, the arrangements, the musical talent which is required to write the music itself is fairly small. Does she distinguish herself in any other way? Well, she poses in some of the same ways as porn star Asia Carrera, and Asia actually has some pretty impressive skills, so DNA guesses that counts for something. Look at them side by side.
Asia Carrera...............................
Tila Tequila...............................
Put them together and you get Tia Carrere!
She certainly has marketed herself into a position of fame, has a TV show, has millions of myspace friends, and has a single that DNA's son has heard on the radio. Tila Tequila is no different than any number of the relatively talentless, relatively nice to look at women who are made into 'stars,' with the exception that she actually made herself without the help of Warner Brothers or Disney, which is saying something. DNA thinks it is saying that the bar, officially dropped by reality TV and OJ, has reached a new lower equilibrium. This should not surprise us. As long as good singers, and good musicians are still able to be heard and seen, why do any of us care if Tila can titillate the lowest common denominator? She ain't no Aretha Franklin, hell, she ain't even a Mariah Carey, okay, fuck it, she ain't even at the level of Fergie or the Pussycat Dolls. Still, when your retarded half-sister sings in front of the family at the reunion, shouldn't everybody there clap, and is it wrong that some of the family really thinks she is good?
PROS: She kind of looks like a bobble head of herself, already. Marketing genius if she gives out bobble-heads at her concerts.
CONS: Her writing is simple, her sense of melody basic, her concepts fairly low-brow ("I don't wanna fuck your man" comes to mind), her delivery uninspired, and her affectation of the 'sex-kitten' does not come off as sensual, but as soft-core porn, which considering DNA's comparison of Tila to Asia Carrera, should show you how bad someone trying to be 'hard-core' sexual looks when they don't have the courage of their convictions, and just wants to appear 'hard-core.' Asia Carrera, DNA respects. Tila Tequila, not so much.
PROS: Tila proves that the democratizing power of the internet works.
CONS: God help us all from the river of shit her wave of success has unleashed. Prepare to be underwhelmed.
DNA debated a long time about even reviewing her music, because DNA is only adding to the number of hits that her name gets every day. This is like an endorsement, no matter what her music is like. But DNA really couldn't find any good reviews of her music, so this was justification enough. Just because it is shitty doesn't mean it gets a pass. In this respect, Tila is experiencing a case of the emperor's new clothes. Once public affection has died, once her looks fade, and nobody cares about the trailer park parade she is currently leading, then people might look back and say, "No, I don't see it. I don't know what I liked about her," and she might say, "Wow, I really didn't have very much talent." DNA doesn't want to throw stones, really. DNA doesn't have a lot of talent, either. DNA makes no claims other than it is what it is. A last word: Who has millions of fans but does not have a record deal? Tila.
Permanent Historical Record: 11/07/07
Plagiarism...And Other Crimes
For those of you who do not share an affinity with Carbondale, IL, or SIU, you might want to tune this blog post out. Unless, of course, you enjoy erudite exposition and thought-provoking analysis on exciting topics like intellectual property rights. Hello? Hello? Anybody there? For those of you still reading, SIU's President, Glenn Poshard, is in some hot water, for plagiarizing a few times in his doctoral dissertation. Some are calling for his head, some are backing him all the way, and for lots of reasons, the issue doesn't look like it is going away. So, DNA decided to weigh in on the subject, mainly because most of the crap that has been written about the topic has been, well, CRAP. So, printed in its entirety, with some small edits (like putting 'DNA' instead of ***** in the places DNA refers to itself), here is our first installment of
Self-serving, Self-aggrandizing, Academic Snobfoppery Theater
Tonight's episode: Plagiarism And Other Capital Crimes
Most of you out there don't care about the happenings at a small Midwestern university, unless that phrase was preceded by the words, "Dear Penthouse: I never thought this would happen to me. I attend a small Midwestern university...." But within the university community, these happenings whirl frenetically like a tornado fed by the spinning of its own tail/tale (take your pick).
DNA has been thinking about the issue of plagiarism in the hopes that DNA could distill this slurry he has been reading in the papers and on the internet into a shot of something with a little more, well, character. Kind of like the difference between drinking a slug of white lightning, compared to a nice draw of aged Kentucky bourbon. One will burn your nose hairs and cause you to see funny. The other uses your whole circulatory system as a filter for smoky sophistication. The problem is, DNA doesn't think the current row about plagiarism is really about plagiarism.
Let's assume, for a moment, that this debate is actually about plagiarism. DNA is purposely not going to define the term here. There are more definitions of plagiarism than there are instances of plagiarism in SIU system president Glenn Poshard's dissertation. Rather, DNA wants to talk about what it is. From a student's standpoint, it is the caged beast used by teachers, administrators, and institutions to inspire fear--- whoops, DNA means, to instill the highest standards of integrity for the intellectual process in their students. From a teacher's standpoint, it is a crime, the prosecution of which protects a teacher's value on the open market--- whoops, DNA means, protects their intellectual property. How plagiarism is defined is not so clear. Whether different activities constitute plagiarism, and whether the same penalties should be imposed for an act of plagiarism depending on your professional level (or lack of it) should be up for debate.
Students need and benefit from direct statements about plagiarism so that they understand clearly what is considered cheating and what is not. Students might plagiarize because they know less of what is common knowledge in a particular field; students might plagiarize because they are less familiar with the rules regarding the fair use of others' works; students might plagiarize because a sufficient "weeding out" process is still occurring during the undergraduate years, and many students who actively cheat are only then getting caught in serious enough infractions; students might plagiarize because many of them aren't particularly interested, invested, or driven to create their own work, or to do the research that allows them to find their own voices, et cetera. (DNA views this primarily as a failure of teachers to find the methods to inspire their students.) There are many reasons students might plagiarize, almost all of which, with the exception of unrepentant, continued, blatant cheating, should be accepted by teachers the way a parent accepts reasons for bad behavior from a child who is still learning how to do things: Negatively reinforce to extinguish a behavior, and positively reinforce to change the behavior. When this is done correctly, the negative reinforcement should not overshadow the positive reinforcement. Then, Professor Skinner rings a bell, and all the kids look out the window due to his semester's long operant conditioning. DNA is not a behaviorist, but certainly, there are times when the model works.
If schools want to teach kids that plagiarism is bad, then instructors shouldn't level the worst punishment (failing a class, being suspended or expelled) at students for the first, or second (or, gasp, maybe even the third) infraction of the rules or for an inadvertent infraction. Wouldn't it be a more effective lesson about the value of intellectual and academic honesty to require a student who plagiarized to write a paper about a topic of their choosing, in which he had to present several drafts, submitted sequentially, all verified by the instructor, starting with a simple outline, which creates a clear and obvious trail of the student's own intellectual work? Wouldn't that be much more effective in producing a future scholar who appreciated the value of his own work instead of scaring the hell out of a kid who makes a mistake, or, God forbid, maybe several? But that approach involves actual hard work on the part of the instructor, and assumes an element of really caring about an individual student�s intellectual potential and growth. What was DNA thinking?
It is one thing to talk about plagiarism among students. What about plagiarism among professionals? Now we are getting into the meat and potatoes of this current, for lack of a better term, argument. Actually, there is a better term, it's just longer: "Two sides shrieking back and forth, tossing polemic, pedantic barbs aimed at inciting anger, including few if any facts, all out of context, each claiming that the other side is ruining reputations of institutions or people, and that is why SIU now sucks," or something to that effect. Before we dig into the professional plagiarism main course, let's scarf down the appetizer, which in effect has spoiled our palate for public debate. The appetizer is composed of two ingredients: First take a large helping of "Don't throw stones if you live in glass houses," and vigorously combine with two scoops of "If you're rich, powerful, or connected, I guess the rules don't apply to you," and stand back. The mixture rises on its own, puffs itself full of hot air, and will cause [ad] nauseam if tasted even once. Interestingly, both points of view spring from the same insecure, squirrelly bakery in our psyches: a fear of not being in control of our lives. One point of view basically asks, "Who are you to judge?" while the other asks, "Who are you to be above judgment?" Both rise from insular thinking and an external locus of control.
Plagiarism takes on a whole new meaning and importance when it is applied to the professional world. Then, as a concept, it is related directly to intellectual property and the value, the actual dollars-and-sense value that the property has. Plagiarism is theft, and as such, the process to penalize someone for plagiarism follows the same basic rules that govern the adjudication of any theft of property: The worse the violation, the worse the penalty. If the theft is bad enough, as a professional, you lose money, prestige, reputation, opportunities, your job, and maybe even your freedom. Wouldn't it be stupid to exact the same toll for different levels and kinds of infractions? It's the kind of intractable, inflexible thinking that you would least expect from faculty and administration at a university, but is exactly the kind of thinking we seem to be faced with at every turn. Perhaps those intractable thinkers should remember this aphorism: To err is human; to forgive, divine. (Or maybe that's 'strychnine.')
Somebody said that before, DNA thinks. Oh yeah, it was Alexander Pope. Which brings DNA to its next point: How many times do you have to hear or see something before you no longer feel bad for ripping off Alexander Pope? What falls into the bounds of common knowledge? There is certainly something rotten in Denmark. Et tu, Brute? I'd rather serve in Denny's than manage in McDonald's. You see where DNA is going with this, DNA hopes? When does DNA get to say "continental drift" without saying, "as originally described by Alfred Wegner?" The rules are not very clear. Common knowledge pretty much means, "If you already knew it, then you're okay, but if you had to get your information from somewhere else, then it was not common knowledge to you, so you better cite it, or else." That definition, in one form or another, can be found all over the place. DNA guesses that makes it common knowledge.
Unfortunately, the definition is so relative to an individual's experience as to nearly be worthless. Language itself, being self-reflexive, tends to blur authorship/ownership over time. "But surely, there must be a definable point at which something can't be considered 'common' anymore," you say. Yes, it makes sense that that point exists. And stop calling me Shirley. Now, does DNA have to attribute that joke to the writers of the movie, Airplane!? DNA hopes we're not there as a society. As soon as free expression is curtailed out of fear of penalty or reprisal because you did not attribute everything correctly, then the argument against plagiarism has officially stepped off the deep end. Right now, at SIU, we seem dangerously close to testing those waters.
Do we want a teacher who uses somebody else's teaching statement? Do we want a chancellor who copies large chunks of a previously developed plan and inserts them into his new work here? Do we want a president who committed plagiarism in his thesis and dissertation? Do we want to start looking at everybody's published theses and dissertations and comb through them for signs of plagiarism? No, of course not. In a perfect world, every teacher's teaching statements would be unique or attributed carefully, every chancellor would cite their old plans or create new plans when envisioning a specific university's future, and every president would produce a thesis and dissertation which become the standards for scholarly excellence, and nobody would ever commit an act of plagiarism, intentional or otherwise, in their student or professional works.
Or, we could accept a more modest proposal. Should DNA attribute that? It will, to Jonathan Swift, who suggested, in 1729, that the Irish in Ireland could solve their social problems if they only ate their own children, particularly the poor ones. (They are very tasty, he reports.) Here's DNA's modest, slightly less biting, proposal: Teach students, through a process of experience, why they should not plagiarize. Teachers should show them examples and should be examples of proper behavior, instead of making examples of students when they foul up. Students who foul up include graduate students, too. Even though doctoral grads should have learned their lessons already, some will still make dumb mistakes. Which brings DNA to an important side note: Did you know that school is the place at which you get to make dumb mistakes, and not have it cost you your career? We learn by making mistakes. Why do you think so many people teach at universities? The amateurs (students) should get treated with kid gloves until they turn pro (graduate). Professionals (professors, administrators, et cetera), however, should bear the full responsibility of their actions. That's why they are paid the big bucks.
It would be nice if the world followed the diet suggested by DNA's modest proposal, but it doesn't. Instead, we're filled up by the side dishes. It's hard to say how that happened, but perhaps some of the ill-advised statements weeks before a decision about Poshard's plagiarism by board members, which certainly sounded like a rubber stamp of approval for President Poshard, didn't help, nor did the many statements by folks who had axes to grind against SIU. Nor did those who extolled Poshard's character and trivialized any potential wrongdoing, or those who faulted the process or the findings of a committee for lacking integrity, et cetera., et cetera.
Unfortunately, the issue of plagiarism seems to be the McGuffin of this Hitchcockian drama. Really, does this 'scandal' affect the quality of DNA's degrees? No. DNA still learned what he learned while he was here as a student. DNA takes that with him wherever he goes. Will it affect whether or not an SIU grad is hired somewhere? No company or institution or human-resources manager would be stupid enough to assume that somehow this issue devalued any individual's education. Scandals like this have come and gone at universities a lot more prestigious than SIU. Guess what? They are still more prestigious. The elephant in the living room is this: There wouldn't be a private group of 'concerned' citizens investigating certain targets if there hadn't existed a longstanding culture of SIU administrators treating teachers poorly. It's a fact that we have a larger, well-paid administration at SIU, and a smaller, less well-paid faculty compared to other similar institutions around the country. It's hard to reconcile institutional inequalities like that without sacrificing some rams along with some sheep. Poshard is enough of a politician to keep from getting his throat cut, but can he lead us out of this valley, or will we go straight over a cliff? DNA actually thinks his detractors are afraid he might succeed, not fail, because their axes would be blunted if things started to get better with Glenn at the helm. DNA doesn't believe those concerned citizens actually care about plagiarism as much as they care about plagiarism being a means to an end.
Please, President Poshard, Chancellor Fernando Trevino, if you or your staff happen to read this, DNA ain't the Lorax, but he do speak for some of the trees around here: Take this opportunity to lead. Change the culture, change the perception that our administration is bloated and our teachers are undervalued. You can do this. Some folks have faith---not blind faith, but faith nonetheless--- that you are the right people for the job. This plagiarism issue is likely the first and last test you will be allowed to fail. Yes, fail. You certainly did not win over hearts and minds here with your words and actions. You survived, which is important in the long run, but that is not compelling evidence you are fit to take on this challenge. DNA hopes, for students, faculty, the institution, and the region, that you are. If you are not, leave now. Too many people depend on your success.
Okay, that was the "real" writing that DNA does from time to time. Didn't mean to have it intrude in his internetlife. Can't help it if the dick jokes or memories of the music biz are not bubbling to the surface right now.
What have you plagiarized lately?
Permanent Historical Record: 11/11/07
Where Can You Find A Good Movie?
Certainly not at the video store. DNA and his wife were having this conversation just yesterday and then, last night, DNA's guestbook was hit with spam, asking, "Where can I find good movies? Can you help me?" DNA took that as a sign. Yes, spammer, you trolling dirtbag, and yes, visitor to this site, you wonderful, entertainment-starved spirit, DNA can help you.
Besides the conversation and the spam, DNA has noticed what we all have noticed: Video stores do not carry good selections of catalog titles. Years ago, DNA used to run a video store, and worked for a large retailer that owned a chain of video stores. The model worked as follows: Stock the hell out of new releases, stock the hell out of a few popular catalog titles (anybody remember "Porky's"---God, DNA hopes not), carry a few special interest titles, keep a top row open for "Playboy"and related softcore nudity documentaries (that's what DNA always called them---in fact, after hours, if everyone was cool with it, every once in a while we would put one on, and do like a "Wild Kingdom" voice over narration: "Here you see the beach bunny in its natural habitat. Notice how, once on the beach, the dominant female bends and protrudes her hind quarters, to set the boundary of her territory and signal the waiting males that she is in heat."
When you are in your 20's, and intellectually anesthetized by the repetitive nature of your job, then even ignorant shit like that becomes enjoyable.
Regardless, after that, the chain stores owners left managers with some choice, about 10% or so of the ordering budget, as discretionary, so that we could buy movies to stock that we thought were cool. Also, although we received signage (that's the official word for all the signs and graphics on signs, hanging from ceilings and in windows, etc., that you receive from the home office, that you have to put up in the store a certain way as per your company's marketing department's requirements) we also had freedom to make our own, as long as it wasn't crude or vulgar, and looked professional.
So, it could have been worse. At least the company DNA worked for allowed for a little creativity (not a lot----DNA will tell another story about how he pitched the idea of having song kiosks at which users could download and print up their own CD's about 5 years before it was being done, and the company president said that he didn't think the market was heading that direction, and thanked me for my input---uh, DNA guesses he doesn't have to wait to tell the story---he just did).
The coolest part about the old video store DNA ran was that DNA would create interesting categories, useful categories, for people to find movies. Categories like "Featured Directors" or "Featured Actors;" categories like "Bad Matthew Broderick Movies" and "Who Teaches Bad Guys Martial Arts?" That store experience from years ago has kept DNA aware of the pressures on current video stores to maximize dollars per square foot, but to also stock titles which will sell, and to position titles in ways and places which excite a person's imagination. Why would anyone advertise bad Matthew Broderick movies? Because it invites conversation, it invites a call to judgment, and movies sold off of that endcap in the store because of it. However, you can't have an endcap like that in your store if you don't know enough about your inventory to talk about it. You have to be able to talk about War Games and Biloxi Blues, movies which did not appear on the endcap, as well as Mars Attacks! which did (or if DNA were still running the store, The Producers would have to be added to the display, because it SUCKED as a movie).
You can't find good movies in video stores anymore because the imagination has left the business. As a model, the business is dying. DNA went into the local video store last week, looking for some specific movies. The store is part of a relatively new chain. It is clean and well organized. New releases line the exterior walls of the store. One quarter of the interior store space is dedicated to tanning, one quarter is dedicated to sale and rental of video games, one quarter is dedicated to the sale of recent new releases, and 7/32 is dedicated to the front register and candy sales. 1/32 of the store is set aside for catalog rentals and sales. That was it.
The catalog selection leaned heavily towards children's fare. When DNA asked if they could special order a catalog title, a popular title, the store manager said that they were not allowed to anymore. When a store can't supply a basic demand of a customer, one that you would expect to be able to be met, then that should be a sign that the business is in decline.
Movies on demand, Netflix, these services are changing the model. If you run or own a video store, DNA has a simple plan to save your business.
1. Make your store unique. There are 10,000 Blockbusters. Make your store a different destination.
2. Know your product. Watch lots of movies. Read about movies. Be excited about the art form. Be able to answer your customer's questions. Hire people that share your passion. Don't just run the store.
3. Don't combine your store with another. Movies and tanning do not fucking go together. EVER. Yet, you see this combination all the time. You know what goes together? Movies and pizza. That would work. But even then, why deal with the hassle of two different business models under one roof? Save your floorspace for movies.
4. Most catalog DVD's cost wholesale about $5. That means, you can make money on them after five one-dollar rentals. Or you can sell them for $6.99 and make approximately a 30% profit. What this tells DNA is that there is a lot of margin left in the business. If you could incorporate download on demand in your store, then you put the cost for production directly on the consumer, and wa-laa, you open up the doors to have tons more catalog titles available at little additional cost to you. How hard would it have been, for example, for the chain store DNA went into to enter a partnership with an online movie company like Netflix and be able to deliver a catalog of 100,000 titles to any person who enters the store? Not hard, it just requires imagination.
5. Don't put shit down so low on a shelf that people can't see it, and don't load your shelves with too many titles on their spines and don't buy gimmicky shit like movie tie-in toys to increase your profit margin. Those are all signs that you are abandoning your store's core mission.
That's it. Now, good luck trying to find a movie store which does that. Your best shot is to go online, which is the direction all media is going anyway.
Permanent Historical Record: 11/17/07
The Akkademiks...ROCK!
For those of you who don't know, the only reason the DNA Vibrator got back on this carousel called alt rock was because he started an educational musical project approximately 5 years ago. It started small, but the idea never went away. It was first developed in a business plan competition. The business was called "Music Notes," and the concept was to apply the model of "Schoolhouse Rock" to college subjects. After a frenetic period of writing, which netted 10 songs for the educational project, and about 30 for DNA's own personal projects, the circle is nearly complete. Number 11 has been sitting in DNA's head for some time. Finally, DNA has knocked out the last song for the educational album: Climate Change.
Yeah, it's a song about climate change, as you might have guessed from the title. Remember, this little project is educational, and the first album focuses on Geology.
DNa had been trying to squeeze a couple of hours in to knock out a rough demo, and was exicted that this afternoon, it happened. Which means, that if H.O.G. can get roped, tied and dragged back into the studio, this song will be done pretty shortly. Also, the canned drums have to be re-done, but that part is easy---tedious to get right, but easy to do.
Hope you have yerself some lernin' this Thanksgiving.
DNA forgot the cranberries!
Permanent Historical Record: 11/21/07
Time For Another Myoo-sick Review...
Remember the guiding principle for this recurring feature: After having established in this blog that logically, no music sucks, only the listener's ability to appreciate it does, he was swamped with literally hundreds of humble submissions from readers which really did suck. Hack songs, hack lyrics, terrible production, rehashed themes, blatantly ripped off melodies, you name it, DNA heard it. So, DNA might have to reconsider the concept that no music sucks. Many examples of DNA's own songs are not very likable, so DNA understands that some songs might take a lot of bourbon or weed to appreciate.
However, even music that sucks must have some redeeming value, right? Right? Well, DNA will be the judge. DNA will try to select a wide variety of music, popular, obscure, current, past, famous and not, and try to provide a critical analysis. DNA will try to be fair, to understand why something he thinks is terrible might be liked by somebody. AND, if DNA disses a band you like, then DNA will print your critical rebuttal if it is any good.
DNA expects that most of what he reviews will be easy to skewer, some of it will need to be skewered and hasn't been, and every once in awhile, he will find some stuff that has been skewered that needs to be admired, and even more rarely, will find something really good that has been missed.
This week's experiment in uhh, hmmm, music? is the band Hollywood Undead. DNA doesn't really want to direct you to their myspace page, but in the interests all things fair, you can go here to listen to them. DNA is sorry in advance. Really. Okay, not really, DNA listened to them way too many times over the last few days for research purposes. This was way harder research than DNA's Master's Thesis. Why? Because nobody was torturing DNA while he completed his thesis.
Now, before you think DNA has lost his objectivity, DNa will give you some Hollywood Undead background, and ultimately end with an enlightened discussion of Emo, Screamo, and the final word from someone who can be considered the expert.
First off, Hollywood Undead has, gulp, over 12 million pages views on their myspace page. 12 million page views! Over 33 million listens to their songs. DNA can't even get more impressive italics to show how fucking unreal that is. Let DNA put it perspective. Britney Spears has about 19 million listens to her music on myspace. Hollywood Undead has about 100,000 more "friends" than she does. Who have they shown their pussies to?
DNA will get into the actual review in a moment, but again, he has to ask: for a band that seems to command so much myspace respect, why aren't they signed? Why don't they have a snocap store or are on iTunes or have some other method of online distribution for their music? Why are there a million (okay, only several hundred thousand) mentions of them around the web, but only a few honest to God reviews? And why are the actual reviews (not just fan comments) almost uniformly bad? Also, DNA noted in his research, that either you have people who think Hollywood Undead are the worst band ever, reconceptualizing the actual meaning of the word "bad" by the horrible-ness of what they call music, or that people think they fucking rule, and are inviting the 7 member-band for continuous 7 on 1 orgies across the country. The 7 on 1 orgy invitation appears to be both from male and female listeners. Meaning, Hollywood Undead is so cool, that even straight frat/thug/gym/macho guys get hard-ons for their music, and could handle being the catcher as long it was one of the guys in Hollywood Undead popping his ass-cherry.
At least, that is the gist of the commentary DNA has read.
What do they sound like? Well if you listened to Linkin Park (or 75,000 other bands that sound as bad as they do, the way they do), then you have an idea of what Hollywood Undead sounds like on a good day. Overall, production is good, but not great; again, as with the Tila Tequila review, the beats, loops, and sound are reminiscent of some guys with too much time on their hands and a nice computer in their mom's basement. They copy the "schtick" of many other popular bands, covering their faces, except that you get the feeling that they are covering their faces because otherwise, fans would see that these guys are kind of geeky, not cool. Slipknot, they are not. But, it seems to be working for them. Lyrically, there is some inventiveness, the words certainly flow, but the subject matter, even when one gives them the benefit of the doubt, and is willing to entertain the idea that the lyrics are tongue in cheek, can't help but think, "yeah, tongue in cheek, between ass-cheek, directly in ass." DNA is trying to say the lyrics are base, (not lots of low frequency, but as in low-brow), sophomoric, puerile, yeah, that's the right word, puerile, (look it up, gangsta-wannobe).
Actually, it's the lyrical content that bothers DNA, cuz it plays right into some stereotypes that DNA saw prevalent among the douchebag "think with their dicks or other more impressive muscles" crowd that he so often purposely antagonized while a student at SIU. The problem is, this band is supposed to be part of this "screamo" underground hardcore scene that opposes the establishment, right, except that, they and their fans kind of share the same knee-jerk, 'fuck you, faggot' attitude that is normally representative of the establishment. How can they be cool and anti-establishment if they are dicks and mouthpieces of the crap we all hate about the establishment? Oh, right...THEY CAN'T.
Let's get right to the music, shall we? The first song you hear upon clicking their myspace page is "Dead In Ditches."
That's when we, that's when we, that's when we ride
that's when we, that's when we ride on these bitches
That's when we ride on bitches
You fuckin' faggot snitches
So don't you try, we packin' 9's
We leave you dead in ditches
That's when we ride on bitches...
Okay, DNA just barfed in his mouth a little, and had to stop typing. No, not from being disgusted, from laughing so hard he contorted his stomach and chucked a little up. Instead of listing all of the lyrics, DNA will summarize: They play with the metaphor of a gun being both a symbol of toughness, and also a symbol of virility. It is clear as they talk about packin' 9, (ostensibly, a Glock 9)and shooting, that they are really talking about sexual conquest...wait a fucking minute, is DNA actually doing this? Actually providing a critical analysis of a song about fucking so 'good' that the boys in the band leave ho's dead in ditches? Okay then, how about this: the boys in the band say, "we packin' 9's." You know what that really means? They look at each others' dicks, and they have measured them. Because they are absolutely sure they are packin' 9's. They say it alot. Who do you know who looks enough at other guys' dicks to know exactly how long they are? Just by looking? Sorry, Hollywood Undead, you can't be mad at the "fucking faggot snitches" if you got a thing about measuring dicks. While we're there, about the use of the word "faggot." There is not a single word left in the English language when used in the off-handed, incidental, but still perjorative sense that it is used in this song, that doesn't more aptly display ignorance, stupidity, intolerance, etc., etc. Just the kind of thing your angry, disaffected youth wants to be associated with...if they are fucking fascists. Congratulations, Hollywood Undead. DNA will now buy Elton John, Liberace, Barry Manilow, and Judy Garland records on fucking principle alone.
The next song is "Bitches." Yeah, DNA laughed too.
Bitches I hope you know
bitches I hope you know
bitches I hope you know
I won't stop til I hit that ho
Baby come say hello
And get your junk ass over here let's go
DNA hopes the bitches know, too, that these guys sound like Weird Al when they try to sing, which is really demeaning to Weird Al, who actually is pretty fucking good. From this point of view, DNA is glad Hollywood Undead don't sing very much.
DNA can say, that without reservation, this is some of the worst stuff he has listened to, and for that DNA is glad. Every one elses' music seems better now. Even 2 Live Crew had their moments----"Hey, we want some pussy!" DNA can identify with that. DNA just can't identify with "Bitches." Nor can he fathom how anyone who can hear and understand English could identify with "Bitches." You know who are the bitches? Yep, Hollywood Undead.
Why are they bitches, though? Not only are the posuers (or however the fuck you are supposed to spell that word when you mean not the real deal), but they have completed what the establishment needs to have happen to "win." They have taken a genre that at one time was reactionary and revolutionary, and reduced it to a cliche, and made it the vehicle in which the establishment now rides. Don't believe DNA? Read the "influences" the band lists on their myspace page: "HOLLYWOOD California, Designer Jeans, Camo, Cigarettes, Mickey's 40's, Bud Ice, Pro Tools, OUR FANS, TATTOO'S, Cahuenga blvd, Pla-boy Liquor, ASS, partying, Subway Sandwiches, Finger Snaps, Scene Hair, Sidekicks, Dumb fuckin girls, Freestyling, HXC, Brassknuckles, Riding Bikes Drunk, clubs and bars...." If this doesn't sound like the wet dream list of the dick-headed, frat-boy, pumped up on his own beauty jock from high school/college. The establishment has co-opted cool. Fuck. DNA is glad he is uncool.
Now, here is the problem DNA has. These guys are so wrong on every level. It takes work to be that wrong. It takes brains, and it takes talent. In fact, in the back of DNA's mind, a little voice is saying, "They're fucking around with you, DNA, and with the hundreds of thousands of people who call themselves 'fans.' They are so spot-on parodying everything that is wrong with the tatooed, muscled, thug-life poseur dickheads, and the slutty, wish they were prettier, and only assess their own value based on the size of their asses and tits airheads, that they have to be laughing at them. Otherwise, they really are the theme music for the most pitiable generation of sperm and egg to have ever heaved their way down the fallopian tubes.
Lastly, where do they get the genre, "screamo?" From "emo," obviously. But then, what is "emo?" You think you know, but you don't, not really. Short for "emotional hardcore," or "emotive hardcore," whatever the fuck that means. Here is the definitive response to what is "emo," from the only trusted source on the net, Wiki.
(The passages below were copied right from the Wiki "emo" page. Fuck it, they said it better than DNA could)
In 1985 in Washington, D.C., Ian MacKaye and Guy Picciotto, veterans of the DC hardcore music scene, decided to shift away from what they saw as the constraints of the basic style of hardcore and the escalating violence within the scene. They took their music in a more personal direction with a far greater sense of experimentation, bringing forth MacKaye's Embrace and Picciotto's Rites of Spring. The style of music developed by Embrace and Rites of Spring soon became its own sound. (Hüsker Dü's 1984 album Zen Arcade is often cited as a major influence for the new sound.) As a result of the renewed spirit of experimentation and musical innovation that developed the new scene, the summer of 1985 soon came to be known in the scene as "Revolution Summer".[1]
Where the term emo actually originated is uncertain, but members of Rites of Spring mentioned in a 1985 interview in Flipside Magazine that some of their fans had started using the term to describe their music. By the early 90s, it was not uncommon for the early DC scene to be referred to as emo-core, though it's unclear when the term shifted.
The difficulty in defining "emo" as a genre may have started at the very beginning. In a 2003 interview by Mark Prindle,[13] Guy Picciotto of Fugazi and Rites of Spring was asked how he felt about "being the creator of the emo genre". He responded: "I don't recognize that attribution. I've never recognized 'emo' as a genre of music. I always thought it was the most retarded term ever. I know there is this generic commonplace that every band that gets labeled with that term hates it. They feel scandalized by it. But honestly, I just thought that all the bands I played in were punk rock bands. The reason I think it's so stupid is that - what, like the Bad Brains weren't emotional? What - they were robots or something? It just doesn't make any sense to me."
The bottom line is what started as a movement is now simply a fashion, which is really the only proof DNA needed to see that Hollywood Undead aren't being duplicitous, they really are bad. They are called "screamo" because they look "screamo," not because they represent some social movement, the way bands like Fugazi or Bad Brains did/do.
Lastly, the fact that they are a myspace phenomenon only goes to prove that myspace has very little actual power to effect change, and has linked the lowest common demoninator together. Where else could dickheads find the theme music to fuck bitches to?
Pros: Every now and then, a little humor, or some inventive lyric, makes it to the light of day (keeping that little voice in the back of DNA's mind whispering).
Cons: Predictable, limited, puerile, white-boy, posuer, wannabe, masturbatory fantasy life soundtrack which has been done better by just about every skinny kid who picked up a guitar and felt like Superman.
Pros: They do make it sound cool to have some bitches around.
Cons: Based on their popularity, and we all know how wise it is to listen and follow something because lots of other people are following it, Hollywood Undead will probably have the next bad reality TV show on right after "A Shot At Love" with Tila Tequila.
Pros: Their name isn't half bad. DNA was intrigued when it saw the name Hollywood Undead. That sounds like a band ripe to subvert the ingrained idea of life in Hollywood, right?
Cons: In other words, with a name like that, they sounded like they should have the potential to rock like the Groovy Ghoulies, Man Or Astro-man, or The Reverend Horton Heat, but instead they didn't. Instead they sucked the life right out of the name "Hollywood Undead."
If you are a fan of Hollywood Undead, right here is where you can level all of the "fuck you faggot" responses and other enlightened commentary regarding my analysis of the band.
Permanent Historical Record: 11/01/07
Sick...
It never fails that at about this time, DNA gets sick. There are two articles DNA has written, but it will wait until DNA feels better to post.
Permanent Historical Record: 11/02/07
Everyones' A Critic...
MyuSICK REVUE
This is a feature that DNA has wanted to do for some time. Hopefully, he will make this a regular feature. After having established in this blog that logically, no music sucks, only the listener's ability to appreciate it does, he was swamped with literally hundreds of humble submissions from readers which really did suck. Hack songs, hack lyrics, terrible production, rehashed themes, blatantly ripped off melodies, you name it, DNA heard it. So, DNA might have to reconsider the concept that no music sucks. Many examples of DNA's own songs are not very likable, so DNA understands that some songs might take a lot of bourbon or weed to appreciate.
However, even music that sucks must have some redeeming value, right? Right? Well, DNA will be the judge. DNA will try to select a wide variety of music, popular, obscure, current, past, famous and not, and try to provide a critical analysis. DNA will try to be fair, to understand why something he thinks is terrible might be liked by somebody. AND, if DNA disses a band you like, then DNA will print your critical rebuttal if it is any good.
DNA expects that most of what he reviews will be easy to skewer, some of it will need to be skewered and hasn�t been, and every once in awhile, he will find some stuff that has been skewered that needs to be admired, and even more rarely, will find something really good that has been missed.
Myspace seemed like a good place to start searching for artists who fit the above criteria. DNA went to Myspace, and went to the Top Artists tab. The top of the top unsigned artists today (11/2/07) was one Tila Tequila.
"Tila Nguyen was 1 year old when she moved to the U.S. from Singapore, but she's Vietnamese by heritage and blond by choice. As for what she does for a living, there isn't really a word for it yet. Nguyen, who goes by Tila Tequila professionally, is some combination of rapper, singer, model, blogger and actress. But what she mostly is is the queen of the massive social-networking website MySpace..." - Time Magazine
Okay, get that? TIME MAGAZINE???? Sorry. Instead of giving you a couple of quotes encapsulating the psychology of why anyone expresses any kind of interest in Tila, DNA will direct you to this well-written article in the New York times.
Seriously, take a moment to read it. It says everything DNA could about what motivates us as a culture. But, DNA isn�t here to critique Tila as a human being, or a myspace phenomena, or MTV sl---uh, star, but as a musician. DNA looked for a long time for anyone actually reviewing her music.
Out of 819,000 hits for "Tila Tequila Review," DNA found only three actual reviews of songs by Tila Tequila. Some might argue that this alone is overwhelming evidence that, like so many have written, she is less artist than entrepreneur, which is the word they use for "whore" in the nice blogs. In the not so nice blogs, they use "whore" for "whore."
Here is a sample of her writing on the song, "Stripper Friends:"
"All my stripper friends, all my ex-boyfriends, we all want the same thing, we all want the same thing.
Bodies in the bar, reaching for the stars, we all want the same thing, we all want the same thing."
Good writers write what they know. DNA is not surprised that Tila knows lots about strippers and has lots of ex-boyfriends. But is this enough meat to feed a song? Is the rhyme between the words "friends" and "friends" too forced? Or the one between "bar"and "stars" so complex as to undermine the depth of the subject? This review is already too heavy, cuz DNA senses some IRON-y. Oh, and the pronoun "we" isn't correct as she uses it. Not to be a little grammar bitch, but it should be "they." C'mon, it's a fucking pronoun. This alone should tell you the level at which she writes.
We are led through a litany of simple rhymes, a simple theme, and a droning refrain, in the mode of any number of pouty-mouthed (and also potty-mouthed) so-called bombshells. Why do our current pop singers sing like they just had dicks in their mouths? Oh. That must be the answer.
After Donna Summers'hit "Love To Love You Baby" stunned people with its steaming sensuality, any number of 'pop' artists have attempted to breathe, moan, and groan their lyrics in an attempt to make their rather pedantic and forced music to sound raw and sensual like that. That was distilled into a very sick vintage in Britney Spears, and has been guzzled by a whole generation of singers who think that "sexual" and "sensual" are the same thing. This whole affectation of over pronounced consonants, as if the singer's tongue is too thick for her mouth (which is exactly the effect they are going for, so sad little boys can think about that girl's tongue, maybe with a stud in it, and what she would do with that), and over-exaggerated hyperbole must stop.
Since she tells us that "we all want the same thing," and the rhetorical device tells us that Tila is the "everywoman" who can tell us what that is, DNA has to ask, "Why the fuck wait until 3 minutes and 9 seconds into the song before you let us know what that is? Generally, holding a bit of information like that to create artificial interest or tension, or to inflate the importance of the concept is an example of weak writing." DNA guesses that Tila is guilty as charged. Here is the wisdom she imparts at nearly the end of the song:
"We all wanna live we all wanna learn how to love without getttin burned We want to be loved, are we good enough? Yeah, yeah."
No, no, we are not good enough. Not yet.
So, she doesn't distinguish herself as a singer, or as a songwriter. The production values aren't bad, certainly passable, but are nothing that can't be done by somebody with a computer in his basement. The beats, the arrangements, the musical talent which is required to write the music itself is fairly small. Does she distinguish herself in any other way? Well, she poses in some of the same ways as porn star Asia Carrera, and Asia actually has some pretty impressive skills, so DNA guesses that counts for something. Look at them side by side.
Asia Carrera...............................
Tila Tequila...............................
Put them together and you get Tia Carrere!
She certainly has marketed herself into a position of fame, has a TV show, has millions of myspace friends, and has a single that DNA's son has heard on the radio. Tila Tequila is no different than any number of the relatively talentless, relatively nice to look at women who are made into 'stars,' with the exception that she actually made herself without the help of Warner Brothers or Disney, which is saying something. DNA thinks it is saying that the bar, officially dropped by reality TV and OJ, has reached a new lower equilibrium. This should not surprise us. As long as good singers, and good musicians are still able to be heard and seen, why do any of us care if Tila can titillate the lowest common denominator? She ain't no Aretha Franklin, hell, she ain't even a Mariah Carey, okay, fuck it, she ain't even at the level of Fergie or the Pussycat Dolls. Still, when your retarded half-sister sings in front of the family at the reunion, shouldn't everybody there clap, and is it wrong that some of the family really thinks she is good?
PROS: She kind of looks like a bobble head of herself, already. Marketing genius if she gives out bobble-heads at her concerts.
CONS: Her writing is simple, her sense of melody basic, her concepts fairly low-brow ("I don't wanna fuck your man" comes to mind), her delivery uninspired, and her affectation of the 'sex-kitten' does not come off as sensual, but as soft-core porn, which considering DNA's comparison of Tila to Asia Carrera, should show you how bad someone trying to be 'hard-core' sexual looks when they don't have the courage of their convictions, and just wants to appear 'hard-core.' Asia Carrera, DNA respects. Tila Tequila, not so much.
PROS: Tila proves that the democratizing power of the internet works.
CONS: God help us all from the river of shit her wave of success has unleashed. Prepare to be underwhelmed.
DNA debated a long time about even reviewing her music, because DNA is only adding to the number of hits that her name gets every day. This is like an endorsement, no matter what her music is like. But DNA really couldn't find any good reviews of her music, so this was justification enough. Just because it is shitty doesn't mean it gets a pass. In this respect, Tila is experiencing a case of the emperor's new clothes. Once public affection has died, once her looks fade, and nobody cares about the trailer park parade she is currently leading, then people might look back and say, "No, I don't see it. I don't know what I liked about her," and she might say, "Wow, I really didn't have very much talent." DNA doesn't want to throw stones, really. DNA doesn't have a lot of talent, either. DNA makes no claims other than it is what it is. A last word: Who has millions of fans but does not have a record deal? Tila.
Permanent Historical Record: 11/07/07
Plagiarism...And Other Crimes
For those of you who do not share an affinity with Carbondale, IL, or SIU, you might want to tune this blog post out. Unless, of course, you enjoy erudite exposition and thought-provoking analysis on exciting topics like intellectual property rights. Hello? Hello? Anybody there? For those of you still reading, SIU's President, Glenn Poshard, is in some hot water, for plagiarizing a few times in his doctoral dissertation. Some are calling for his head, some are backing him all the way, and for lots of reasons, the issue doesn't look like it is going away. So, DNA decided to weigh in on the subject, mainly because most of the crap that has been written about the topic has been, well, CRAP. So, printed in its entirety, with some small edits (like putting 'DNA' instead of ***** in the places DNA refers to itself), here is our first installment of
Self-serving, Self-aggrandizing, Academic Snobfoppery Theater
Tonight's episode: Plagiarism And Other Capital Crimes
Most of you out there don't care about the happenings at a small Midwestern university, unless that phrase was preceded by the words, "Dear Penthouse: I never thought this would happen to me. I attend a small Midwestern university...." But within the university community, these happenings whirl frenetically like a tornado fed by the spinning of its own tail/tale (take your pick).
DNA has been thinking about the issue of plagiarism in the hopes that DNA could distill this slurry he has been reading in the papers and on the internet into a shot of something with a little more, well, character. Kind of like the difference between drinking a slug of white lightning, compared to a nice draw of aged Kentucky bourbon. One will burn your nose hairs and cause you to see funny. The other uses your whole circulatory system as a filter for smoky sophistication. The problem is, DNA doesn't think the current row about plagiarism is really about plagiarism.
Let's assume, for a moment, that this debate is actually about plagiarism. DNA is purposely not going to define the term here. There are more definitions of plagiarism than there are instances of plagiarism in SIU system president Glenn Poshard's dissertation. Rather, DNA wants to talk about what it is. From a student's standpoint, it is the caged beast used by teachers, administrators, and institutions to inspire fear--- whoops, DNA means, to instill the highest standards of integrity for the intellectual process in their students. From a teacher's standpoint, it is a crime, the prosecution of which protects a teacher's value on the open market--- whoops, DNA means, protects their intellectual property. How plagiarism is defined is not so clear. Whether different activities constitute plagiarism, and whether the same penalties should be imposed for an act of plagiarism depending on your professional level (or lack of it) should be up for debate.
Students need and benefit from direct statements about plagiarism so that they understand clearly what is considered cheating and what is not. Students might plagiarize because they know less of what is common knowledge in a particular field; students might plagiarize because they are less familiar with the rules regarding the fair use of others' works; students might plagiarize because a sufficient "weeding out" process is still occurring during the undergraduate years, and many students who actively cheat are only then getting caught in serious enough infractions; students might plagiarize because many of them aren't particularly interested, invested, or driven to create their own work, or to do the research that allows them to find their own voices, et cetera. (DNA views this primarily as a failure of teachers to find the methods to inspire their students.) There are many reasons students might plagiarize, almost all of which, with the exception of unrepentant, continued, blatant cheating, should be accepted by teachers the way a parent accepts reasons for bad behavior from a child who is still learning how to do things: Negatively reinforce to extinguish a behavior, and positively reinforce to change the behavior. When this is done correctly, the negative reinforcement should not overshadow the positive reinforcement. Then, Professor Skinner rings a bell, and all the kids look out the window due to his semester's long operant conditioning. DNA is not a behaviorist, but certainly, there are times when the model works.
If schools want to teach kids that plagiarism is bad, then instructors shouldn't level the worst punishment (failing a class, being suspended or expelled) at students for the first, or second (or, gasp, maybe even the third) infraction of the rules or for an inadvertent infraction. Wouldn't it be a more effective lesson about the value of intellectual and academic honesty to require a student who plagiarized to write a paper about a topic of their choosing, in which he had to present several drafts, submitted sequentially, all verified by the instructor, starting with a simple outline, which creates a clear and obvious trail of the student's own intellectual work? Wouldn't that be much more effective in producing a future scholar who appreciated the value of his own work instead of scaring the hell out of a kid who makes a mistake, or, God forbid, maybe several? But that approach involves actual hard work on the part of the instructor, and assumes an element of really caring about an individual student�s intellectual potential and growth. What was DNA thinking?
It is one thing to talk about plagiarism among students. What about plagiarism among professionals? Now we are getting into the meat and potatoes of this current, for lack of a better term, argument. Actually, there is a better term, it's just longer: "Two sides shrieking back and forth, tossing polemic, pedantic barbs aimed at inciting anger, including few if any facts, all out of context, each claiming that the other side is ruining reputations of institutions or people, and that is why SIU now sucks," or something to that effect. Before we dig into the professional plagiarism main course, let's scarf down the appetizer, which in effect has spoiled our palate for public debate. The appetizer is composed of two ingredients: First take a large helping of "Don't throw stones if you live in glass houses," and vigorously combine with two scoops of "If you're rich, powerful, or connected, I guess the rules don't apply to you," and stand back. The mixture rises on its own, puffs itself full of hot air, and will cause [ad] nauseam if tasted even once. Interestingly, both points of view spring from the same insecure, squirrelly bakery in our psyches: a fear of not being in control of our lives. One point of view basically asks, "Who are you to judge?" while the other asks, "Who are you to be above judgment?" Both rise from insular thinking and an external locus of control.
Plagiarism takes on a whole new meaning and importance when it is applied to the professional world. Then, as a concept, it is related directly to intellectual property and the value, the actual dollars-and-sense value that the property has. Plagiarism is theft, and as such, the process to penalize someone for plagiarism follows the same basic rules that govern the adjudication of any theft of property: The worse the violation, the worse the penalty. If the theft is bad enough, as a professional, you lose money, prestige, reputation, opportunities, your job, and maybe even your freedom. Wouldn't it be stupid to exact the same toll for different levels and kinds of infractions? It's the kind of intractable, inflexible thinking that you would least expect from faculty and administration at a university, but is exactly the kind of thinking we seem to be faced with at every turn. Perhaps those intractable thinkers should remember this aphorism: To err is human; to forgive, divine. (Or maybe that's 'strychnine.')
Somebody said that before, DNA thinks. Oh yeah, it was Alexander Pope. Which brings DNA to its next point: How many times do you have to hear or see something before you no longer feel bad for ripping off Alexander Pope? What falls into the bounds of common knowledge? There is certainly something rotten in Denmark. Et tu, Brute? I'd rather serve in Denny's than manage in McDonald's. You see where DNA is going with this, DNA hopes? When does DNA get to say "continental drift" without saying, "as originally described by Alfred Wegner?" The rules are not very clear. Common knowledge pretty much means, "If you already knew it, then you're okay, but if you had to get your information from somewhere else, then it was not common knowledge to you, so you better cite it, or else." That definition, in one form or another, can be found all over the place. DNA guesses that makes it common knowledge.
Unfortunately, the definition is so relative to an individual's experience as to nearly be worthless. Language itself, being self-reflexive, tends to blur authorship/ownership over time. "But surely, there must be a definable point at which something can't be considered 'common' anymore," you say. Yes, it makes sense that that point exists. And stop calling me Shirley. Now, does DNA have to attribute that joke to the writers of the movie, Airplane!? DNA hopes we're not there as a society. As soon as free expression is curtailed out of fear of penalty or reprisal because you did not attribute everything correctly, then the argument against plagiarism has officially stepped off the deep end. Right now, at SIU, we seem dangerously close to testing those waters.
Do we want a teacher who uses somebody else's teaching statement? Do we want a chancellor who copies large chunks of a previously developed plan and inserts them into his new work here? Do we want a president who committed plagiarism in his thesis and dissertation? Do we want to start looking at everybody's published theses and dissertations and comb through them for signs of plagiarism? No, of course not. In a perfect world, every teacher's teaching statements would be unique or attributed carefully, every chancellor would cite their old plans or create new plans when envisioning a specific university's future, and every president would produce a thesis and dissertation which become the standards for scholarly excellence, and nobody would ever commit an act of plagiarism, intentional or otherwise, in their student or professional works.
Or, we could accept a more modest proposal. Should DNA attribute that? It will, to Jonathan Swift, who suggested, in 1729, that the Irish in Ireland could solve their social problems if they only ate their own children, particularly the poor ones. (They are very tasty, he reports.) Here's DNA's modest, slightly less biting, proposal: Teach students, through a process of experience, why they should not plagiarize. Teachers should show them examples and should be examples of proper behavior, instead of making examples of students when they foul up. Students who foul up include graduate students, too. Even though doctoral grads should have learned their lessons already, some will still make dumb mistakes. Which brings DNA to an important side note: Did you know that school is the place at which you get to make dumb mistakes, and not have it cost you your career? We learn by making mistakes. Why do you think so many people teach at universities? The amateurs (students) should get treated with kid gloves until they turn pro (graduate). Professionals (professors, administrators, et cetera), however, should bear the full responsibility of their actions. That's why they are paid the big bucks.
It would be nice if the world followed the diet suggested by DNA's modest proposal, but it doesn't. Instead, we're filled up by the side dishes. It's hard to say how that happened, but perhaps some of the ill-advised statements weeks before a decision about Poshard's plagiarism by board members, which certainly sounded like a rubber stamp of approval for President Poshard, didn't help, nor did the many statements by folks who had axes to grind against SIU. Nor did those who extolled Poshard's character and trivialized any potential wrongdoing, or those who faulted the process or the findings of a committee for lacking integrity, et cetera., et cetera.
Unfortunately, the issue of plagiarism seems to be the McGuffin of this Hitchcockian drama. Really, does this 'scandal' affect the quality of DNA's degrees? No. DNA still learned what he learned while he was here as a student. DNA takes that with him wherever he goes. Will it affect whether or not an SIU grad is hired somewhere? No company or institution or human-resources manager would be stupid enough to assume that somehow this issue devalued any individual's education. Scandals like this have come and gone at universities a lot more prestigious than SIU. Guess what? They are still more prestigious. The elephant in the living room is this: There wouldn't be a private group of 'concerned' citizens investigating certain targets if there hadn't existed a longstanding culture of SIU administrators treating teachers poorly. It's a fact that we have a larger, well-paid administration at SIU, and a smaller, less well-paid faculty compared to other similar institutions around the country. It's hard to reconcile institutional inequalities like that without sacrificing some rams along with some sheep. Poshard is enough of a politician to keep from getting his throat cut, but can he lead us out of this valley, or will we go straight over a cliff? DNA actually thinks his detractors are afraid he might succeed, not fail, because their axes would be blunted if things started to get better with Glenn at the helm. DNA doesn't believe those concerned citizens actually care about plagiarism as much as they care about plagiarism being a means to an end.
Please, President Poshard, Chancellor Fernando Trevino, if you or your staff happen to read this, DNA ain't the Lorax, but he do speak for some of the trees around here: Take this opportunity to lead. Change the culture, change the perception that our administration is bloated and our teachers are undervalued. You can do this. Some folks have faith---not blind faith, but faith nonetheless--- that you are the right people for the job. This plagiarism issue is likely the first and last test you will be allowed to fail. Yes, fail. You certainly did not win over hearts and minds here with your words and actions. You survived, which is important in the long run, but that is not compelling evidence you are fit to take on this challenge. DNA hopes, for students, faculty, the institution, and the region, that you are. If you are not, leave now. Too many people depend on your success.
Okay, that was the "real" writing that DNA does from time to time. Didn't mean to have it intrude in his internetlife. Can't help it if the dick jokes or memories of the music biz are not bubbling to the surface right now.
What have you plagiarized lately?
Permanent Historical Record: 11/11/07
Where Can You Find A Good Movie?
Certainly not at the video store. DNA and his wife were having this conversation just yesterday and then, last night, DNA's guestbook was hit with spam, asking, "Where can I find good movies? Can you help me?" DNA took that as a sign. Yes, spammer, you trolling dirtbag, and yes, visitor to this site, you wonderful, entertainment-starved spirit, DNA can help you.
Besides the conversation and the spam, DNA has noticed what we all have noticed: Video stores do not carry good selections of catalog titles. Years ago, DNA used to run a video store, and worked for a large retailer that owned a chain of video stores. The model worked as follows: Stock the hell out of new releases, stock the hell out of a few popular catalog titles (anybody remember "Porky's"---God, DNA hopes not), carry a few special interest titles, keep a top row open for "Playboy"and related softcore nudity documentaries (that's what DNA always called them---in fact, after hours, if everyone was cool with it, every once in a while we would put one on, and do like a "Wild Kingdom" voice over narration: "Here you see the beach bunny in its natural habitat. Notice how, once on the beach, the dominant female bends and protrudes her hind quarters, to set the boundary of her territory and signal the waiting males that she is in heat."
When you are in your 20's, and intellectually anesthetized by the repetitive nature of your job, then even ignorant shit like that becomes enjoyable.
Regardless, after that, the chain stores owners left managers with some choice, about 10% or so of the ordering budget, as discretionary, so that we could buy movies to stock that we thought were cool. Also, although we received signage (that's the official word for all the signs and graphics on signs, hanging from ceilings and in windows, etc., that you receive from the home office, that you have to put up in the store a certain way as per your company's marketing department's requirements) we also had freedom to make our own, as long as it wasn't crude or vulgar, and looked professional.
So, it could have been worse. At least the company DNA worked for allowed for a little creativity (not a lot----DNA will tell another story about how he pitched the idea of having song kiosks at which users could download and print up their own CD's about 5 years before it was being done, and the company president said that he didn't think the market was heading that direction, and thanked me for my input---uh, DNA guesses he doesn't have to wait to tell the story---he just did).
The coolest part about the old video store DNA ran was that DNA would create interesting categories, useful categories, for people to find movies. Categories like "Featured Directors" or "Featured Actors;" categories like "Bad Matthew Broderick Movies" and "Who Teaches Bad Guys Martial Arts?" That store experience from years ago has kept DNA aware of the pressures on current video stores to maximize dollars per square foot, but to also stock titles which will sell, and to position titles in ways and places which excite a person's imagination. Why would anyone advertise bad Matthew Broderick movies? Because it invites conversation, it invites a call to judgment, and movies sold off of that endcap in the store because of it. However, you can't have an endcap like that in your store if you don't know enough about your inventory to talk about it. You have to be able to talk about War Games and Biloxi Blues, movies which did not appear on the endcap, as well as Mars Attacks! which did (or if DNA were still running the store, The Producers would have to be added to the display, because it SUCKED as a movie).
You can't find good movies in video stores anymore because the imagination has left the business. As a model, the business is dying. DNA went into the local video store last week, looking for some specific movies. The store is part of a relatively new chain. It is clean and well organized. New releases line the exterior walls of the store. One quarter of the interior store space is dedicated to tanning, one quarter is dedicated to sale and rental of video games, one quarter is dedicated to the sale of recent new releases, and 7/32 is dedicated to the front register and candy sales. 1/32 of the store is set aside for catalog rentals and sales. That was it.
The catalog selection leaned heavily towards children's fare. When DNA asked if they could special order a catalog title, a popular title, the store manager said that they were not allowed to anymore. When a store can't supply a basic demand of a customer, one that you would expect to be able to be met, then that should be a sign that the business is in decline.
Movies on demand, Netflix, these services are changing the model. If you run or own a video store, DNA has a simple plan to save your business.
1. Make your store unique. There are 10,000 Blockbusters. Make your store a different destination.
2. Know your product. Watch lots of movies. Read about movies. Be excited about the art form. Be able to answer your customer's questions. Hire people that share your passion. Don't just run the store.
3. Don't combine your store with another. Movies and tanning do not fucking go together. EVER. Yet, you see this combination all the time. You know what goes together? Movies and pizza. That would work. But even then, why deal with the hassle of two different business models under one roof? Save your floorspace for movies.
4. Most catalog DVD's cost wholesale about $5. That means, you can make money on them after five one-dollar rentals. Or you can sell them for $6.99 and make approximately a 30% profit. What this tells DNA is that there is a lot of margin left in the business. If you could incorporate download on demand in your store, then you put the cost for production directly on the consumer, and wa-laa, you open up the doors to have tons more catalog titles available at little additional cost to you. How hard would it have been, for example, for the chain store DNA went into to enter a partnership with an online movie company like Netflix and be able to deliver a catalog of 100,000 titles to any person who enters the store? Not hard, it just requires imagination.
5. Don't put shit down so low on a shelf that people can't see it, and don't load your shelves with too many titles on their spines and don't buy gimmicky shit like movie tie-in toys to increase your profit margin. Those are all signs that you are abandoning your store's core mission.
That's it. Now, good luck trying to find a movie store which does that. Your best shot is to go online, which is the direction all media is going anyway.
Permanent Historical Record: 11/17/07
The Akkademiks...ROCK!
For those of you who don't know, the only reason the DNA Vibrator got back on this carousel called alt rock was because he started an educational musical project approximately 5 years ago. It started small, but the idea never went away. It was first developed in a business plan competition. The business was called "Music Notes," and the concept was to apply the model of "Schoolhouse Rock" to college subjects. After a frenetic period of writing, which netted 10 songs for the educational project, and about 30 for DNA's own personal projects, the circle is nearly complete. Number 11 has been sitting in DNA's head for some time. Finally, DNA has knocked out the last song for the educational album: Climate Change.
Yeah, it's a song about climate change, as you might have guessed from the title. Remember, this little project is educational, and the first album focuses on Geology.
DNa had been trying to squeeze a couple of hours in to knock out a rough demo, and was exicted that this afternoon, it happened. Which means, that if H.O.G. can get roped, tied and dragged back into the studio, this song will be done pretty shortly. Also, the canned drums have to be re-done, but that part is easy---tedious to get right, but easy to do.
Hope you have yerself some lernin' this Thanksgiving.
DNA forgot the cranberries!
Permanent Historical Record: 11/21/07
Time For Another Myoo-sick Review...
Remember the guiding principle for this recurring feature: After having established in this blog that logically, no music sucks, only the listener's ability to appreciate it does, he was swamped with literally hundreds of humble submissions from readers which really did suck. Hack songs, hack lyrics, terrible production, rehashed themes, blatantly ripped off melodies, you name it, DNA heard it. So, DNA might have to reconsider the concept that no music sucks. Many examples of DNA's own songs are not very likable, so DNA understands that some songs might take a lot of bourbon or weed to appreciate.
However, even music that sucks must have some redeeming value, right? Right? Well, DNA will be the judge. DNA will try to select a wide variety of music, popular, obscure, current, past, famous and not, and try to provide a critical analysis. DNA will try to be fair, to understand why something he thinks is terrible might be liked by somebody. AND, if DNA disses a band you like, then DNA will print your critical rebuttal if it is any good.
DNA expects that most of what he reviews will be easy to skewer, some of it will need to be skewered and hasn't been, and every once in awhile, he will find some stuff that has been skewered that needs to be admired, and even more rarely, will find something really good that has been missed.
This week's experiment in uhh, hmmm, music? is the band Hollywood Undead. DNA doesn't really want to direct you to their myspace page, but in the interests all things fair, you can go here to listen to them. DNA is sorry in advance. Really. Okay, not really, DNA listened to them way too many times over the last few days for research purposes. This was way harder research than DNA's Master's Thesis. Why? Because nobody was torturing DNA while he completed his thesis.
Now, before you think DNA has lost his objectivity, DNa will give you some Hollywood Undead background, and ultimately end with an enlightened discussion of Emo, Screamo, and the final word from someone who can be considered the expert.
First off, Hollywood Undead has, gulp, over 12 million pages views on their myspace page. 12 million page views! Over 33 million listens to their songs. DNA can't even get more impressive italics to show how fucking unreal that is. Let DNA put it perspective. Britney Spears has about 19 million listens to her music on myspace. Hollywood Undead has about 100,000 more "friends" than she does. Who have they shown their pussies to?
DNA will get into the actual review in a moment, but again, he has to ask: for a band that seems to command so much myspace respect, why aren't they signed? Why don't they have a snocap store or are on iTunes or have some other method of online distribution for their music? Why are there a million (okay, only several hundred thousand) mentions of them around the web, but only a few honest to God reviews? And why are the actual reviews (not just fan comments) almost uniformly bad? Also, DNA noted in his research, that either you have people who think Hollywood Undead are the worst band ever, reconceptualizing the actual meaning of the word "bad" by the horrible-ness of what they call music, or that people think they fucking rule, and are inviting the 7 member-band for continuous 7 on 1 orgies across the country. The 7 on 1 orgy invitation appears to be both from male and female listeners. Meaning, Hollywood Undead is so cool, that even straight frat/thug/gym/macho guys get hard-ons for their music, and could handle being the catcher as long it was one of the guys in Hollywood Undead popping his ass-cherry.
At least, that is the gist of the commentary DNA has read.
What do they sound like? Well if you listened to Linkin Park (or 75,000 other bands that sound as bad as they do, the way they do), then you have an idea of what Hollywood Undead sounds like on a good day. Overall, production is good, but not great; again, as with the Tila Tequila review, the beats, loops, and sound are reminiscent of some guys with too much time on their hands and a nice computer in their mom's basement. They copy the "schtick" of many other popular bands, covering their faces, except that you get the feeling that they are covering their faces because otherwise, fans would see that these guys are kind of geeky, not cool. Slipknot, they are not. But, it seems to be working for them. Lyrically, there is some inventiveness, the words certainly flow, but the subject matter, even when one gives them the benefit of the doubt, and is willing to entertain the idea that the lyrics are tongue in cheek, can't help but think, "yeah, tongue in cheek, between ass-cheek, directly in ass." DNA is trying to say the lyrics are base, (not lots of low frequency, but as in low-brow), sophomoric, puerile, yeah, that's the right word, puerile, (look it up, gangsta-wannobe).
Actually, it's the lyrical content that bothers DNA, cuz it plays right into some stereotypes that DNA saw prevalent among the douchebag "think with their dicks or other more impressive muscles" crowd that he so often purposely antagonized while a student at SIU. The problem is, this band is supposed to be part of this "screamo" underground hardcore scene that opposes the establishment, right, except that, they and their fans kind of share the same knee-jerk, 'fuck you, faggot' attitude that is normally representative of the establishment. How can they be cool and anti-establishment if they are dicks and mouthpieces of the crap we all hate about the establishment? Oh, right...THEY CAN'T.
Let's get right to the music, shall we? The first song you hear upon clicking their myspace page is "Dead In Ditches."
That's when we, that's when we, that's when we ride
that's when we, that's when we ride on these bitches
That's when we ride on bitches
You fuckin' faggot snitches
So don't you try, we packin' 9's
We leave you dead in ditches
That's when we ride on bitches...
Okay, DNA just barfed in his mouth a little, and had to stop typing. No, not from being disgusted, from laughing so hard he contorted his stomach and chucked a little up. Instead of listing all of the lyrics, DNA will summarize: They play with the metaphor of a gun being both a symbol of toughness, and also a symbol of virility. It is clear as they talk about packin' 9, (ostensibly, a Glock 9)and shooting, that they are really talking about sexual conquest...wait a fucking minute, is DNA actually doing this? Actually providing a critical analysis of a song about fucking so 'good' that the boys in the band leave ho's dead in ditches? Okay then, how about this: the boys in the band say, "we packin' 9's." You know what that really means? They look at each others' dicks, and they have measured them. Because they are absolutely sure they are packin' 9's. They say it alot. Who do you know who looks enough at other guys' dicks to know exactly how long they are? Just by looking? Sorry, Hollywood Undead, you can't be mad at the "fucking faggot snitches" if you got a thing about measuring dicks. While we're there, about the use of the word "faggot." There is not a single word left in the English language when used in the off-handed, incidental, but still perjorative sense that it is used in this song, that doesn't more aptly display ignorance, stupidity, intolerance, etc., etc. Just the kind of thing your angry, disaffected youth wants to be associated with...if they are fucking fascists. Congratulations, Hollywood Undead. DNA will now buy Elton John, Liberace, Barry Manilow, and Judy Garland records on fucking principle alone.
The next song is "Bitches." Yeah, DNA laughed too.
Bitches I hope you know
bitches I hope you know
bitches I hope you know
I won't stop til I hit that ho
Baby come say hello
And get your junk ass over here let's go
DNA hopes the bitches know, too, that these guys sound like Weird Al when they try to sing, which is really demeaning to Weird Al, who actually is pretty fucking good. From this point of view, DNA is glad Hollywood Undead don't sing very much.
DNA can say, that without reservation, this is some of the worst stuff he has listened to, and for that DNA is glad. Every one elses' music seems better now. Even 2 Live Crew had their moments----"Hey, we want some pussy!" DNA can identify with that. DNA just can't identify with "Bitches." Nor can he fathom how anyone who can hear and understand English could identify with "Bitches." You know who are the bitches? Yep, Hollywood Undead.
Why are they bitches, though? Not only are the posuers (or however the fuck you are supposed to spell that word when you mean not the real deal), but they have completed what the establishment needs to have happen to "win." They have taken a genre that at one time was reactionary and revolutionary, and reduced it to a cliche, and made it the vehicle in which the establishment now rides. Don't believe DNA? Read the "influences" the band lists on their myspace page: "HOLLYWOOD California, Designer Jeans, Camo, Cigarettes, Mickey's 40's, Bud Ice, Pro Tools, OUR FANS, TATTOO'S, Cahuenga blvd, Pla-boy Liquor, ASS, partying, Subway Sandwiches, Finger Snaps, Scene Hair, Sidekicks, Dumb fuckin girls, Freestyling, HXC, Brassknuckles, Riding Bikes Drunk, clubs and bars...." If this doesn't sound like the wet dream list of the dick-headed, frat-boy, pumped up on his own beauty jock from high school/college. The establishment has co-opted cool. Fuck. DNA is glad he is uncool.
Now, here is the problem DNA has. These guys are so wrong on every level. It takes work to be that wrong. It takes brains, and it takes talent. In fact, in the back of DNA's mind, a little voice is saying, "They're fucking around with you, DNA, and with the hundreds of thousands of people who call themselves 'fans.' They are so spot-on parodying everything that is wrong with the tatooed, muscled, thug-life poseur dickheads, and the slutty, wish they were prettier, and only assess their own value based on the size of their asses and tits airheads, that they have to be laughing at them. Otherwise, they really are the theme music for the most pitiable generation of sperm and egg to have ever heaved their way down the fallopian tubes.
Lastly, where do they get the genre, "screamo?" From "emo," obviously. But then, what is "emo?" You think you know, but you don't, not really. Short for "emotional hardcore," or "emotive hardcore," whatever the fuck that means. Here is the definitive response to what is "emo," from the only trusted source on the net, Wiki.
(The passages below were copied right from the Wiki "emo" page. Fuck it, they said it better than DNA could)
In 1985 in Washington, D.C., Ian MacKaye and Guy Picciotto, veterans of the DC hardcore music scene, decided to shift away from what they saw as the constraints of the basic style of hardcore and the escalating violence within the scene. They took their music in a more personal direction with a far greater sense of experimentation, bringing forth MacKaye's Embrace and Picciotto's Rites of Spring. The style of music developed by Embrace and Rites of Spring soon became its own sound. (Hüsker Dü's 1984 album Zen Arcade is often cited as a major influence for the new sound.) As a result of the renewed spirit of experimentation and musical innovation that developed the new scene, the summer of 1985 soon came to be known in the scene as "Revolution Summer".[1]
Where the term emo actually originated is uncertain, but members of Rites of Spring mentioned in a 1985 interview in Flipside Magazine that some of their fans had started using the term to describe their music. By the early 90s, it was not uncommon for the early DC scene to be referred to as emo-core, though it's unclear when the term shifted.
The difficulty in defining "emo" as a genre may have started at the very beginning. In a 2003 interview by Mark Prindle,[13] Guy Picciotto of Fugazi and Rites of Spring was asked how he felt about "being the creator of the emo genre". He responded: "I don't recognize that attribution. I've never recognized 'emo' as a genre of music. I always thought it was the most retarded term ever. I know there is this generic commonplace that every band that gets labeled with that term hates it. They feel scandalized by it. But honestly, I just thought that all the bands I played in were punk rock bands. The reason I think it's so stupid is that - what, like the Bad Brains weren't emotional? What - they were robots or something? It just doesn't make any sense to me."
The bottom line is what started as a movement is now simply a fashion, which is really the only proof DNA needed to see that Hollywood Undead aren't being duplicitous, they really are bad. They are called "screamo" because they look "screamo," not because they represent some social movement, the way bands like Fugazi or Bad Brains did/do.
Lastly, the fact that they are a myspace phenomenon only goes to prove that myspace has very little actual power to effect change, and has linked the lowest common demoninator together. Where else could dickheads find the theme music to fuck bitches to?
Pros: Every now and then, a little humor, or some inventive lyric, makes it to the light of day (keeping that little voice in the back of DNA's mind whispering).
Cons: Predictable, limited, puerile, white-boy, posuer, wannabe, masturbatory fantasy life soundtrack which has been done better by just about every skinny kid who picked up a guitar and felt like Superman.
Pros: They do make it sound cool to have some bitches around.
Cons: Based on their popularity, and we all know how wise it is to listen and follow something because lots of other people are following it, Hollywood Undead will probably have the next bad reality TV show on right after "A Shot At Love" with Tila Tequila.
Pros: Their name isn't half bad. DNA was intrigued when it saw the name Hollywood Undead. That sounds like a band ripe to subvert the ingrained idea of life in Hollywood, right?
Cons: In other words, with a name like that, they sounded like they should have the potential to rock like the Groovy Ghoulies, Man Or Astro-man, or The Reverend Horton Heat, but instead they didn't. Instead they sucked the life right out of the name "Hollywood Undead."
If you are a fan of Hollywood Undead, right here is where you can level all of the "fuck you faggot" responses and other enlightened commentary regarding my analysis of the band.
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